colleagues talking behind my back by email

jamiehec

hiya i need some advice..

I've just started a new job and i'm 3 weeks in, i work in i.t and today I caught a glimpse of the colleague who's desk is next to me computer and in his emails I noticed my name in a email being mentioned several times from another colleague who sits the other side of me, it looked like a long conversation with several 'lol's so it obviously wasn't business related. I also notice them giggling to themselves.

I'm really paranoid and very upset that they are possibly talking about me behind my back.

I haven't had a great 3 weeks in the new job with these two colleagues as they are meant to be my mentors and train me up, however I feel they just chuck me in the deep end, expect me to know all the details about the system within my first couple of days which is impossible.

Whenever I ask them questions they come across as annoyed with me and tell my to refer to my notes..

I'm never involved in the office banter which i try my best to be engaged in but it's hard when they have their own private jokes..

What should I do? it's affected me quite badly this evening and I can't get it of my mind so have posted it on here!

brightonman123

i would see boss quietly, and report them for possible (personal) misuse of work pc's.. no need to accuse them directly for what you cant prove, as yet..

jamiehec

brightonman123 wrote: »

i would see boss quietly, and report them for possible (personal) misuse of work pc's.. no need to accuse them directly for what you cant prove, as yet..

that's one thing i don't want to do, If I report them it's just going to cause a even more horrible environment in the office and make me feel even worse going into work.

wapow

A) See the boss as mentioned.
If theyre behaving annoyed with you everytime you ask them something then cant help you there im afraid. Some people are just d**ks.
C) Dont let it upset you fella. Some people will do this in some places. Dont feel you have to get involved in whatever discussions or whatever. You go at your own pace ok?
D) Keep asking their help. If they act annoyed let them. Keep on doing it. Dont worry about it. Theyre there to help so use them as much as you can. Sometimes you just gotta soldier on through this.

Sambucus_Nigra

Every office has their own jokes; in time you do get into them but it takes a while.

If they are referring you to your notes; ask 'which day specifically did you go through this particular item as I have already scanned them and can't find it'. Of course - if you HAVE taken notes and aren't referring to them then they are quite correct in referring you to them as that's the point of notes.

jamiehec

wapow wrote: »

A) See the boss as mentioned.
If theyre behaving annoyed with you everytime you ask them something then cant help you there im afraid. Some people are just d**ks.
C) Dont let it upset you fella. Some people will do this in some places. Dont feel you have to get involved in whatever discussions or whatever. You go at your own pace ok?
D) Keep asking their help. If they act annoyed let them. Keep on doing it. Dont worry about it. Theyre there to help so use them as much as you can. Sometimes you just gotta soldier on through this.

c seems to be the best option! it's just a crap environment to work in when people are talking behind your back, not being apart of the banter and just feeling very left out. Suppose I'll just go in, do work and come home! hopefully relationships will build over time..

thanks a lot, really has made me feel a bit better!

paddyrg

Being the new guy is crappy, I used to contract so was the new guy often. Try to find a common interest with the other staff, be it flying, poker, dogs, kids, holidays or even smoking (yes! smoking is actually an excellent way to break the ice with colleagues - with obvious drawbacks like killing you, though). When you visit their desks, keep an eye out for hints of things that interest them (eg dogs, straw donkeys, etc) and use them as starting points for a casual chat when you're both by the kettle sometime. Basically, break the ice. It can be tough, but it is almost always possible.

ditzyat50

You can only do your best and sometimes it can feel people don't want you to make a go of it and they want to see you sink. There's some mean nasty people in the world so remind yourself how lucky you are not to be part of their group. Meantime get the better of them by one way or another making sure you ace at this job. And certainly do not give them the satisfaction of seeing that it bothers you, because that give them a buzz. Don't let it. Shame they don't have anything better in their lives than to slate you behind your back. Chin up and keep slogging away. Good luck.

Xhale_2

It can take ages to get 'in' with people and sadly some people are shallow and don't realise the hurt they cause. If you can just hold on in there keep your head down . The advice of trying to see what people are interested in is a good idea. I am very shy and have just maintained 'containment' which has fared me well as now people just accept I am quiet. Also I never ever get involved in the gossip. People respect me for it I have also now sussed out the more trustworthy people on the team as well. Good Luck give it a chance its early days x

ska_lover

I never involve myself in office banter. I work closely with other people I have nothing in common with and there is a big age difference, and have done for a few years, dont get me wrong, we are civil etc .However I often get the feeling that they are talking about me - you know the kind of thing when you walk into a room and it goes silent all of a sudden and everyone glares at you - I really dont give a rats a*ss. I dont go to work to make friends..

Maybe you should take some of my attitude lol

JamesK10

You just have to remember a couple of things;

1) Gossips never gossip to help their target;

2) They're so ******* dumb they are leaving an electronic trail and preserving the evidence of any future tribunal right there on their systems.


I would say ignore them and tough it out and then pass your probation. Once you're actually staff, that's when you can take it further and have a leg to stand on; you do anything now as a new person and they can just engineer your chucking out and have probably done it before.

If you're ever accidentally CC'd in, PRINT IT OUT for yourself, cc it to a personal email account, and store the evidence. These types of cases are, sadly, always a long game.

[EDIT] and I've got Ska Lover's attitude, he's right, people hate you for it but once it's clear you don't give a toss, it soon passes.