I'm scared of entering into a DMP! Please help!

Never_Again_4

Lonely,

I contacted Payplan sometime ago and am currently in my 15th month of my DMP and I can honestly say it is the best thing I have ever done. Like you, I had debts of around £50,000 that I was trying to keep a secret but after yet one more sleepless night decided that I couldn't go on living that way. I confessed all to my partner (who took it all much better than I'd anticipated) and made the phone call (Payplan had been recommended to me by a friend - the only other person I'd shared my "guilty secret" with).

The first couple of months were stressful because (like you) I was really worried that my creditors wouldn't accept my offers but, over time, their acceptances started to come in. The one piece of advice I would give is persevere with these and your creditors will eventually agree. Just remember that it is in their interest to agree to your offers as if they don't and you go down the IVA (or another) route they may never get all their money back. Funnily enough, the company that was most reluctant was the one I had the smallest debt with!

There is light at the end of the tunnel. It is going to take me a long time to pay my debt off but last year (for the first time in six years) I saw my total debt go down rather than up and that has definitely made it all worth while!

HHH_2

Hi L I've pm'd you

lonely_2

All the expenditure I have listed is my share of everything (50%) - so yes I really do spend £500 on food with my husband! This includes my monthly groceries (cleaning products, toiletries, the lot) plus meals at work and the occasional restaurant meal. When it's broken down, £250 per person - that's only £62 a week - really isn't that much. And, as I have arthritis, I am not prepared to compromise my health by eating a bad diet or giving up the gym (this is the only practical way I find time to exercise in between my job).

I really can't find the courage to tell my husband. I really do not think he has any idea, which would make it all the worse if I had to tell him. I have said that I need to pay lots of money into my pension from now on - to make up for all the years I didn't pay into one. I am hoping this will curb his suspicions about where my income is going and prevent me from living beyond my means anymore. I guess he doesn't realise because we have separate accounts and share the bills in a really informal way (he pays for some, I pay for some).

I suppose deep down I realise I do have to tell him at some point, if only to stop one lie spiralling into another, but I would much prefer to do this when he could see evidence that I was sorting out the problem. I really do love him and I am scared the lies and pretence will stop him from ever really trusting me again. I know I'm a coward.

Mrs_J_3

Tell him! If the shoe was on the other foot and he was carrying debts of £50k and you didn't know, how would you feel about it? You need to cut back, and he'll wonder why, it's not right that you lie to him. I appreciate it isn't easy telling people, but he loves you and decieving him that everything's rosey will do more harm than exposing your debt ever could.

As for a £500 a month food bill, holy moly! My partner and I are wannabe foodies and eat very well on £160 a month. If you are eating ready meals, you are not eating good food, there is no need to buy "finest" and "best ranges, they are not neccesarily any better quality. I suspect this will this fact will take a while to sink in, most people think they can't possibly give up X and Y, but once they do, they can't believe they were so stubborn in the first place (myself included).

Best of luck sorting your debts, this board is a mine of information and support!

poppy52

I have been on a dmp with Payplan for 18 months - best thing I ever did. My debt was about £100k and my take home pay is about £3k. I pay £1330 a month to Payplan. Payplan are quite rigorous about allowances for living expenses - they would probably not allow £250 per person for food, it is £200 a month each. Clothes are £20, hair is £8, pets £25 etc. I am allowed to claim pro rata for son when he is home from university. They allow a small amount for emergencies - mine is £50. Ig is tight, but I usually have something left over at the end of the month. It's great watching my debt go down each month - you can do this via the internet.

Most creditors have frozen interest (not the Inland Revenue though) - some take ages to do this. They have all accepted the dmp, although every so often they will write threatening letters and have a moan. They rarely phone - usually at the 6 month mark when they want to check up on you.

lonely_2

Actually, I know I could live on less than £250 a month for food but I figured that whatever I do save, I could put into an emergency fund - I haven't budgeted anything for pressies, socialising or the roof caving in! I suppose the same goes for my clothes budget, although I do have to dress smartly for my job.

As for the husband, I will try my best to tell him. Just need to find the right place and time, e.g. not on the long Valentine's break that I was on this weekend (paid for by him before you ask!)

poppy52

If you do a dmp with Payplan, they will help you budget. You could always claim a couple of cats and put that towards Christmas presents! (You can't include holidays or things like presents) It's not as hard as it seems - one of the conditions of a dmp is that you do not use any credit, and this includes overdraft, cheques or debit card. I had to open a new bank account - Cashminder account with the Co-op, very basic, electron card only. I also have a pay-as-you-go Mycashplus 'credit card' to use for travel - I travel a lot for work and train fare machines don't take Electron. I tend to therefore pay cash for food, which makes it easier to budget. I do a lot more cooking than I used to because I buy far less convenience food. I feel quite proud of myself because for the first time in years I am living within my means. It gets a bit irritating at times - colleagues can afford holidays several times a year, buy loads of clothes etc, and I have the odd weekend away and go to TkMax. But that's a small irritation - living within your means is a great challenge. There are lots of sites to help, Payplan are wonderful, and I feel like I'm in control of my life.

Wannabesaver_4

Firstly you have made a mistake, you are only human and need to stop beating yourself up about this. You didnt hurt, upset or endanger anyone you just owe some money. You are facing up to the problem and doing something about it. Welldone you.

Right here comes the tough talk;;)

:eek: You will get banks calling you, they will demand their money and some will be downright rude, but you simply be polite, give them your payplan number and advise them that due to advice you have been given you will not be giving them any money other than through Payplan (or CCCS cant remember who your with).
:cool: You need to try and toughen up with them or they will keep calling, if you say the same thing everytime they will give up.
:eek: Your heart will sink everytime the phone rings but they stop i promise and after only a few weeks!
:rolleyes: If the calls get too much to handle request they only contact you via the post - if they breach this you can report them to the finaicial authorites i believe.

You are doing the right thing but you do need to consider telling your husband. As others have said i am sure he has an inkling and will probably find out when in future you try to get another mortgage. You will also feel better after telling him - that in itself is a huge burden.

Lastly - with regards to the paying creditors before the DMP starts i woudlnt. Just send a letter showing your intentions and include a token payment of a pound or fiver. This way you can gather some money behind you.

Good Luck and any other questions just post - but you will be fine!!!

Bestthingsinlifearefree

lonely wrote:

As for the husband, I will try my best to tell him. Just need to find the right place and time, e.g. not on the long Valentine's break that I was on this weekend (paid for by him before you ask!)

THIS IS THE POINT. It is YOUR family money that paid for the break.

The money spent by him on the long Valentines weekend could have gone to paying off your debts.

There is no point a husband saying I am not in debt so I am going to splash out mean while his wife is drowning in debt.

Ultimately (and legally) if your married your finances are intrinsically linked no matter how much couples pretend they are not.

If you get made redundant, pregnant , sick etc and had no income.

Is your husband going to say bad luck, you got no money you will have to starve etc etc ? Or if you can't pay your half of the mortgage is he going to evict you etc etc ?

Your finances are joint whether you admit it or not once you are married. You get poor together, you get rich together, your money is his money and his money is your money, his debt is your debt and your debt is his. Maybe I am just an old fashioned 34 yr old bloke !:rolleyes:

(anyway I will get off my soap box now;)

Keep up the good work.:beer:

Best,

lonely_2

Thanks for all the advice, I'm going to think about everything that has been suggested. Just one more question, is there anywhere that lists all creditors' addresses if you are having payment difficulties? Can't bear the idea of trawling through all those websites again!