Stopping son from borrowing money

Infoseeking

jamespir wrote: »

you cant unfortunatley but you can make his see sense

I'm wondering how I can make him see sense?

Infoseeking

Tremour-88 wrote: »

Since when does finance, credit cards etc. effect a home or rules?

The son is an adult and treating them like a child by threatening them or talking down to them like a kid is only going to make things worse.

If he insists on doing it, let him. You have to learn from your mistakes.

Only in the stress of potentially having debt collectors come to the house and in the fact that he is becoming increasingly dependent on me financially cause of the mess he is getting into.

Infoseeking

paddyrg wrote: »

You can't stop him, but you can advise. It will be a self-limiting condition soon enough, if someone is stupid enough to lend £2000 to someone with no income, they're fools, it will end in tears, but your son's credit record will get hosed, preventing more borrowing.

But if he feels he can afford loan repayments, he can pay towards rent and housekeeping instead.

I completely agree, I have no sympathy with anyone who lends money to a 19 year. Yes his credit record is getting hosed but it seems pay day loan companies don't check this.

Tixy

Infoseeking wrote: »

Yes gambling, he realises he has a problem but still thinks it can sort out his money problems. Unfortunately he won three thousand pounds recently which he funded with a payday loan thus making him think it is ok to do it.

This is likely to make it much harder to stop him. Both the fact that its gambling and that he had that win recently.

Would he agree to get help from GA if he realises he has a problem? Can you get him to agree to self-exclude from the gambling sites he uses (if you can catch him at the right time, perhaps after a loss rather than a win).

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rdchick wrote: »

I'm sure the OP doesn't want bailiffs banging on their front door when their son can't pay back what he owes so definitely their house=their rules

I also wish I told my parents before borrowing anything, I have just 'come out' to my parents that I owe £8k they are devastated, I'm 23 but I don't live with them... Would have been a different story if I had.

Yes the son is an adult but the OP is still their parent and can and should give advice to give them the whole picture, let's face it to a 19 year old the adverts for a payday loans where they show you using the money for holidays and such likes is pretty tempting but make sure they know the full picture.

Find that thread of the kid who's parents are threatening to throw him aout because he took out a couple of payday loans...

Thanks, no I don't want anyone coming to my home trying to collect money he owes, it was bad enough when friends of his came round. It's difficult giving advice to someone who doesn't want to listen tbh. I'll look out for that thread. Thanks.

Infoseeking

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

The interest on payday loans is seriously scary. They are very much short term loans, if you don't pay them off when you are supposed to, the debt runs out of control before your eyes. Is it possible that he is trying to get a £2000 loan to pay off the payday loans?

Yes, he needs to stop borrowing money, but at this stage he probably also needs help to get on top of his current borrowing because although he may legally be an adult, he is still a vulnerable young man, with little life experience.

Is it possible to sit down with him and find out exactly what he owes and work out a way to sort this mess out before it overwhelms him? For example, is it possible for you to repay the payday loan and for him to repay you? It would stop the interest running and help him to get control of things. I would only suggest this, though, if this is the first time this has happened and there is no previous history of bailing him out. And of course if your situation is such that you can afford to take the risk that he may not pay you back. Only you know if this is a serious risk and if you are willing/able to take the risk.

Alternatively help him to make an appointment at the CAB and get some independent advice for him.

Thank you, I agree he is a vulnerable young man. I think he was borrowing it to pay off loans. Unfortunately this is not the first time, he has been bailed out before so I don't feel it would be right to do this again. We have sought advice from national debtline but there is an issue here with him not taking responsibility for himself ie he will let me do everything but this doesn't help him in the long run. Thanks again.

Infoseeking

WhiteHorse wrote: »

Simple. He lives in your house.

He will default and then you will be plunged into a nightmare of visits from bailiffs and DCA goons.

If he wants to destroy himself, fine. But he has no right to involve you. Inform him that if he intends to go ahead, you will throw him out.

This is reasonably but it would be difficult to throw him out, he would have nowhere to go, I'm not sure I could follow that through although I agree with the principle.

Infoseeking

Tixy wrote: »

This is likely to make it much harder to stop him. Both the fact that its gambling and that he had that win recently.

Would he agree to get help from GA if he realises he has a problem? Can you get him to agree to self-exclude from the gambling sites he uses (if you can catch him at the right time, perhaps after a loss rather than a win).

Thanks. He said before that he would but then doesn't go through with it even though he was told he could have one to one counselling. I contacted gamcare and they said people his age don't think gambling is a problem, they just think not having enough money to do is the problem. He does say that he has banned himself from the casino he recently won at but whether that's true I don't know, he has told me he has before but that hasn't stopped him. I think the problem starts with these kids when they go at 16/17 and the casino gives them free drinks etc and turns a blind eye to the fact that they are underage. Thanks for your suggestions.