What am I doing to my marriage?

holly10

I need advice

Long time poster under different username as my hubby knows my user name.

My husband owns a small business which I work in part time usually from our home office but occasionally from hq, we have a number of employees whom we also see socially.
We have been with each other 5 years, married not long, no kids.
A few months ago one of the guys started flirting with me on a night out, he was tipsy and everyone took it as his usual humor. Its happened a few times since to the point of the flirting getting quite heated. Again everyone takes it as a big joke but they don't see the flirting when we are alone. I laughed it off for the past while, now being in the same room as him is killing me.

Nothing is ever said in work but sometimes looks say more than words. Now I am finding myself really attracted to him to the point of thinking about him constantly. He is around the same age as my husband but immature for his age, like a little boy really and so not my type.

It started as a drink fueled joke and now my head is going mad, I love my husband so should not even be thinking like this.
Its just lust I suppose but need a bit of advice

whitewing

Sounds like a recipe for disaster. I would cut out the flirting and situations where you may be alone.

I see nothing wrong with the occasional day dream, but not constantly thinking, and no interaction that may be construed or miscontrued.

tea_lover

holly10 wrote: »

Its just lust I suppose but need a bit of advice

My advice, FWIW, is look at what you have to lose.

Look at your husband, at your life together, at your home, at your families, your joint history, your plans for the future, your job, your self respect, your friends.... look at all that and compare it to the chance of a quick fumble with an immature bloke from work.

Worth it?

If not - try and avoid him wherever possible for the time being. Focus on your husband and marriage and the thoughts will just fade.

It's fine to find other people attractive and have the odd thought about them, I would imagine most of us do that at one time or another. But to let those thoughts get out of control is a slippery slope. You're at the top of that slope and it's far easier to make a choice now than when you're halfway down and losing control.

System

Its all a bit of 'fun' till one of you sees it more than 'fun' and gets hurt. Make sure its not you!

Oh and when i say 'fun' i mean it in the loosest term possible.

go_cat

If you do not want to jepordise your marriage then avoid being on your own with him, be pleasant thats it .. no flirting at all.

BugglyB

You are the bosses wife, I'm sure he is enjoying all this especially if he is immature. You need to have more respect for yourself than this. If you must flirt and have an affair at least do it away from work/home.

Are you bored? Depressed? Need more out of life? These sorts of dalliances are usually the symptom and not the cause of unhappiness.

VitaK

You realy should stop this in its track. Next time it happens you give him warning and if dosent work you realy should consider letting him go from your buisness.

In a small buisness, chances are your hubby already suspect or knows but just havent said anything. Dont expect gossip and rumors dosent travel.

peachyprice

Get a grip girl!

You're obviously flattered by the attention but admit above that you don't even fancy the man-child.

You need to sit down with your husband and have a frank talk about what is missing in your marriage to make you crave the attention of another man. It's so easy to slip into a mundane routine and to take each other for granted, it sounds like you need to take time out to find that spark again.

Matt_hull

cut it off, as the second guy will never take you seriouse, so keep what you have now and work on it. stuff that start as a fling will end up being only a fling.

McKneff

Do you really want to hurt your husband this much.

Do you think he is stupid enough not to have noticed.
Of course he will have.

If you love your husband, get a grip, flattery is all very well but there will be tears, yours and your husbands.

Pee

You are aware of the attraction you feel, you are aware that he is not your type and whatever might develop would not be what you wanted and you are prioritising your marriage and your husband.

It sounds to me like you will be fine.

It might be worth thinking about what your relationship with your husband is not providing, the sense of fun and irresponsibility that this guy has maybe.

Is there anything that you could do to get this back? A weekend away, a track day with a ferrari, a rock concert?

I was in a position very much like yours apart from the guy was a friend of mine and my boyfriends and not an employee. There was just a spark between us even though we were not well matched really. I didn't think it did any harm in continuing the friendship, on the basis I had no intention of hurting my boyfriend and neither did he, and my boyfriend was very happy that I got on so well with his friends. I have to say I'm not sure that I would have liked it in reverse, although my boyfriend is very close friends with another friends wife, was before we got together, and I feel comfortable about that.