Discovered Girlfriends payday loans. Help!

euronorris

Sorry OP, but I didn't make any assumptions. I was just wondering. As my post above explains, I hadn't seen your subsequent posts explaining the situation in more detail.

I make no judgements about you being on JSA, you don't need to explain/defend that. But I had to ask because we often see on here, one partner finding out about hidden debts and getting very angry with the other person. And then it's later revealed that their partner built them up as a result of trying to pay all of the bills, whilst the other was out of work. Sometimes people forget the impact that their own situation has on other people.

paydayproblems

I think she thought she could sort it herself and was a bit ashamed she had gotten into such a mess, then started getting other loans to pay off loans, just making it all worse.

I'm going through all the figures tonight so once I know where we are I can then look at what the options are...

vickthestick

Hi Payday
I am really pleased that you love your girlfriend enough to want the best for her. Keep at it together and you'll make it through, whichever way you decide to tackle it

paydayproblems

This is the woman I want to be my wife, If we cant face things like this together there isn't much point in us getting married. The thing i'm most annoyed about is that she hid it from me and allowed it to get to this.

euronorris

paydayproblems wrote: »

I think she thought she could sort it herself and was a bit ashamed she had gotten into such a mess, then started getting other loans to pay off loans, just making it all worse.

I'm going through all the figures tonight so once I know where we are I can then look at what the options are...

OK, well just re-iterate that she can and should confide in you about this stuff in future (as I am sure you have). Having been the one in the relationship with all the debts, it was very hard for me to admit to my OH, and even with his support and understanding it is still tough. You can't help but feel that you've let them down tremendously, and I don't think that feeling will go until after the debt is completely cleared. I know that if I built anymore debts, it would be very hard for me to admit to him that I had let him down again.

You could also ask her to get a copy of credit score/report from experian.co.uk. I think it's free the first time, but be aware that she will need to cancel the subscription before she's charged anything. This will let you know her credit rating (so whether your dream of buying a house together is possible in the next 6 years or not), and also it should show of all her debts (which removes the chance of her hiding anymore of them from you).

BlushingRose

paydayproblems wrote: »

The thing i'm most annoyed about is that she hid it from me and allowed it to get to this.

This is the usual reaction when a partner finds out about debt.
It was certainly my reaction when I found out about Mr Br's debts - I was horrified, and hurt that he'd not told me how bad things were. There was a bit of a rocky time, but we're ok again now and on a DMP.

kitrat

paydayproblems wrote: »

People make all kinds of assumptions as soon as you say your on JSA.

By the time I went onto jobseekers she was already financially a mess, In practical terms I was better off.

Secondly, Whilst I was a student I was on student loans and working, with the tax breaks etc you get and the fact I didnt drink most of my student loan, I was actually pretty comfortable so there was no need for her to "treat me".

If anything, that was me, not her.

I've only been on JSA for 6 months for the first time in my life, its not a situation I intend to remain in long term.

Just wanted to say I'm so sorry you have to keep justifying yourself, you're right, people do make a lot of assumptions around here it seems.

I know she has to learn for herself etc, but I'm sure if her parents pay for her and she pays them back they'll give her a hard enough time that she'll certainly learn her lesson!

Vikipollard

As has already been said, she MUST open a new bank account not connected with her current one (like not RBS if its Halifax etc).

The PDLs will be more likely to play ball if they have no access at all to her money. Yes, she will have a b*gg*red up credit rating, but that's not a bad thing right now.

She must not give them her new bank details or they will just take the money whatever mealy mouthed promises they make. (Yes, I know it's their money, but they are reprehensible.)

The very best of luck to you both. It takes a special kind of person to stand by someone they care about who breaks their trust, but you can come out of this stronger.

Petlamb

Good luck in battling through it together.

The important things, imho, are for her to really appreciate that keeping this from you didn't help, and in fact actually hurts you; and also that if you can avoid it, DON'T pay this off for her. I have a partner whose parents paid several debts off for him over the years and I really think that has contributed to his terrible money management

Like I say though, whatever way you go from here, good luck x

DVardysShadow

paydayproblems wrote: »

I think she thought she could sort it herself and was a bit ashamed she had gotten into such a mess, then started getting other loans to pay off loans, just making it all worse.

I'm going through all the figures tonight so once I know where we are I can then look at what the options are...

paydayproblems wrote: »

This is the woman I want to be my wife, If we cant face things like this together there isn't much point in us getting married. The thing i'm most annoyed about is that she hid it from me and allowed it to get to this.

You are getting that bit too involved. If she does not walk out of this financial crisis herself, you will probably end up pushing her around in a financial wheelchair for the rest of her life. Or if she does have it in her to walk out of it herself, but you look too prepared to have her in the financial wheelchair, she may feel the need to walk out altogether.

As far as you should go is to establish whether any of the debt is related to your period on JSA, work out how to put that straight and just be there for her while she sorts it out