severely disabled mum in rehab unit

downshifter98

Hi.

Sorry for long post!

Looking for a little advice and support. Mum has suffered severe rheumatoid arthritis for many years and now, at the age of 70, it appears to have beaten her. Dad has done everything for her over the years but 4 weeks ago her walking completely stopped and she was taken into hospital for an MRI scan; this revealed little and the arthritis is classed as dormant but the damage already seems to be done ie she can do absolutely nothing for herself. Added to this Mum has completely 'gone to pieces' and become very frail and 'old before her time' - mentally she is not senile but very very fragile. After a week in hospital she was transferred into an NHS rehab unit but is currently just in bed all day; efforts to bath her or get her dressed (which Dad usually does for her every day) are refused (by Mum) and efforts to walk come to nothing more than 2 steps except for 2 days last week when, with much help and support, she managed to get across the ward (probably 20 steps) and our hopes soared but this was followed by 2 or 3 days of sickness and not eating so that now all efforts are failing again. We have all spoken earnestly with Mum but she just seems to have given up and just frets about everything especially the idea of any 'outside' help (Mum and Dad have refused all help upto now and its fair to say that Mum is very controlling and is used to getting her own way in doors!). She now has it in her head that she should be given a catheter full time so that she can just pee when she wants and not have nurses/carers 'change' her. So that is the background and we are all wondering what the hell happens next; Dad is 75 and still able-bodied, they live in a small terraced house which has been converted, as much as possible, to cope with Mum's illness (stairlift, super loo, personal alarm etc) but we are aware than any hope of Mum coming home will involve her bed coming downstairs and a full 'care' package to help Dad but, at the moment and the way Mum currently is, we can't actually imagine her being able to come home as it would just be too much for Dad, even with extra help. Just feels such a mess. Dad is stressing about how to pay for care; they get DLA, attendance allowance and pension credit and have very limited savings plus they own their house outright which Dad is convinced will have to be sold and he is willing to 'give up everything' for Mum (of course!). I've already told him that we will help financially as much as possible (which will be tough). We have been told that rehab will last for 6 weeks (2 weeks so far) and we really don't know what to expect after this so any help and advice would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks

fogartyblue.

All assets are valued in order to see what capital there is - house included.

Mojisola

fogartyblue. wrote: »

All assets are valued in order to see what capital there is - house included.

The value of the house will be ignored as your father will still be living there.

From the details you mention your mother should be fully funded in a care home. Get an advisor to go through the details with your father so he can stop worrying.

pmlindyloo

Yes, please stop worrying.

Your mother should receive a full assessment before she leaves the rehab centre as to what is the best kind of care that is required.

There is a very good guide here of the options:

http://www.nhs.uk/CarersDirect/guide/practicalsupport/Pages/Chargingforresidentialcare.aspx

Mojisola

There's more good information here - https://www.ageuk.org.uk/home-and-care/care-homes/

As your Mum has a controlling personality and your Dad is already struggling, you may need to stand up against your Mum to protect your Dad. You may find that she will tell SS and the OTs that your Dad will cope if she goes home. Make sure they know that he can't.

downshifter98

Thanks for advice and links. I will have a read through these and it's reassuring regarding Mum and Dad's property. Occupational therapists are already involved and we have already 'corrected' a few things from Dad's point of view as he such a saint and 'plays down' the amount of help needed (with encouragement from Mum, of course) - Mum has fought so hard over the years to not involve anybody else and Dad has almost been too kind for both their good. None of us can believe how much Mum has collapsed mentally but it's undoubtedly all the years (she has had this since her 30's and it is in virtually every joint) that she has dealt with it plus all the effort required to keep complete control. No one blames her but all very difficult to deal with.

Many thanks again.

fogartyblue.

Mojisola wrote: »

The value of the house will be ignored as your father will still be living there.

From the details you mention your mother should be fully funded in a care home. Get an advisor to go through the details with your father so he can stop worrying.

