NEW! My son went to Prison today, I'm sad, but glad

Caroline_a

I think what the OP wanted was for everyone to say how dreadful it was that her son was inside for something trivial - not that we know what it is. However, imho you've got to do something fairly bad these days to get sent down, petty burglary and car theft just gets a slap on the wrist these days.

OP, we understand that you love your son, that's taken as given. But if you continue to pamper and fuss over him, sending him things, phoning him, etc, it is you that is looking the fool. He has done wrong and is now being punished for it. Whereas you are giving him the impression that Mummy will kiss it all better for him. That's why he's saying it's your fault, it's because he knows you'll happily shoulder any blame for him.

I'm not sure how you think that someone else has posted on your user name that all your other kids use drugs, but it seems highly unlikely. This is what you've done wrong - my kids would never ever have shown any sign of drugs anywhere near me, they know that they'd have been grounded for life. And now as adults, they tell me that it was never an option for them as they knew my stance on them, and it would never have been worth the pain!! However, when your son saw that you tacitly condoned drugs, you gave him carte blanche to go ahead. This is why he blames you. So if you want to move forwards, you have to stop minimising the importance of what he has done and its consequence. Maybe if you acted like the rest of your family he would recognise that if he continues on this path he will lose all of his family. And maybe that's what it will take for him to become a responsible member of the community?

Who knows? I only know that you are approaching this the wrong way at the moment, and it's going to be as hard for you as it will be for him. The easy (and wrong) way is to keep playing Mummy with Mummy's Little Soldier. If you really love him, you'll come down with tough love.

agadoop

Robster you need to stop letting your son manipulate you!
If I had a pound for everytime I heard "its your fault" I would be able to put my son in the priory. Your son will blame everything and everyone for his addiction but himself, you need to accept you cannot help him. He will play on your emotions they become devious and selfish. Anytime I tried to explain to my son cannadis was a problem he went mental, they are very defensive about it.

You state you will be sending your son the best of things while in prison, lol good luck with that, material things mean nothing to him just gives him a means to getting drugs.

I know its not what you want to hear but you need to follow what your family is doing, turn your back on him, tough love it can work, make him realises he cant manipulate you anymore! Show him you are not prepared to accept his lifestyle and behavior anymore, it can be a shock to their systems.

I took my son to endless councillors over a 2 year period, he always went to the first session and then never went back, they don't like criticism of the drug or their lifestyle they just expect everyone to put up with their behavior, they want to hear oh they can't help it! let him be he'll come of it in his own time! that won't happen while we turn a blind eye to it.

One thing I can suggest is that although your son refuses help you can get it, while my son refused councilling I didn't these people are a wealth of information, they will explain the addiction, and everything they tell you will be like they are talking about you, they really are fantastic! I no longer ask myself where did I go wrong. because I now know I didn't go wrong he did, you need to stop shouldering the blame.

No matter how much you buy him, or how many times you accept his behavior, or justify him by saying he has a problem, he will not thank you for it, he will just walk over you more.

He's in prison let him stay there and stew, explain to him you are finished with him untill he gets help, don't send him things and money, let him work inside for it! tell him you love him and once he changes he is welcome back in your life, but until then he is on his own, and most importantly get help for yourself and you will feel less of a failure, my son came from a good home, a drug free home, a loving home, and my son hopefully one day will realise I didn't fail him he failed himself!.

ikkle87

I noticed you didn't reply to my question asking whether you had personally been a victim of crime? I asked this because I wondered if you knew how it felt to have somebody break into your home and go through all of your personal belongings, taking things most important to you but not only that your sense of safety and comfort in your own home? Or even assaulted leaving you too terrified to go out of your home after dark incase you get attacked again?

Crime has an effect on all it's victims, be that of shame, embarrassment, rage, anger and so on. By mollycoddling your son, which is what you are doing by saying you will get him the best, buy him luxuries etc you are condoning him committing crimes. You are telling him that it is ok to commit crimes and hurt other people be it physical, emotional on financially and you will reward him with the best of the best, that his prison sentence will be nothing short of a holiday stay if you get your own way, and that is wrong!

Showing your son you love him doesn't have to be about buying him things and showering him with gifts. It's about doing the best for him and in this case that means tough love.

Until you stop mollycoddling him and letting him push all his blame onto other people, he will never learn or stop. He is an adult, he has been sent to an adult prison, now it's time for him to man up and take responsibility for his actions and realise the only person to blame is himself.

A_Phoenix_of_Tangerine

The OP has been discovered to be a manipulator, and a liar. What is it they say on here? Oh yes:

"Please do not feed the Troll".

pinkshoes

I don't think you should visit your son. I think you should WRITE to him instead.

I'd ask him WHY he blames you for this.

Until he accepts responsibility for his own f*ck ups in life, he's never going to get far.

Once he's perhaps take a little more responsibility, THEN visit him.

Hermia

ikkle87 wrote: »

Crime has an effect on all it's victims, be that of shame, embarrassment, rage, anger and so on. By mollycoddling your son, which is what you are doing by saying you will get him the best, buy him luxuries etc you are condoning him committing crimes. You are telling him that it is ok to commit crimes and hurt other people be it physical, emotional on financially and you will reward him with the best of the best, that his prison sentence will be nothing short of a holiday stay if you get your own way, and that is wrong!

Well said, even petty crime can really hurt people.

I do wonder how the other kids are going to feel if their mum is spending all her time and money on their appallingly behaved brother. Perhaps crime pays in this instance!

neneromanova

Sorry but both of these threads scream Troll to me!! Very attention seeking and the truth keeps getting changed.

Please don't feed the Trolls!

wotagobshie

This is a very strange thread

DylanO

Hermia wrote: »

Well said, even petty crime can really hurt people.

I do wonder how the other kids are going to feel if their mum is spending all her time and money on their appallingly behaved brother. Perhaps crime pays in this instance!

Especially as she describes her disabled (adult) child as a "drain on society" but her most-criminal child is described with loving words.