Real life MMD: Should I ask my brother-in-law for unpaid rent?

mungaman

Forget it!! If you didn't have a contract written up & they
obviously didn't pay, then it's your own fault. You're supposed
to get rent @ the end of the month. What about their deposit??
You could've kept this back. (actually I'm guessing you probably
didn't even have a deposit). Next time, rent out through an agency;
they may take 10-20% but you always get your rent at the end of the
month (this is what I do currently).
All in all, forget the money, put it down to experience & learn from it!!
Yeeeee Haaaaaa

happyinflorida

Did you pay him for the jobs he did in your house? If not, why not? You are expecting to be paid rent by him but you don't expect to pay him for his hard work?!
I think you need to work out exactly what you owe him for what he's done for you and then you can take that off what he owes you - you may end up owing him money!!
If you are friendly still then you could try asking for the money but as this is family and your wife isn't keen on you asking him, this could end up causing a big problem - so is the money worth it?
Your choice, you know the exact situation better than us!

Maat

Oh my goodness, why don't people ever talk to each other?

Your wife doesn't seem to be backing you in this but that's ok, she's worried about hurting your brother-in-law's feelings, and that's ok too.

The fact is that this isn't a black and white situation. Your brother's work on your behalf has a value, but then so does your niece's residence. So my way of dealing with it would be to give your b-i-l a nice cup of tea (coffee, beer, whatever) and just tell him how you feel. No judgements, no requests for money, but simply that the whole idea of renting the rooms was to make some money, that you really appreciate all he's done for you, and that there's £1,000 rent outstanding. So please could you discuss it and see if you could agree a figure between you. Not the £1,000 obviously, and not £0 either, but somewhere in between.

Let your b-i-l know you value his goodwill and his help, also his friendship and the fact that he's related to you coz that counts too. Listen to what he has to say, really completely listen to what he has to say, you want to understand things from his perspective too. And once you have then he'll be better able to listen to you and understand things from your perspective.

I hope you can establish a common ground between you. Good luck.

joehoover

Where to start....

You mention he did jobs aorund the house, how much would this have cost to get someone else in to do that, and think if you start pursuing him what he will do in retaliation, a family is then at war - is that worth it?

Did the nieces roommate pay anything to her for rent, I can see if that happened that she could have lived rent free and also pocketed at the same time, if this is the case this is not right regardless of jobs he did around the house. But this just says more about their attitude to family.

But saying that if it's now been left too long since this all happened then forget about it, it should have been dealt with at the time, if too much time has passed forget about it and look at other ways to get £1000 by trawling this site for money saving/gaining advice.

I don't think there is anything you can or should do, take it as a lesson learned.

Ebenezer_Screwj

What a disorganised !!!!-eyed arrangement ! I wouldn't hold your breath on getting anything back from anyone. In future rent out your rooms to disinterested parties having first obtained references and set up a formal legal agreement.

danson

Maat wrote: »

Oh my goodness, why don't people ever talk to each other?

Your wife doesn't seem to be backing you in this but that's ok, she's worried about hurting your brother-in-law's feelings, and that's ok too.

The fact is that this isn't a black and white situation. Your brother's work on your behalf has a value, but then so does your niece's residence. So my way of dealing with it would be to give your b-i-l a nice cup of tea (coffee, beer, whatever) and just tell him how you feel. No judgements, no requests for money, but simply that the whole idea of renting the rooms was to make some money, that you really appreciate all he's done for you, and that there's £1,000 rent outstanding. So please could you discuss it and see if you could agree a figure between you. Not the £1,000 obviously, and not £0 either, but somewhere in between.

Let your b-i-l know you value his goodwill and his help, also his friendship and the fact that he's related to you coz that counts too. Listen to what he has to say, really completely listen to what he has to say, you want to understand things from his perspective too. And once you have then he'll be better able to listen to you and understand things from your perspective.

I hope you can establish a common ground between you. Good luck.

Maat - brilliant, sensible, wise reply. So many of these situations are smaller than imagined and a mature and sympathetic chat can sort things out without damaging goodwill. Easy not to see this when you're caught up in it but the conversations are rarely as difficult as you imagine.

Money_Saving_Forever

You need to work out what the value of the work done was and offset that against the "rent" owed...if it is just a few quid then let it be and learn from the experience you plonka! If it isn't then take Maat's advice and sit down with b-i-l to discuss.

Next time don't ever mix business with pleasure, or if you insist on mixing COMMUNICATE the costs to save situations like this later...

Gresp

purpleweasel wrote: »

Just curious: why is everyone assuming it's his wife's brother? It could as easily be his sister's husband!

Or it could just as easily be her sister's husband - we don't know the gender of the OP!

Not that it's actually relevant. Just curious too....

Daisy_Charlotte

Really tricky one this and depends how much you actually need the money? Is it enough to permanently break down the family relationship? However, on the other hand would you ever forgive them for essentially 'ripping you off'. I have had both situations, I asked my brother for money owed which I got, however he has never forgiven me for asking as in his words 'I can't believe you asked me for this, you are my sister'. So recently another family member owed us money and I have decided to let it go and not ask as although I feel bitter and cheated I learnt from my last experience that money can destroy families. Having said that I have now learnt never ever to put myself in a situation like this.
So if you don't need the money (regardless of how useful it would come in) probably best to write it off and put it down to experience.

oldnewhand

The problem is we don't know all of the background information.

We have been in a similar situation where we rented accommodation to our grandson. We did have a legal rental agreement. He had to quit due to mental health issues and did owe some rent. We choose not to pursue this because he is family and feel his health is more important than the money. Nevertheless there are times we do feel aggrieved by the direct and indirect losses we have suffered from this but we made our choices in everyone's best interest in discussion with all involved parties.

The lessons from this are to have legal agreements you can fall back on, to openly discuss options and come to an agreement then get on with life.
A forward in this dilemma would be to sit down and openly and rationally discuss the matter so long as it's not too far in the past. Open by offering appreciation for the work b-in -law has done and ask what he thinks would be a fair amount to offer for the unpaid rent. He may not be in a position to pay anything but might offer more of his time freely. Go into this discussion expecting nothing so you will be pleased if he offers to do £500 worth of work for you. Then enjoy your family life together, resentment give you frowns and wrinkles!