How do you discipline your children?

msb5262

Hi OP,
I reckon that anyone wanting to know about disciplining children should start with Supernanny - Jo Frost really knows her stuff! She is positive, clear and always warm with children...you could do much, much worse.
HTH
MsB

Seanymph

Ah see I'm not a fan of supernanny, never have been.

Threebabes

A telling off does the trick with my 3, or if Im really angry I shout. Mine are 8, 12, 16.

KiKi

The point that people make about follow through (ie, if you say x will happen, then x must happen) is really important - it's the consistency of knowing you will do it, and therefore threats of punishment are real. If they're not real, kids know there are no consequences, and have no reason to obey or to learn how to behave in society when they're older.

However, I do think there's a much more important point about that follow through - which is that kids learn that they can trust mum, or they can trust dad. It's subtle, but it's so important for children to learn that parents are trustworthy, as that doesn't apply just to discipline, but believing you when you say "I love you" or "you're special" or whatever it may be.

Good luck, OP...1.5 and 3.5 must be a handful!!
KiKi

RainbowDreamer

Thanks for your replies. I must say.. with it being half term I have had a testing day! Bedtime was a nightmare because they both share the same room. I do not have the option to give them their own room. 1.5 year old went to bed first. When I put 3.5 year old to bed youngest was pottering about with toys in hands (they both sleep in toddler beds).
I put him back and told him to go to sleep, tucked him in, kisses and cuddles etc. Put eldest to bed and did the same.
Youngest kept getting out of bed, then eldest followed. After the 15th attempt I left them to it and closed the door. They have now both fallen asleep after lots of shouting to each other and the beds are now full of toys.

My problem with disciplining them both is they copy each other and egg each other on, and what works for one doesnt work for the other due to the age difference, but if they are disciplined differently my eldest asks why.

I am hoping in a year or 2 it will be much easier. Mummy is def in need of an early night tonight and it hasnt helped me being ill. I think they sense when your rundown and weak and push much much harder.

freda

Do you have a baby monitor in their room? I do, despite mine not being babies any more! This way, I will know if they are out of bed when they shouldn't be etc.

In your situation (and I have done this to my children!), I would have literally chucked all of the toys outside of the room, put the child to bed and shut the door. A couple of mins later, I would have gone back in with their fave toy and offered it to them on the promise of staying in bed and staying quiet. If they make any more noise, the fave toy would rejoin its friends outside the room as it wouldn't be able to get to sleep.

You wouldn't have to do this more than a couple of times to make an impact, in my experience.

Janepig

Oh well, I shout, quite alot. Mainly because DS seems to have selective hearing (typical man). I smack, occasionally. Very occasionally, but if it's called for. DD is very well behaved, never had cause to worry about her, although she's started chopsing a bit at home and has a tendency to be a bit mean to her little brother when she thinks I'm not looking.

DS can be a livewire, but he's six and imo that's to be expected. To a degree. One thing I'll say for him is he's not a bully, or nasty to other kids, unlike some of the little gits in his class, and in my experience, the ones that have hit him, spat at him, etc.. (and I've witnessed this with my own eyes) are the ones whose parents are incapable of any sort of discipline whatsoever. Their children are "the boss" and the parents cave in every time. As much as I love my two, me and DH are "the bosses" iykwim. And from speaking to some of the other parents (of non bullying children) what seems to be clear is the drippy parents are doing their children no favours in the long run, because who wants to be friends with a bully?

Oh, and I've got a cracking "look of death" for times when I can't shout. I actually had a man come up to me in a supermarket and comment on it on one occasion. Something like the fact he was glad he wasn't on the receiving end of it!

Jx

Lunar_Eclipse

Talking and natural consequences. My children are 12 and 10. How did that make you feel? Do you think you're playing nicely? Is that how you'd like me to speak to you/treat you? Do you think I'll want to take you out today if that's how you're going to behave? etc etc.

I also try to avoid over-using the word no and lead by example (eg no swearing or bad language is tolerated in our house.)

Although they can give me a very hard time, both my children are well behaved and polite most of the time and always when they're not home. We receive compliments from teachers, family and adult friends on a regular basis. I've never not been able to take them out anywhere as I understand some parents feel. This includes being safe near roads and busy areas; I haven't had a bolter (and really hate reigns!)

I think the key is to demonstrate high standards of behaviour, expect the same from your children and talk things through as they crop up.

Lunar_Eclipse

Peater wrote: »

I don't beleive in discipline.

My children are free spirits and will learn from thier own mistakes. They are extremely independant for thier age.

Hmm. Discipline comes from the word disciple, meaning 'to teach'.

Are you really saying you don't believe in teaching your children anything? How to use a toilet or fasten shoes?

Mupette

no means no

its does not mean no, oh here have the sweets/game/treat etc