Family fall out over wedding!

cord123

Hello all!

I need a bit of advice really....
My brother has just got back from Afghan and has got a promotion so he will be going back out on tour next September. He is really worried about where he will be posted when he comes back so his girlfriend and him have decided to get married so it will be easier for her to come with him.


No the trickey bit, her brother is in the navy and goes on tour august so they have diecided to book a last minute deal to get married in may... (this has all come about in literally a week!)


Due to the size of the venue they can only invite limited numbers so my auntie and uncle aren't invited (mums side) but my auntie is (stepdads side) i must point out though that he is basically our real dad in our minds!


Anyway, he emailed my auntie and uncle and explained that unfortunately he couldnt invite them and that he hoped they understood.




Now my uncle has kicked off massively and written a horrible email to my mum saying that family comes first and that they shouldnt have booked that venue and should have just had it in a pub.


My mum emailed him back and said that it isnt about the money the loved the venue and it has a max capacity which is quite low and they decided on the guest list and that she had nothing to do with who was invited.


What peevs my mum is that he makes no effort with us at all... he didnt come to my sons christening because he couldnt leave his horses, my mum had to beg him to come and see my nan when she was having cancer treatment. when she had had a major op and was in london he wouldnt go and see her because it would have taken him 2 hours (same time it took my mum to get there!) and he sent no letters or anything to my bro while he was in afghan whereas my auntie (sd side) sent cakes or letter out every week!


He didnt even send my nan a mothersday card!


I just dont know what to do. She is soo upset by this, my stepdad is fuming but she has told me not to say anything to my brother but I dont want my mum to be spoken to like this when he doesnt give to hoots about his family! He didnt even come to the party we had for my sister engagement/my other sisters 18th/ my brother leaving for afghan and his 21st (he was 21 while out there!) We had a big joint family party!


I just am not sure the best way for this to be dealt with!

fluffnutter

It's up to your brother who he invites to his wedding. If your uncle is upset about this, then he should take it up with your brother, not your mum (his sister, I assume?).

TBH, it already sounds like too many people are involved in this - the one thing with families, the more people stick their oar in the more inflamed everything can become.

This will probably fall on deaf ears, but I'd keep out of it if I were you. Let them get on with it.

WestonDave

Sounds like he is upset by the principle but in practice probably wouldn't have come if invited - which makes him a bit of a hypocrite. However fluffnutter is right - the more spoons stirring this particular pot, the less chance of it settling back to its normal state of disfunction! Stay out of it and focus on doing whatever you can to ensure your mum and brother have the best day possible despite the short notice etc.

newbutold

Personally I would tell my brother so that he can get in touch with the uncle and explain that it's his wedding, his guest list and your mother had no say over it and if he wants to express his dismay/anger at not being invited then express it to me not my mum!

Apart from telling your brother & comforting your mum I would not get involved.

Person_one

That's the thing about family relationships, often you get out what you put in. If you make no effort to stay close to nieces and nephews you can't really act surprised when they treat you as someone they aren't close to.

I'd just ignore his tantrum.

cord123

Thank you.I didnt want to get involved by way of speaking to him but I have just mentioned to my brother about it.


I just cant stand people that think they should be invited to stuff like this, personally i think his sending off party for afghan was more important than this and he couldnt be bothered!! arghhhhh!! too early for wine??! xx

VitaK

Uncle is upset with not getting an invite, so uncle kicks off and write your mum an e-mail, in hope that she can influence her son to give him an invite. The finale straw would be him suggesting a change in venue.

Maby your brother could give him a call and explain the situation before it gets out of hand.

Sambucus_Nigra

Get your mum to 'bounce' the email back to him and keep calm and carry on.

hermanmunster_3

Absolutely. No one has any right to be invited to a wedding. It is an honour but definitely not a right.

burnoutbabe

well its not really a family fall out, just one uncle being annoyed. no one else is bothered.

So just ignore it.

beanymagoo

I dont think that your uncle would have came to the wedding anyway if he was invited as he doesnt seem to attend any other family functions. Some people in life just like to create a drama as they have nothing better to do. Your brother and his wife to be have a short period of time to organise things and in their case quite rightly they are doing what is best for them. Best wishes to the happy couple!