children

urgentlyneedhelp

i am a step mum and was wondering if me and my partner split up would the children be able to stay with me like they want to they are above 9 years old.Their dad has walked out on them before and i have stayed with them he was away for 2 days and nights

Lotus-eater

You need legal advice, most solicitors give an hours free consultation, try that and citizens advice may be able to help as well.

clearingout

is mum not around? I suspect that would be very much a deciding factor...I assume you are saying you want residence of the children rather than just have them stay over night with you from time to time? do you have children (their half siblings) or children of your own (step siblings)?

freshstart11

All I can do here is give you my advice. I am very lucky and have a good relationship with both mothers of my ex husbands kids, I have very good relationships with the kids, love them all so much and they now love my new partner.

If it is time you want with them as over night etc, I would discuss with the mother (if in the picture and has custody) because she may be grateful you dont want to walk away from kids and break their heart (my situation)

If it is residancy you want I would agree with the previous posters and get legal advice.

If you wish to talk please do pm me - i have just had a lovely weekend with my step daughters staying over the night and step son (different mothers) spending the day with us - i am proof it can happen xx

fluffnutter

So many factors to take into account, primarily the wishes of their mother. We really need to know what she thinks about it all. If she's totally out of the picture, e.g. she's died or she has zero interest in her children, you could try adopting them.

This would give you a much more established role, legally speaking, in their lives.

I think you need some legal advice. Good luck.

Gavin83

I could be wrong here but surely residency would always be awarded to the natural parent? They're legally not your responsibility after all, if you split up you wouldnt be liable to pay maintenance.

Also, while I'm not saying it's acceptable, I dont really consider disappearing for two days as walking out on his children.

liney

Gavin83 wrote: »

Also, while I'm not saying it's acceptable, I dont really consider disappearing for two days as walking out on his children.

Really? If he didn't make provision for their care before wandering off for two days then what is it?

ukbull

I have to say that you have no rights to the children even if they want to stay with you. I had that with my ex and I had no rights walking away from the children was the hardest thing i ever did.

Also i agree that leaving them for 2 days is walking out on them and until you have been left and had to deal with the fall out you really won't know what its like.

doodoot

If you are talking about them visiting you to stay overnight every now and then, you would only need the permission of the birth parent - it would be a similar situation as a sleep-over with family/friends.

If you are talking about them being permanently with you and you acting the role of care-giver, then it's a different story and you need to see a solicitor.

Legally you would have to obtain parental responsibility, adopt them or be granted a residency order.

To get parental responsibility (PR) you require the permission of the parents who already have it - if mum/dad says no, then you won't get it.

To adopt them you need permission from the birth parents and they will lose all rights over the children.

Step-parents have no legal rights over their partner's children once a marriage occurs, you still have to apply to a court to be granted PR.

Perhaps you could broach the subject with your OH?

Tell him that you want to be a bigger legal part in his children's lives, and that you would like to get PR for them - you will then have a say in their education, medical interventions etc.

For instance, if one of them had to go to hospital for minor treatment and he was on one of his 'jolleys' you would not be able to sign the consent form, the birth mother would have to attend.

If mum is out of the picture completely and your OH has sole care, then your chances of him agreeing to PR are slightly better.

And after you've discussed this ask him when he's going to be a responsible father and husband and stop acting like a teenager. :mad:

Gavin83

liney wrote: »

Really? If he didn't make provision for their care before wandering off for two days then what is it?

I don't know really, I just consider 'walking out on your children' as being slightly longer term. The OP needs to explain it a little more anyway, why did he leave for two days? I'm not saying its right, it's completely wrong but I personally view it as being longer term. It's just my definition though and can see why people feel differently.

PR seems to be the way to go but I feel it will be extremely hard to gain, depending on if he wants to deal with his children or not. I'm presuming your relationship isn't good as your asking this question, he'll be aware of this and requesting PR during this time will just raise suspicions.

esmy

Are you married? If so you can apply to the court for a Residence Order for your step children - see here;
http://www.cafcass.gov.uk/the_law_about_children/contact_and_residence.aspx
Without a court order you would need parent's agreement for you to care for them. If you aren't married this would be considered a private fostering arrangement (ie arranged between you and a parent) and you would need to let your Local Authority know that you were looking after them.
http://www.privatefostering.org.uk/
Hope this helps.