Not too sure it's just hormones

morethan3wishes

Hi all,

First of all I'm a oldie signed in as a newbie! I've just found out I'm pregnant and now I'm not sure if it was the right thing to do

Me and other half have been together 18 months and we dedcided to try for a baby. We didn't think it would happen so quick (with me being on the pill since we met and him and his ahem wild child days) but it has. Only took 2 months :eek:

Everything has been great since we have been together (we have the usual ups and downs) but lately it's been mostly down - to the point that I wonder what life would be like without him in it!

I already have a dd from a previous relationship and sometimes I feel he is too strict so cue arguments! Sometimes I feel like I am not in control and it's almost like my dd is looking at me to step in but when I do I get shot down. He has no kids of his own so when I say that he is being too strict and the crime should fit the punishment all hell breaks loose.

I found out a week ago that I am pregnant and whilst he is over the moon, I am not:(
For the past few days, I have been having doubts and analysing our relationship the past few months and now I feel like I don't want to be tied to him for the rest of my life with his kid. Tonight we argued again and he came out with the lowest thing anyone possibly could - he told me to get rid of it. I am now contemplating it and I am disgusted with myself for even letting the thought run through my mind.
I really want to get rid of him but I am confused if it is my hormones, the shock of what he said or if I really do no longer love him.

To make matters worse, when we are in company, he acts as though butter wouldn't melt and makes me out to be a complete b!tch sometimes. I can't talk to my family about it as they don't even know I'm pregnant, my best pal is his pals gf and my other friends would blab.
I really don't know what to do. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

building_with_lego

Dodgy hugs. :grouphug: It's a tough time, early pregnancy, and can make you doubt yourself.

Your last paragraph is ringing alarm bells for me:
"when we are in company, he acts as though butter wouldn't melt and makes me out to be a complete b!tch sometimes."

If your best friend told you what you've written above ^ what would you advise her to do?

Money_maker

You decided to try for a baby and became pregnant in 2 months. Did you feel the same way about him 2 months ago, presuming not else pregnancy would have been the last thing on your mind.

it's almost like my dd is looking at me to step in but when I do I get shot down

This is very worrying. Surely the discipline for your DD should be your decision, not his? How old is your DD? If you do not think that his punishment fits the crime then DO NOT REMAIN SILENT OR TRY TO IGNORE IT. Your priority is your daughter, not him.

BugglyB

Op it sounds like you're in a very lonely position right now. Would you consider ringing Samaritans? Just someone to talk it out with in a non-judgemental way - I'm afraid you're unlikely to get that here! Best of luck whatever you decide.

Four_leaf_clover_2

morethan3wishes wrote: »

Sometimes I feel like I am not in control and it's almost like my dd is looking at me to step in but when I do I get shot down.

He has no kids of his own so when I say that he is being too strict and the crime should fit the punishment all hell breaks loose.

To make matters worse, when we are in company, he acts as though butter wouldn't melt and makes me out to be a complete b!tch sometimes.

Going by what I have highlighted above you live with a man who is emotionally abusive. Why the need for all hell to break loose just because you try to reason with him about suitable discipline for a young child? Why does he run you down to other people when you are out with him. Abuse always escalates. Pregnancy is a common time for it to start or to intensify.

Do you walk on eggshells around him, not wish to put forward your point of view or opinions for fear of aggrevating him and starting arguments, wonder what mood he will be in from one moment to the next? Can you do anything right or does he pick on and criticise you, run you down in practical and personal ways? Do you use alot of time and energy trying to stay one step ahead and keep the atmosphere in the home calm and happy?

Do you want this man around yourself and your young children? Do you feel safe and secure or fearful and scared?

This relationship does not sound very healthy to me. There are things you have told us that ring alarm bells with me. Your daughter will be observing all that is going on and thinking this is the norm. How everyone treats each other in a relationship. She will come to expect this for herself. Is that what you want for her? Is this what you want for yourself or do you deserve better?

marywooyeah

Yes op I have been in a similar situation and gave in to it. It's killed me ever since and I agree with the above poster that he sounds emotionally abusive. If you were your daughter being told off and looking up at mummy to help how would you feel? I really think you need some help. The only I can say really in relation to your baby is that if you planned to have this baby can you really get rid of it? I'd search to see if there's any pregnancy crisis centre in your area for some counselling. Please be strong and don't brushed into anything you don't want to do xxx

FatVonD

Hi behaviour towards your daughter is only going to get worse once he has his own genetic offspring, get shot of both him AND his baby, you don't want to be tied to him nor have a child over which you can't stop his involvement. (Sorry to the pro-lifers )

victory

Your DD is looking for you to step in because you are her mum, she loves you, she trusts you and has hadto get used to a change in her life in the last 18 months and is not sure what to make of it, she will look to you to be on her side, to reassure her, to make things better for her.

Sounds a bit like emotional manipulation/bullying/throwing his weight around.

Does he always have to be right?

victory

FatVonD wrote: »

Hi behaviour towards your daughter is only going to get worse once he has his own genetic offspring, get shot of both him AND his baby, you don't want to be tied to him nor have a child over which you can't stop his involvement. (Sorry to the pro-lifers )

Surely you can't mean get rid of the baby? Is this put her to just spark the thread because there is no way that should be advised, it is not the babys fault the relationship is having its problems, the baby is completely innocent in all this, surely you are not saying that?

krlyr

victory wrote: »

Surely you can't mean get rid of the baby? Is this put her to just spark the thread because there is no way that should be advised, it is not the babys fault the relationship is having its problems, the baby is completely innocent in all this, surely you are not saying that?

The OP said themselves that this option was considered, I don't think FatVonD was too out of line to suggest it. A baby IS a permanent tie, especially if the OP's partner is an abusive one (don't know enough to suggest this is the case but the examples of his behaviour do sound a bit worrying)
It's not an option that many would consider but it depends on your stance on abortions, which OP hasn't really stated (but hasn't said they're completely pro-life)

victory

krlyr wrote: »

The OP said themselves that this option was considered, I don't think FatVonD was too out of line to suggest it. A baby IS a permanent tie, especially if the OP's partner is an abusive one (don't know enough to suggest this is the case but the examples of his behaviour do sound a bit worrying)
It's not an option that many would consider but it depends on your stance on abortions, which OP hasn't really stated (but hasn't said they're completely pro-life)

Thanks:D I don't have a very strong definete stance on abortions either way, at the moment with this exact scenario I feel it is all a bit too early to be making life long decisions whether to abort or not but if it were say like rape yes without question, it is a difficult choice for any woman in any situation.