UPDATE: Ex Boyfriend "Relationship Debt"

antonic

Do not under any circumstances delete them and when I tell you why they stopped me losing my job you will understand why ...

A few years ago a (former) female friend of mine with whom I had had a close (but non - sexual) relationship accused me of sexual harassment at work.

What saved me was the fact that I had kept MSN Messenger Logs of us talking (at home) over the internet during the period I was alleged to be harassing her - result I was cleared of all charges.

So keep the emails for evidence purposes.

Mojisola wrote: »

I wouldn't delete them - they are evidence of harassment.

poppasmurf_bewdley

Jane_Blackford wrote: »

Just one thing I would say - IF (very unlikely) he farms it out to a third party you DO NOT have to let them in to your house. You would only have to let them in if they were court appointed bailiffs.

No you wouldn't! You don't have to let any bailiff into your house unless they have previously been admitted.

Additionally, bailiffs can only be appointed by a court. Otherwise they are simply debt collectors.

Elvisia

I would sit down with HR and explain you are having issues with an ex, and that you are seeking police help with the matter. Keep it business like and just give the bones of the story, so that you have something on record to say this is a problem.
Speak to your colleague and say your ex is harassing you and the police are now involved, and if he gets any more emails to forward them to you.
Speak to the police or CAB as soon as you can tomorrow, and get this reported.
Then I would cut off contact with him, unless they suggest otherwise. You might get a free solicitor to write him a letter asking him to back off.
I am sorry you're going through this, I can fully appreciate how stressful it must be for you. But everyone on here agrees it's his problem and he's digging himself into a massive hole. Keep any correspondence with him to a minimum, and only if guided by someone from police/CAB.
It *will* get sorted out, let us know what happens.

bris

If I was you OP, I would stop paying. Do not enter into any further correspondence with him and keep his email threats as evidence, do no reply to them.
Then all you have to do is wait for the court summons to appear. This will give you your rights laid out in court. The judge will not award him anything for gifted items, nor any unfair interest charges.
He may or may not be due for your share of rent, bills etc but the court would decide that. Anything you have paid to date would be deducted from any possible award he gets, if he get awarded nothing you couud even sue him to return the money you have paid.

If he does decide to take you to court it would draw a line under it for you, what ever the outcome, it would be fair and legal and give you something to work too. Based on the evidence it would benefit you far more than him, the court would see right through him.
You just need to be strong enough to ignore him and get him out your life once and for all.

MoneyMagic01273

bris wrote: »

He may or may not be due for your share of rent, bills etc but the court would decide that. Anything you have paid to date would be deducted from any possible award he gets, if he get awarded nothing you couud even sue him to return the money you have paid.

In the original thread it explains that he apparently left her in a flat - where he was in fact actually liable to pay a share of the rent! The complete opposite of her owing him any rent money - he left her with a financial obligation that was also in his name that he was supposed to pay.

Unbelievably in the "agreement" he made her sign he had added a clause that got her to sign away his "liability" for this rent...

Thats what a sicko this guy is.

And thats why I firmly believe any judge looking at this would laugh at the sheer front of this guy. I mean come on, hounding someone to sign away all his financial obligations and in the same breath force her to agree to pay him for a bunch of fabricated, unsubstanciated "debts" he alleges she owes him?

Its gauling - and I think he would be uncerimoniously thrown out of any court in the land.

mazy_m

Hey hon I don't have much to add in ways of the legal side of things...but I just wanted to say I hope you now feel like the tables have turned... You're the one who's got one up on him now in the sense that he is harrassing you....so depending on what you decide to do about this he can get in trouble for this...also in terms of the financial situation....he's just trying his luck like the chancer he is....there is no way that email has been drafted up from anyone with knowledge of the proper legal terms as they would be able to spell and use their grammar correctly. It's actually laughable.

You need to keep calm about this...as people have said if he does take you to court (which but the sounds of a coward like him hiding behind others and this 3rd party!!) then you know you can legally sue him for the money you've paid back to him.. he's the one that didn't continue to pay the rent for the time he moved out so he should be the one worrying.

