bullied at work

Sambucus_Nigra

Whereas I usually agree that in no circumstances should a parent call on behalf of a child at work - if the bullying is that bad, then sometimes needs must.

Googlewhacker

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

I don't think you should have called yourself - your daughter is an adult and if you want her to be taken seriously in her role at work then you need to be hands-off with her employer.

There is no way an effective (and fair) investigation can take place without the manager being involved. Otherwise, it would be a witchhunt - would you want your daughter to work for an organisation that took information from a third party and acted on it without speaking with the individual concerned?

The things that SHOULD have been done are:

- find out the company bullying / respect policies and act according to those policies.

- if no policy, your daughter should have spoken to her manager's line manager or to another manager and contact HR.

- keep a diary of all events that demonstrate bullying behaviour.

You should leave this to your daughter - yes, give her moral support but it is not professional for you to speak to her employer about this or for her MD to speak to you about your daughter's employment.

Couldn't have said it any better, OP you unfortunately have probably done more damage than good because when it gets out to the manager (and it is highly likely it will) it makes your daughter look even worse that she 'ran to mummy'.

We know you were trying to help but as said you need to leave it to your daughter to deal with her own problems otherwise she will never learn the true way to deal with bullies and other life problems.

Tiddlywinks

janey70 wrote: »

well the person who is coming to see my daughter is the person who deals with stuff like this i rang for my daughter as she is at work and in such a state i had to do something adult or no adult

You first posted at 1.35 asking for advice and you had two people offer suggestions (good ones) and say your daughter needs to deal with this herself.

Then at 2.12 you post again saying that you had by then called HO and spoken to the MD??? So why post on here first if you were set on calling in yourself?

Do you really think that speaking to your daughter's MD is the way forward? Could you not have given her the support to do this herself?

janey70

during the time posting this my daughter rang me in a state saying she had been shouted at again this morning thats when i deiced to ring the head office just out of desperation as hearing her on phone was breaking me but thanks to all of you that have suggested help

macalacka

I agree with some of the others, your daughter must be the one to deal with this as she is over 18. I work in HR and will not speak to parents of employee's if they are over 18 and so ask the parent to provide my name and number to their son/daughter.

The HO are obliged to keep this private and confidential however, should your daughter wish to raise a grievance then it is only fair the manager is made aware of the accusations against him/her.

Tiddlywinks

janey70 wrote: »

during the time posting this my daughter rang me in a state saying she had been shouted at again this morning thats when i deiced to ring the head office just out of desperation as hearing her on phone was breaking me but thanks to all of you that have suggested help

So, why not advise your DD to call HO or go to another manager?

She has to learn to deal with bullies - you can't / won't always be there for her.

Orville

I disagree with the majority on some points.

If the daughter is being bullied that much to the point where she is virtually having a breakdown, then i think the parent was right to get involved. She could have gone to HR or raised a grievence but do you know for sure this would have been acted upon?. What if it hadn't and was just a quick chat between HR and the manager as they know each other (nudge nudge / wink wink). If that were the case i can guarantee the op's daughters working life would be 10x worse. Because the op rang the MD herself, thus circumventing the manager and HR it might get acted upon in the proper way. I would disagree that it would become a witch hunt. The MD might investigate without the manager knowing an unearth a whole amount of bulling that is going on in the workplace. If the manager knows what's going on he could easily put subtle pressure on the other workplace members not to say anything. If people know it is being investigated by a higher authority i reckon they would be more likely to speak up.

Sometimes you know peeps some people arn't strong enough to deal with it themselves, like Sambucus Nigra said sometimes needs must. For all we know if it carries on the op's daughter could end up harming herself.

Googlewhacker

Orville wrote: »

I disagree with the majority on some points.

If the daughter is being bullied that much to the point where she is virtually having a breakdown, then i think the parent was right to get involvedMaybe right down the line but at the first hint of a problem....no sorry the daughter should have tried to dealt with it herself WITH support of the mother. She could have gone to HR or raised a grievence but do you know for sure this would have been acted upon?How do you know the MD will act on it or will just have a chat with the manager and see whether the mother is over reacting. What if it hadn't and was just a quick chat between HR and the manager as they know each other (nudge nudge / wink wink). thats as likely as the MD and manager being cosey to each other If that were the case i can guarantee the op's daughters working life would be 10x worse. Because the op rang the MD herself, thus circumventing the manager and HR it might get acted upon in the proper way. I would disagree that it would become a witch hunt. The MD might investigate without the manager knowing an unearth a whole amount of bulling that is going on in the workplace. If the manager knows what's going on he could easily put subtle pressure on the other workplace members not to say anything. If people know it is being investigated by a higher authority i reckon they would be more likely to speak up.you are presuming that there is a rigid structure to the hierachy of business which frankly doesn't happen in most businesses

Sometimes you know peeps some people arn't strong enough to deal with it themselves, like Sambucus Nigra said sometimes needs must. For all we know if it carries on the op's daughter could end up harming herself.

Needs must but again, not at the first time of trouble...

Orville

Googlewhacker wrote: »

Needs must but again, not at the first time of trouble...

All vaild points, guess we shall have to wait and see what the outcome is.....

DVardysShadow

I'm with those who say she is an adult and must deal with it. Yes, things can be that dire that something needs to happen. But if you ring in as parent to protect an adult, then you are denying the victim a chance to handle it themselves and more importantly, you are setting in motion an almost inevitable sequence of events which will see the victim's position made even more impossible. In short, you are throwing away options and making the likely into the inevitable.