UPDATE: Ex Boyfriend "Relationship Debt"

Borrisx

The man sounds like a complete tool; I can only sympathise on this one.

chesky369

Go to your local CAB and ask them to put you in touch with a local solicitor who can discuss general litigation issues with you on a 'free surgery' basis (for about 20-30 minutes). They will be able to tell you the correct way to conduct the matter from now on.

If it were me, I would simply not respond to him any more. He will never in a month of Sundays be able to take you to court or to sell on the debt to a debt collector. Let him stew.

MoneyMagic01273

Hi OP

Sorry you are going through all of this. Sounds like your ex is a horrible, horrible person.

But you have to understand that what he is doing (and has done) to you constitutes serious harrasment. Copying your colleague into his day-to-day communications with you - even if he does try to make his email sound official somehow - in itself is serious harrasment. Even if that person has previously whitnessed or countersigned something.

If it went to court and he/you or the Judge wished to call that person in to the proceedings, then that is one thing. However, copying that person into to his normal correspondence to you is harrasment and he is going to get himself into some serious trouble if he continues to do that.

It also sounds to me like you would probably have a good argument that the agreement was signed following a sustained period of harrasment by your ex. And certainly what he is doing regarding trying to enforce unjustified "relationship debt" and large amounts of interest is unlawful also.

Take comfort from the fact that he is very unlikely to be able to pass this on to any kind of third party. That is not something someone can normally do with any kind of alleged personal debt (and certainly not one as legally dubious as this) and so whilst his threats may sound horrible to you - don't be scared by them. They are meaningless words with no actual substance. He is obviously trying to immitate a letter he thinks an official creditor might send but he doesn't seem to realise that he is digging himself a very big hole by trying to do this. That is unlawfully threatening behaviour, simply because he is actually threatening to take a course of action that is unlikely to be open to him.

The most he would ever be able to do is try to appoint his own solicitor and enforce the "agreement" that way - or try to take you to court himself.

And at this point, if he did try to take you to court, he would probably land himself in some deep deep trouble for what he has done.

As difficult as things seem, try to keep the emotional side of this under control. Do as others have suggested and route his emails through to a folder automatically so that they don't bother you but you have a record of them.

Explain things to your HR manager. He/She should be sympathetic if you explain the background. And it may also be possible to ask if there is someway your IT dept can block this guys email address from making it through your network if he is also harrasing/interruping other employees.

Not sure if you have considered talking to Citizens Advice? They may initially say the debt thing is a civil matter - however the harrasment side of this is something they may be able to discuss with you to determine what options are available to you to stop this guy from doing what he's doing, as it is certainly unlawful. They might be able to direct you to your own possible legal aid/representation in order for you to make your own harrassment case against him. [edit - Chescky beat me to it!)

I really hope things work out.

Mojisola

vax2002 wrote: »

My honest advice is this.
Find out how to set up spam filters on your e.mail server.
Filter out his messages in to your spam box and set them for auto-delete.
You need to remove this **** out of your head space ASAP.
He wont take you anywhere, what he is doing is illegal.
So if you need advice how to set up a filter post your e.mail provider such as o2, tiscali ect and someone will show you how to do it.

I wouldn't delete them - they are evidence of harassment.

MoneyMagic01273

Mojisola wrote: »

I wouldn't delete them - they are evidence of harassment.

I agree. And I am tempted to say the OP should just find a way to deal with them as they arrive - but putting them away.

But what is difficult however is that all the while he is copying in someone else at her work, its not just a case of the OP ignoring them. It is also going to be interrupting someone else at her work.

Hence my suggestion that the OP asks her employer whether there is a way of blocking his email address. I know some email systems can easily do this - resulting in a undeliverable mail error being return to the sender.

Although she may be losing "evidence" - that may be a better way of handling this issue.

Willow_K

If you wanted to give him a bit of a fright, you could always email him one last time, informing him that you believe he is harrassing you and that you are taking advice from the police and also a solicitor about recouping the money you have already paid.

You may also wish to point out to him that as he has been charging interest, it counts as income and you will be contacting HMRC (and the benefits office if he is claiming) to ensure that he is declaring it!

Although probably easier to ignore him, especially if you are going down the official route of reporting him, if the police are unable to help due to it being a civil matter, I would be tempted to give a little of what he has put you through back to him before ignoring him permanently.

david_m4

Police. First thing on Monday. This man is extorting money from you, by trying to embarras you in front of work colleagues. Even if they don't end up charging him with criminal harassment and extortion, I think a visit from the Old Bill should put a very quick stop to his behaviour.

Davey

JoeyCat wrote: »

Regarding my post: Ex Boyfriend Debt - Advise please?

vax2002

To be honest if she was going to go down any route, she would have done it.
She has more than enough evidence to have him lifted for Blackmail, threatening to contact her work and cause trouble if she refuses to pay him money.
She would be better sitting down with HR and explaining that she is caught up in a blackmail plot with an ex-partner and if she does not pay him the bulk of her spare wages he threatens he will cause trouble at work and she is frightened of loosing her job, a few tears would help as well .
She needs to either get of the fence and have him lifted for blackmail or just ignore him, the third option of reading and waiting for evidence will just cause her more pain.
Many blackmailers have tried to claim that they had "contracts" it changes nothing, the guy is using threats to extort money from her.
I doubt he would even get bail.

MoneyMagic01273

Yep. Having re-read the other thread I think I would definately be at the point where I would write back to him to say you will no longer be entering into any further correspondence with him or making any payments in repect of the alleged "relationship debt" as:

1) the agreement he refers to was signed only after a period of sustained harrasment by him;

2) the original agreement was wholly unlawful, inadequately substanciated and included grossly unfair terms (including repayment of gifted items, unlawful arbitrary interest charges and a request that you indemnify him against rent monies he legally owed) none of which you were in any way obligated to do;

3) as he has continued to harrass you - including contacting your friends and colleagues - and has threatened to involve a 3rd party debt collector (which is a course of action unlikely to be available to him and appears to be a further threat tactic designed only to intimidate you)

I would invite him to take whatever course of action he deems appropriate and tell him you look forward to any potential future opportunity to meet him in court and present the facts of this matter to a legal judge, who can decide on the case.

And finally, advise him that any further contact with you will be regarding as further harrassment - and copy in the name of the person who you speak to at the local police station.

Enterprise_1701C

I can just imagine him sitting down with a mate trying to make this sound good - as someone else said it is rather pitiful that they did not sort out the grammar and spelling before sending it!!

Just one thing I would say - IF (very unlikely) he farms it out to a third party you DO NOT have to let them in to your house. You would only have to let them in if they were court appointed bailiffs.

Please do not let anyone in that you do not know at the moment just in case he is playing tactics. If you give a bailiff permission to enter your house then that permission stands and he can just gain access by whatever means at a future time. (If the rules have changed then I am sure someone will come on and correct me).

I am with everyone else - go to the police, take all the emails etc. The only way this would get close to being enforceable would be through the civil courts and the threats he is making, and the frequency with which he makes them, constitute harrassment.

As for the interest, even businesses can't charge private persons interest on debts (whether real or imaginary) without a court order, he certainly cannot charge it.

If he starts court proceedings, jumped up idiot that he is he might just think it is his right, then counter-sue to regain the money you have paid him and for any consequential losses (interest you should have earned, bank charges, any charges for missed payments on other debts etc).

Don't let this go on, you have taken the first step, now fight it.