Sons wedding

belfastgirl23

I'd just ask what would make you most comfortable about this? This may partly depend on what the break up was like. I know something similar happened when my sis got married, divorced parents hadn't spent any time in each others company for years. My dad took my mum out for lunch beforehand just to clear the air. In the end they had quite a nice time and agreed that they had great kids. But they both now have other partners and have moved on with their lives, although the divorce really was pretty bitter at the time. It still wasn't exactly comfortable on the day and there was a bit of to-ing and fro-ing but it did mean when they were asked to be in photos etc together it was fine, though sis mostly included step parents as well which was I think sensible. So really have a think and see would you like to sit down together before hand or not?

But I would very much go the route of reassurances to your son and DIL to be that you will manage things one way or another, and stick with it no matter what.

((rescue remedy is also excellent for stressful situations )

ska_lover

After 20 years, im sure things have simmered down and won't be as bad as you think OP. You dont have to sit with him, or socialise, just be civil

thorsoak

Just think of him as someone you used to know, a long time ago. You've obviously moved on, as will he have done. Be polite, but distant - you don't have to give him the evils, nor cling to him like a damp dishcloth.

Just be yourself - as you are now! The day isn't to do with either of you in any case - it is your son and his wife's big day. Don't be part of anything to spoil it for them both.

Northern_Princess

I think I'd plaster a smile on my face if I were in your position. I haven't seen my ex husband for a number of years nor has DD but that may change in the future if she decides she wants to see her dad. The way I look at at it is as much as I dislike him he's still her dad. We loved each other once enough to make a baby. At the end of the day I do think she will always be "our baby" no matter how we feel about each other now. I'd smile and be pleasant, after all it's your son's and his new brides big day and no-one else should matter really. Weddings and funerals cause an awful lot of unnecessary upset sometimes Go, enjoy the day, smile, and watch your DS get married. Hope it all goes well

ognum

I would get his address, write a short note saying that you are looking forward to the wedding, you hope he is and how proud you both should be of your child

Also if you can add a note saying that after so many years and for the sake of your child you hope you can both enjoy the occasion and you look forward to seeing him there.

This takes the the difficult first meeting away as you will have done that in your letter

Kitten_Pie

My OH parents split 21 years ago and when we got married 3 years ago both refused to come to our wedding because they didn't want to risk running into the other. We offered as many solutions as we could with seating kept as far apart as possible.

It was very upsetting for us that they didn't attend, I remember thinking that my dad would have done anything to be there (unfortunately he died several years before) and they couldn't put things behind them for one day. We did get over it however I will never forgive them for not putting it behind them for our sons' funeral .

I may sound bitter because I am. Put things behind you don't worry about it and show your support otherwise where will it end.

My OH jokes that if something happened to him they wouldn't attend his funeral, unfortunately I think this is true.

dogcat_2

Hi,
Well just to say that two of my daughters got married last year. I have not seen my ex-husband for approx. 15 years. I too was very worried. We split on bad terms too. I asked my daughter who was getting married first...If maybe it was a good idea to go out for a meal the night before with in-laws and rest of family. She ran it past her dad (who has got re-married) and he said he wouldn't be going. We all went for a meal not knowing if he was going or not. In the end him and his wife turned up...all went very well...he was very civil..if not too familiar.......

I really wouldn't worry too much...I'm sure things will be ok. If you worry (like I did) it will spoil your day.
Hope all goes well for you.

faerie~spangles

I met my ex at my granddaughter's christening, we too split on bad terms.

He was a prat at my daughter's graduation and I knew he'd behave n a similar manner.

I was charming to him, kissed him on the cheek to greet him, included him in conversation etc. :A

Boy did he squirm, I was exhausted with the effort but it was worthwhile.

Nicki

I haven't been in this situation, but it might also be worth talking to your son and asking him what his expectations of you are on the day, and how you can manage these so that you feel comfortable with the situation. The issues which may come up are:

1. If it is a church wedding, do you both sit together in the front pew?
2. Photographs together. Are new partners included in these? Do you both have new partners
3. Seating plan at the reception. Will you both be at the top table? What about new partners if any?
4. Will there be dancing at the reception? Will you be expected to dance with him at least once?

Broadly speaking, the more flexible you can be about all of these issues, the easier it will be for you and your son, but in any case better to thrash them all out in advance and have everything agreed, rather than someone (not necessarily you!) having a hissy fit on the day and upsetting the bride and groom.

faerie~spangles

Oh, yes you must discuss with your son all the seating arrangements. That way you will be well informed and know where you are to be sitting and where your partner if you have one will be seated.

Above all enjoy yourself