Help with a child who is good at home but not at school

pogofish

karenx wrote: »

My son is 8 and just moved to a new school start of the year. His old school I wasnt keen on, the teachers and the children.
All was going well untill 2 weeks ago I got called in to see the head teacher. said that he has been misbehaving in class, silly things like talking when not meant to etc. He said its not on and he needs to stop. I spoke to him that night and said he needs to make a good impression and to also make friends so to be nice at all times and not to talk when not meant to etc.
All goes fine again untill monday I get called in to see head teacher again. Said he hasnt improved and was found shouting in playground, throwing pencils and just being a bit of a pest. She kept being quite agressive to me and asking why he was doing this and that I must know why he does it. I said I have already spoken to him and he keeps saying he wont do it again. And as Im not there I dont know what he is doing. She said hes my son so my responsobility that hes doing this. I explained I would talk to him again and make sure I ground him etc so he knows this is serious and that he cant do it in class again as it distupts everyone. She ended the conversation on "this cant contine or he will be expelled"
So today I was in again seeing her and she said he was fine this morning but in afternoon he throw another pencil across the table. And that tomorrow is his last chance and if does the slightest thing wrong he is expelled with immideate effect.
Surly they should be helping him and not just saying he is going to be expelled. Can they do that over silly wee things like this???
Im sitting so depressed and panicking about school tomorrow incase he does somethimg silly and they will throw him out. He is totally fine at home though, I get the usual moaning from him cos he hates tidying his room or putting clothes away etc but he doesnt do anything majorly bad

I have explained he will be thrown out of the school if he does anything silly in class and that I will struggle for another school for him and that he is getting grounded as I have been called in to see head teacher a few times. He was crying his eyes out saying he will be good etc. But Im just so scared someone will egg him on to do something and he is the one who gets in trouble and then expelled

Im a single parent of 2 also, I just dont know how I will cope if he is thrown out the school, Hes a bright boy who is good at his work, good at helping and wants to learn etc!

Are you sure thay have not just taken an ill-will against him?

I saw this sort of thing a few times in schools I used to work-in wanted to lever a child out for various difficult reasons eg religion, race, more "attractive" kids on waiting lists etc and as a left handed child from a less than "true blue" family background I had to put-up with a hellish time at school that included all sorts of threats and claims about my "misbehaviour".

Eventually a visiting uncle got sick of the situation and put the wind up the LEA by involving an Educational Psychologist and a Solicitor. The complaints vanished like snow off a dyke and all of a sudden I was offered a new place at a far better school.

daska

I'd go with what Savvy_Sue suggests but I'd add additional questions
- exactly when did this behaviour start, how often does it occur (DS2 has an 'incident' sheet to monitor exactly how his behaviour ebbs and flows)? And in what ways has it changed/developed?
- what triggers have they identified? (could it be certain subjects, teachers, classrooms, grouping?)
- what is the reaction of the other children in the class? (i.e. do they egg him on?)
- if his behaviour is so concerning as to deserve expulsion why have they not involved the educational psychologist in an attempt to get to the bottom of it?

Desperado99

I was wondering......... what was his behaviour like at his old school?

You said yourself that you didn't like the old school (the teachers and the kids) and I just wondered if the old school had a lot of bad behaviour. I'm thinking he may have picked up behaviour that was 'acceptable' at his old school and just hasn't quite settled into the rules of his new school (if you get what I mean).

I do agree with other posters that the head needs to spell out what they are doing to help him modify his behaviour.

janninew

pleasedelete wrote: »

Are you sure that he is good at home? Sounds hard but do you ever discipline him or require him to behave? If you just let him do as he pleases at home with no boundaries that may be part of the issue. If I let my son play on x box, drink coke all day, sit in his room and eat junk food he woukd be perfectly well behaved. Our conflicts (and they are very minor) come when he is asked to do things that he doesn't want or doesn't think that he should do.

Your view of well behaved at home may not be the view that others would have.

Go and talk to the school about the kind of strategies that you can use at home and they can use at school.

Why did he really leave his last school? Most parents don't move children just because they are not keen? Did they question his behaviour? Does he think that if he misbehaves he will be able to go back to his old school? Is he unhappy and without friends at his new school?

Your last paragraph is exactly what I was thinking when reading the OP. Not being keen on the school and other kids is a strange reason to move schools! Did he have bad behaviour at the last school and that's why you moved him? Believe it or not schools don't like to expel children, it doesn't look good. I've worked in schools all my working life and I've never know schools to take a dislike to a child for no reason and try and push them out.