Sons wedding

nicnak1

Hi all
My son is getting married in April...and I am so pleased for them. However....my son's dad will be attending, and I havn't spoken or seen his dad for 20 years. we split on bad terms and havnt spoken ever since. I am dreading the wedding because of this. I have no idea how to deal with this and am hoping to get some advice.

jenhug

be civil if you are spoken to, but you don;t have to socialise with him the entire day. goodluck

whitewing

You may find that you get on okay. You may have split on bad terms, but at some point you liked him enough to sleep with him! Chances are you and he will be so happy on your son's special day that you will both make a good effort. Make sure you look lovely so he knows what he has missed. And remember that you're 20 years older so there won't be the same urge to handle things badly!

Or you could suggest meeting up with him before the wedding if that would help.

mummyroysof3

my parents had been apart 10years when i got married and although they split on bad terms too they were able to get along..in fact both my sets of parents get along great now at family events held by me or my sister. maybe you could speak to your son about your worries?

caeler

After 20 years you can pretend you are nearly strangers and do the polite small talk! I find that even now after only 4 years with my ex and yes we did split on bad terms and I don't particularly like him but don't wish to spoil events for others.

Carl31

Surely for the sake of your son and his new wife you can be adults and civil to each other for the day. People split for whatever reasons, many people do it, but you have both moved on now for the better

People change over time, they grow up, i imagine he feels just as awkward. You only have to say hello and make a bit of small talk

pukkamum

At my wedding there was my mum, her partner, her ex-husband (my dad) and her ex-partner (my sisters dad), also my mum had left my dad for my sisters dad and her partner was an old friend whose wife my dad had had an affair with!

Needless to say i was worried but it all turned out ok in the end bar when my mum and dad had a dance together my mum's partner did not look pleased and after initial scowls acroos the dance floor after a few drinks they were all getting on, in fact my dad and mum's ex staggered home together arm in arm!

Just take it as it comes remember something good came of your relationship, your son, it's his day and if he can see mum and dad getting on it will make his day as i'm sure he is worried too.
Is there anyway you can speak to your ex before hand and break the ice before the pressure of the big day?
Perhaps send a note saying how proud you are of your son and how you are glad that you both created such a wonderful man and how you are looking forward to celebrating this with him.

RedBern

is your son worried about the day? I'd go along with the suggestion of having a meeting before the event just to break the ice - otherwise you're going to spend the next 8 weeks worrying about what's going to happen and it will ruin your enjoyment of what should be a very proud day for you all.

Why not suggest an informal chat about the day, with your son and his fiancee and his dad. Your ex may be feeling as worried as you, so get it over with.

Bluemeanie_2

I'd just act purely professionally. If you come face to face, politely say hello and just do not make conversation. Spoke when spoken too. That's how I act when I am put in a situation with someone I do not like.

fluffnutter

Putting it bluntly, there's not much you can do. You have two choices: go and support your son on his special day or don't go. I'm sure you wouldn't even consider the latter, so you need to see this as an inevitability. TBH, I suspect your ex is feeling just as uncomfortable as you are and I doubt he'll come bouncing over to indulge in a bit of banter and suggest you have a nice drink together.

I'm not sure I'd bother with a meeting beforehand. To my mind that would be just as stressful as the day itself without the advantage of lots of other people around to dissipate the tension. You have no reason to renew your relationship with your ex so why bother? It's just one day (albeit an important one) and no doubt you're both adult enough not to start shrieking at each other. Weddings tend to be fairly large affairs; can't you just avoid him? If you manage a friendly word and a smile, then great, but don't sweat it too much if that doesn't happen. Just concentrate on your son and his happiness and try to pretend your ex is just another little-known guest.

And full marks to your son for having the decency to invite both his parents, despite their obvious estrangement. This shows maturity - you've clearly done a good job bringing him up

doodoot

The only advice that I can offer is to be civil if spoken to, do not give evil stares and do NOT complain to your son about his father coming.

My OH's mum and dad came to our wedding last year, and they were divorced over 20 years ago.

My MIL is still bitter, my FIL has moved on and is now married.

MIL kicked up a fuss before the wedding and on the day asked me if FIL's wife was my mum - even though she's met my mum a few times - just because she wanted to be awkward.

Thankfully she was kept occupied on the day so that we could have a nice day...I warned her that if she started anything that I would call her a taxi.

I wouldn't suggest having a meeting beforehand, as it may cause more problems than make peace.

Just look forward to your son's wedding, enjoy getting dressed up on the day and when it comes to photo-time smile sweetly.