Not too sure it's just hormones

downsizer3

I think its important to seperate the two issues.
Take a long hard look at the relationship. If anyone was being overly harsh with my daughter they'd be told in no uncertain terms where to get off. My daughter - I'm the parent - I do the disciplining.
Ending the relationship with him does not necessarily mean you abort the child.
Whether you can cope with another child is another decision - best made after you quickly get him out of your daughters life or off her back. That - to me - is the priority as it will be very damaging that you're not standing up to him on her behalf. You are all she's got.

marywooyeah

NAR wrote: »

OP get rid of him, have an abortion and start being a proper mother, with you in control and your daughter behaving as you want her to behave, not how others expect her to behave.

What an awful thing to say! You make assumptions about her parenting which are unjustified and the abortion comment is just bang out of order you makeit sound such a flippant decision.

shell_girl

marywooyeah wrote: »

What an awful thing to say! You make assumptions about her parenting which are unjustified and the abortion comment is just bang out of order you makeit sound such a flippant decision.

Mary, I realise that you have had a traumatic experience of termination and I am genuinely sorry for you about that. But it's not like that for everybody. For some people, abortion is the best option.

When we give anonymous advice to strangers on an internet forum we can afford to not be emotionally involved, and may quickly type something out that sounds a bit flippant to somebody who has sensitivity around a particular issue.

For some people an abortion is an easy decision, for some people it involves days or even weeks of agonising over their decision, changing their mind and never really being sure they're doing the right thing. Neither one is the 'right' way, just different.

OP I hope you come to the right decision for you and your little girl, and I hope the varied replies you have had on this thread give you the chance to think over all of your options.

NAR

marywooyeah wrote: »

What an awful thing to say! You make assumptions about her parenting which are unjustified and the abortion comment is just bang out of order you makeit sound such a flippant decision.

Her partner is controlling HER daughter, so my comment is justified. If she has the child she will be tied to him for the rest of her life, whether she likes it or not. So your opinion is I am bang out of order - who made you the decision maker? I am entitled to an opinion, especially as I am looking at the situation completely impartially!

marywooyeah

shell_girl wrote: »

For some people an abortion is an easy decision, for some people it involves days or even weeks of agonising over their decision, changing their mind and never really being sure they're doing the right thing. Neither one is the 'right' way, just different.

I agree, but whether the decision is easy or hard, it should be made on a well reasoned basis, not as flippantly as the other poster made it sound.

NAR wrote: »

Her partner is controlling HER daughter, so my comment is justified. If she has the child she will be tied to him for the rest of her life, whether she likes it or not. So your opinion is I am bang out of order - who made you the decision maker? I am entitled to an opinion, especially as I am looking at the situation completely impartially!

the same can be said for you - who makes you the decision maker that she should have an abortion? OP asked if anyone had been in a similar situation and I replied I had - I've never used what happened to me to attempt to influence someone one way or another.

OP I noticed you've not come back, I really hope you're ok x

NickyBat

She is your child and the punishment should be decided by you.

heretolearn_2

OP, hope you are doing ok.

None of us are there in your house and seeing what is happening. Whether you are over-reacting 'cos of hormonal explosion. Whether your OH is a nasty git. Whether a few things have been said in anger that don't really reflect the real situation. whether your daughter is a normally well-behaved child and your partner is over-strict and getting abusive, or whether you are a bit of a soft mum and he's trying to set more appropriate boundaries for a child who needs them (and the child is then manipulating the 'softer' parent as children are expert in doing if you let them get away with it). Any of these things could be true. Or it could be something else all together.

You need to talk to your OH. You also need to talk to your friends/family in a subtle way - people often see a lot more than you think but don't raise it with you for all sorts of good reasons. More than one person has been told 'I didn't like to say but...'. You might find that if your OH really is an abusive sort of chap, others ARE seeing those signs despite his putting on an act, and will help and support you. Or they might help you get things back in proportion if he isn't. Or they might even - if they are very good friends - admit to you that you let your child walk all over you and she actually needs a bit more discipline, if that's the case.

Good luck with it though op, don't rush into anything, you still have time to make a thought through decision. Whether you stay with your OH and whether you continue with your pregnancy are two separate things, although connected. You might even stay with OH but still decide it's not the right time for a baby. Or you might leave and raise the baby by yourself. It has to be your decision and don't be too influenced by posters on forums or people around you. All the clinics provide councelling to help you make that decision, and despite what some people say, they aren't there to push you one way or the other.