My sister is an alcoholic - what can i do

wifeanddaughter

This is a very sad situation and I am not sure what to do.

My sister is a hospital consultant, she is married, no children and both her and her husband have an alcohol problem. They drink everyday, some days can polish off over 7 bottles of wine between them. My BIL has been diagnosed with alcoholic peripheral neuropathy and has had to give up work and now stays at home drinking.

They are living in squalid conditions - my sister won't do anything in the house as she says it is her husband's job as he is at home and she is at work all day. He physically can't do it. They have cats and the other day she found lots of cat poo in the spare bedroom where the cats had been using it as a toilet.

My Mum called me yesterday and said that my sister was having a bad time at work and could I call her. I durifully called this evening at 5:30pm and she was really slurry and difficult to understand. She has been signed off work with stress for six weeks, which basically means that she will spend the time at home with her husband drinking. She also mentioned that the stress she has been suffering has made her make some mistakes at work (she is a doctor so her mistakes are potentially fatal). I'm not sure if it could be the alcohol making her make mistakes.

My parents have told her she drinks too much and asked her to cut down but she tells them to mind their business and she will do what she wants. My Mum is really upset, I've told her my sister is an adult (over 50) and my Mum is not responsible for her actions, though, as a mother myself I can understand how difficult it is for her.

In the past I have tried talking to my sister but we haven't always seen eye to eye. I dropped out of University many years ago and she has never seemed to have forgiven me for this despite me going on to have a successful career. She comes to me for HR advice but gives short shrift if I try to offer any other advice. I don't drink and she seems to hold this against me!

I am very concerned about her drinking, she knows the damage she is doing to herself but it is the risk to patients that really concerns me. My Mum was asking if we should report the drinking as we are both concerned about what could happen, but we feel incredibly disloyal to her despite knowing that it would probably be the correct thing to do. Equally we have no idea how to do it, neither of us knowing the NHS that well.

I'd really welcome any advice - should we report the concerns about my sister, what can we do to help her, we are really at our wits end and my Mum is blaming herself.

Thanks for reading and any advice you can offer

meritaten

I think you may find that your sisters drinking is already known to the hospital authorities and that is why she is on a six week 'stress leave'. She will have been told to sort herself out.
TBH - there is nothing you and mum can DO - alcoholics tend to dig thier heels in and reject help until THEY hit rock bottom and realise it.
You CANNOT help her until she asks for it - and the worst thing you can do is to cover for her or report her to the hospital. stay out of it completely - make it plain that you will help her if she needs you - not to continue drinking - but to sort herself out.
Join Al-anon - excellent support and advice for the families of alcoholics.

mishkanorman

Have you tried seeing her face to face rather than phone calls ?

I personally dont think i could stand by and watch someone harm others, for whatever excuse they are using, so I would give her one chance to accept help and then I would visit the hospital and speak to her boss.


The untidy house and volume of drinking arent the end of the world but if she is dealing with other factors at home you may not be aware of it may be just the tip of the iceberg !

wolfehouse

the bma has resources for doctors with addiction issues
including http://www.sick-doctors-trust.co.uk/

I think there are a few others. you can always call the above folk annonomously and ask what else you could do.

patchwork_cat

Alcoholism is quite prevalent in the medical profession and I guarantee that she will not be the only alcoholic consultant at her hospital. Most are functioning alcoholics.

As she is a consultant she can afford a cleaner as a start to clean her house. The problem with any addiction is that the addict has to want to give up and there is nothing that any one else can do to make them quit.

eleanor73

I work in a service that offers support to alcoholics. If it was my family I would let them know I am there if they need support, make sure they have the contact numbers of local (not just national) support services and say I will attend appointments with them if and when they decide to get help.

I may also drop decent food round just to slow down the damage the alcohol does. If and when your sister decides to seek help she may need to leave her husband if he is still drinking so then you may be able to help more.

Heartbreaking as it is I really think that is all you can do. Objectively I would speak to the hospital but I understand your feelings on that.

red_devil

sorry no advice just disbelief that, that is all some people want out of life and aspire too to sit round drinking all the time its sad. There are so many better and healthier things she could be doing.

SnowyOwl_2

red_devil wrote: »

sorry no advice just disbelief that, that is all some people want out of life and aspire too to sit round drinking all the time its sad. There are so many better and healthier things she could be doing.

This thread is about a fifty year old hospital consultant, ie a fully trained, qualified and experienced senior doctor. This is clearly a person who is highly intelligent, highly motivated and with very high aspirations. Balance that against the power of alcohol when someone is addicted/dependant on it, and you might begin to realise how little you comprehend about alcoholism. Your comment really betrays your ignorance of the subject.

durham_girl

I don't think I could sit back and do nothing with regards to her job. You say she's making mistakes at work - what if that leads to her being responsible for someone's death? The people she's treating are the one's who are suffering and nobody deserves that. Reporting her could be the kick up the bum she needs to realise that she needs to get herself sorted.

ognum

Sadly many doctors have alcohol problems, they learn their drinking habits as medical students and as the job becomes more stressful so the drinking increases.

I truly doubt this has gone unnoticed at her job, particularly as she has made errors, other doctors are not supportive if they may be involved with errors. However, they will provide a wall of silence to stop others knowing.

Like all addictions there is little that you can do except keep your door open to help, provide information, phone numbers and addresses of help and be there.

Perhaps a frank conversation may help, it will be uncomfortable but you should try.

happy35

for your sister to stop drinking she has to want to stop drinking and without this she wont stop drinking

I think all you can do is offer support, try and suggest she contacts groups such as AA or a counsellor who will be available free of charge through her work and usually anonymous.

As you brother in law also drinks I imagine it would be very hard to stop drinking when you are addicted if there is someone in the house who continues to do so