Not too sure it's just hormones

VfM4meplse

You can only do what's right for you and your daughter. If you don't want to be tied down to your OH you don't need to be. However, your choice around the baby is a seperate issue.

From the information you have given about your situation, your OH sounds quite insufferable, from having "wild child days" just 18 months ago to being the expert on parenting that he is now. Plus if he's got a taste for belittling you, his appetite for that will only increase. You already feel powerless to stick up for your own child. I'd walk away asap. Tell him that you were mistaken about the pregnancy if necessary to buy yourself some time....he'll also revert to his true colours.

peachyprice

victory wrote: »

Surely you can't mean get rid of the baby? Is this put her to just spark the thread because there is no way that should be advised, it is not the babys fault the relationship is having its problems, the baby is completely innocent in all this, surely you are not saying that?

We're not living in the dark ages you know, a woman does have the right to choose whether she wants to continue with a pregnancy.

Your reaction is offensive to those that believe in their rights to choose, this kind of emotional blackmail helps no-one.

FatVonD

victory wrote: »

Surely you can't mean get rid of the baby? Is this put her to just spark the thread because there is no way that should be advised, it is not the babys fault the relationship is having its problems, the baby is completely innocent in all this, surely you are not saying that?

I absolutely AM saying that is what I'd do if I was in the OP's position. The OP already disagrees with her partner's approach to parenting, at present she has the option to end the relationship to get him out of her daughter's life, she won't have that option with her second child if he is the biological father.

Alikay

FatVonD wrote: »

I absolutely AM saying that is what I'd do if I was in the OP's position. The OP already disagrees with her partner's approach to parenting, at present she has the option to end the relationship to get him out of her daughter's life, she won't have that option with her second child if he is the biological father.

I feel the same (but then I'm a cynical old bag who works with children who've been damaged by abusive and ineffective parents). If the OP wants to continue with the pregnancy I suggest she removes herself and her DD from this man ASAP and finds ways of protecting them all (including baby) from his control and abuse in the future.

Nicki

Its a bit of a jump to say that because a childless stepparent doesn't always know what is a suitable punishment for a misdemeanour and sometimes argues with the mum about this, that he is an abusive parent and subjecting the mum and the child to domestic violence. There is a wide spectrum on parental discipline and it is possible that these two are just at slightly different points on it, rather than one being wildly disproportionate.

OP - you say that you have been with this man for 18 months and that the relationship has been "great" for most of that period, so much so that you decided to have a child together. It is only now that you have a positive test in your hand that these niggles are coming to the fore. My take is that you have two choices:

You can work with this "great" relationship to make it work. The key area of disagreement seems to be relating to the parenting of your existing child. There are dozens of parenting courses and classes out there which you could do together, which would give you an opportunity to discuss issues and decide on a united approach on which you both agree in advance of situations arising. That would also stand you in good stead when the new baby comes along. If after putting in the effort, you still feel he isn't the one for you, then you still have the option to walk away.

Or, you can do what some have suggested here, and abort a baby that you actively tried to conceive, break up the relationship now, and walk away and start a new life.

Only you know the reality of your relationship, and whether this man is genuinely abusive or just a bit out of his depth as a stepparent. I have unmarried adult childless male friends who do not have a clue about what are reasonable expectations of children - one invited us for dinner when my two youngest were 12 months and 2 years old respectively and served each child a whole unfilleted fish complete with head (and eyes) and tail for example and was genuinely stunned that they both needed a lot of time and help to tackle this for lunch, disrupting the conversation he wanted to have with me and their dad. Even parents have different standards, you only need to read any of the threads on this forum to see that - you will for example get a thread where the OP is suggesting (in complete seriousness)that she will withdraw internet access from her teenage child for a year because he ate the last of the macademia nuts, and some posters will agree that this is a terrible act of misbehaviour and suggest equally draconian punishments they have, or would, impose on their own children, whereas others will not see there to be a problem with the original behaviour at all, or would impose a far far milder sanction. Whoever you agree with on these kinds of threads, its quite a leap to suggest that based on that one issue alone, their children should have been aborted before birth and their partners leave them, yet without the benefit of any examples of the kind of behaviour you are talking about from your partner that is the advice you have got from some so far.

Keeping_Motivated

If your DD is looking to you to 'step in' then I would go with your gut and protect your DD. How old is she? Please don't allow this man to control your DD or you for that matter ( if infact he is controlling- please take a good look and be honest if he is or not, don't cloud your judgement).

Most couples have moments of disagreements about children at times but this sounds like more than that.

I would go with your gut as a mum and trust it.

AmySquash

As someone who was in the situation of your DD - I would beg you to step in and protect her. Your OH sound like he is being emotionally abusive and I can assure you, this will effect your DD for life if it is allowed to continue.

I appreciate that being a step parents is never easy, but you know your daughter best, follow your heart - if your not happy with the way he deals with your DD, you really need to consider your future with this man. In my experience (personal and that of friends) if your OH has issues with DD now, they will only escalate and he will resent her more and more.

ema_o

I agree this is emotional abuse. It isn't just hormones, however you being pregnant is probably what is making him worse at the moment. The thing is while you are pregnant you are probably strong enough to cope with it and to stop him. When you have the baby emotions will run high & it will probably escalate..

If you truly want to be with this man you need to be able to stand up for yourself, your DD and for the new baby. Alarm bells are ringing though, I am not convinced it is worth the considerable & constant effort this will take xx

System

Dont forget, your the only protection that your daughter has.

NAR

OP get rid of him, have an abortion and start being a proper mother, with you in control and your daughter behaving as you want her to behave, not how others expect her to behave.