From personal experience the value of the property, providing mum has a financial interest in the equity, IS taken into account when assessing if their is a question of contribution.If it is jointly owned they cannot make the resident partner sell. They can if mum is the sole owner.
From the posters comments there does not seem to be an element of medical need only of care.

My parents house WAS taken into consideration when setting the contribution level. Dad's name was the only name on the deeds, although mum & dad had lived there for years.

The house was charged with the debt which will have to be paid off when they both either sell it or die.

downshifter98

fogartyblue. wrote: »

From personal experience the value of the property, providing mum has a financial interest in the equity, IS taken into account when assessing if their is a question of contribution.If it is jointly owned they cannot make the resident partner sell. They can if mum is the sole owner.
From the posters comments there does not seem to be an element of medical need only of care.

My parents house WAS taken into consideration when setting the contribution level. Dad's name was the only name on the deeds, although mum & dad had lived there for years.

The house was charged with the debt which will have to be paid off when they both either sell it or die.

Don't want to get ahead of myself as, at the moment, we are hoping and praying that Mum will get back home with some kind of 'care package' - we certainly don't assume that Mum would qualify for NHS paid for care and really just want to understand where all of this would leave Dad; afaik their property is jointly owned (I think it used to be in Dad's name but this was changed a few years ago). Mum and Dad would be 'happy' to pay as much as possible towards any care but the NHS website does state clearly that property still lived in by a spouse is disregarded in the means-test and, for now, this is what I will be telling Dad; no use in fighting battles before we need to! As stated before they have limited savings (way below £23,000) and family would try and pay limited 'top-ups' if really required but, as I've already said, we will just have to see how Mum does in the next few weeks.

Mojisola

fogartyblue. wrote: »

From personal experience the value of the property, providing mum has a financial interest in the equity, IS taken into account when assessing if their is a question of contribution. If it is jointly owned they cannot make the resident partner sell. They can if mum is the sole owner.
From the posters comments there does not seem to be an element of medical need only of care.

My parents house WAS taken into consideration when setting the contribution level. Dad's name was the only name on the deeds, although mum & dad had lived there for years.

The house was charged with the debt which will have to be paid off when they both either sell it or die.

I would go back and question this. See example 2 on page 24 here - https://www.ageuk.org.uk/Documents/EN-GB/Factsheets/FS10%20Paying%20for%20permanent%20residential%20care%20April%202010%20-%20AM064_fcs.pdf?dtrk=true
and section 7.003 here - https://www.dh.gov.uk/prod_consum_dh/groups/dh_digitalassets/@dh/@en/@ps/documents/digitalasset/dh_115533.pdf
"Where the resident no longer occupies a dwelling as his home, its value should still be disregarded where it is occupied in whole or in part by
- the resident's partner, former partner or civil partner (except where the resident is estranged or divorced from the partner, former partner or civil partner)"

fogartyblue.

Mojisola wrote: »

I would go back and question this. See example 2 on page 24 here -
and section 7.003 here -
"Where the resident no longer occupies a dwelling as his home, its value should still be disregarded where it is occupied in whole or in part by
- the resident's partner, former partner or civil partner (except where the resident is estranged or divorced from the partner, former partner or civil partner)"

Thank you for those links.

As I have said dad is in a care home, he now has advanced Alzheimer's but not covered by the NHS as requiring care only with any meducal/nursing being secondary.

He is the legal and beneficial owner of their home. My mum, when he bought the property was not included on the deeds. Mum cannot manage to live on her own all of the time in that property (she gets lonely without dad) so she stays with her sister a short distance away as company for them both. She has been determined as not normally living in the family house. She does, she splits the time between her sister's home and her home.

Anyhow, the council have said that they won't force a sale, but are loading the property with the care charges.

From what I know all of that is correct and very common. Most people like company so she stays with my aunt at times.

mealone

Who gets the AA OP and who gets the DLA?