If he doesn't take you to court then as long as you don't mind not seeing that 1.5k again it's another good thing as you won't have the added stress etc from him....yet you can still get him done for harrassment.

Keep strong and remember you're the one in control of the situation now. If he were to think about this logically ( and it seems like he's so arrogant he can only imagine he's the one in the right!!)
then he would realise he doesn't have a leg to stand on and this should make you smile... : )

DUTR

MoneyMagic01273 wrote: »

In the original thread it explains that he apparently left her in a flat - where he was in fact actually liable to pay a share of the rent! The complete opposite of her owing him any rent money - he left her with a financial obligation that was also in his name that he was supposed to pay.

Unbelievably in the "agreement" he made her sign he had added a clause that got her to sign away his "liability" for this rent...

Thats what a sicko this guy is.

Sicko or not, what needs to be established is is any money owed?
£4k for items, the interest can be written off, half of 4 months rent can be deducted, half of the £4k as the items were enjoyed by both or were a gift, so that brings it down to around £2k or less, it is fair to say that if the OP has paid £1k or there abouts already then she has settled her half and should inform her ex to go whistle.

[Deleted User]

You have already paid him £1,500 surely that is more than enough??

I don't even see how you owe him money?

What the hell is ''relationship debt'' and if there was such a thing he would owe you far more in compensation for the stress and bullying

You are so better of being totally free of him as he sounds like a very ugly & messed up character so just avoid all contact , block his e-mails to PROTECT yourself from the stress as you should not have to go through all that and get on with your life with your lovely daughter and be a strong and happy role model for her and show her you do NOT have to put up with any **** from anyone , just BLOCK them as it is worthless AND NOT WORTH THE UPSET ( or at least DON'T READ them if you want to keep them 'just in case' but I doubt VERY much he will go though the hassle etc of taking you to court and would be wasting their time!!! ) and concentrate on the important things in life like loving yourself and your daughter and enjoying your relationship with her as they grow up so quick yet it is a bond you will have for life

If it helps to get it off your chest send him ONE more e-mail telling him exactly what you think of him then block all contact and hold your head high , be proud of yourself , and avoid these type of people or get rid of them ASAP in the future xx

BlushingRose

I've just read the original thread - and it says you went to the police.
How did that go?

MoneyMagic01273

DUTR wrote: »

Sicko or not, what needs to be established is is any money owed?
£4k for items, the interest can be written off, half of 4 months rent can be deducted, half of the £4k as the items were enjoyed by both or were a gift, so that brings it down to around £2k or less, it is fair to say that if the OP has paid £1k or there abouts already then she has settled her half and should inform her ex to go whistle.

I don't disagree that genuine debts she is/was lawfully responsible for should be paid. The issue I am discussing is the manner in which this guy has sought to harrass the OP into signing an unlawful agreement that charges illegal arbitrary interest - has not detailed exactly what items or purchases the alleged debts relate to (though it apparently includes gifts) and at the same time has sought to free himself of his own financial obligations.

As the breakdown of the £4k of "relationship debt" has not been established, we're not really even ready to start working backwards from this £4k figure yet, IMO.

In a non-marital relationship one cannot end the relationship and simply total up everything they believe they have spent in that time and call it a "relationship debt". Thats obsurd. Even when a marriage ends only assets at the time of the divorce are considered. Not individual spending throughout the course of the marriage.

If joint purchases have been made (from a joint account for example) then of course you can debate the topic of ownership for those items but thats about it. If you have spent money on someone or something over the course of the relationship - or made purchases in your own name, or given gifts of your own free will in that time (or even if you have incurred credit card or loan debt in your sole name) then, sorry - but those debts and that spending was yours and yours alone.

If you want someone to be jointly liable with you for your purchases or spending then you seek funding in joint names or make agreements in advance.

You don't try to wrap it all up into a nice neat forced "agreement" at the end of it all, that says they have to pay everything back to you whilst you indemnifying yourself of any monies you legitimately owe.