DFW but my house is a bloody mess and getting me down :-(

phizzimum

to echo other people, you can and will get things straight if you take it one step at a time. Just set a timer for 10 mins and sort through some of the paperwork, after a few goes you will see the difference and this will give you the encouragement you need.

the flylady thread on the Old Style Board is very supportive too, and the original US flylady site can give you some inspiration too.

I managed to make a very simple blind out of a duvet cover (and I'm no good at sewing, so believe me it was v simple!). I used iron on bonding tape for the edges, a bamboo cane to weigh it down and ribbons to tie it up in the morning. then i fixed above the window with self adhesive velcro tape. I found a tutorial online that told me how to make it - can't remember the site, but I googled "make simple no sew blind". It took about an hour, so maybe a project for when you're on maternity leave?

As others have said, keep you little one with you while you clean. That's what I always did - I only used homemade cleaning spray (vinegar and washing up liquid) so that I didn't have to worry about the girls putting their fingers in their mouths. It pays dividends, now they are older they are very helpful around the house!

Don't give up, you're tired and hormonal and have every right to feel fed up, but you can do this!

phizzimum

another flylady idea - do the 37 fling boogie...(think it's 37, could be wrong!) Put some music on, grab a bin liner/carrier bag and dance around the house and find 37 things to throw away. doesn't matter if it's just little things like a bit of paper dropped on the floor. again, get your daughter involved. little things like this have made a difference to me. then reward yourself with a cuppa and a cuddle with your daughter.

monnagran

Most of us have been there sweetie, you're not alone.
You've had loads of good ideas but I'm a born bossy-boots and can't resist putting my 5 pennoth in.

Cushions. Had a friend who use to keep spare towels, bundled up out of season clothes even the baby's spare nappies in cushion covers when things were horribly tough.

Storage. I can't advise boxes and bags strongly enough. Collect boxes, shoe boxes are good and shoe shops will often give you a few. Get a roll of cheap plain wallpaper and cover boxes. You don't have to do them all at once, just as and when. Then gradually transfer all the stuff from shelves and display unit into the boxes, sorting and chucking as you go. Put filled boxes back on shelves etc everything will look better and tidier. Box CDs up and hide.

Fish tank OUT. You need your kitchen table and sacrifices have to be made - and not just by you.

Lino. Is it possible to paint it? short term answer but will look better.

Dishes and washing up. Flylady has the answer - a sink full of hot soapy water and a kitchen timer.

Oven door. Could your OH take the door off and clean it one weekend?

Hallway. Again, if the carpet is ghastly why not take it up and if possible paint the floorboards. My DS and his GF have done this as they have kids and dogs and it looks quite OK.

Sister's baby things, Box them up. Is there no-one else who could get them to your sister? Does she have an OH who could fetch them perhaps? It seems to me that an awful lot of things could be tackled by someone else and you are trying to do it all.

A VACUUM CLEANER IS A PRIORITY. Get one as soon as funds allow.

Finally - TOMORROW get yourself a small bunch of flowers. Put it in a vase (jamjar?) and put it on a shelf - out of LOs reach. Clean and tidy the patch round the flowers. It will lift your spirits and you need that more than anything.
I long to rush over and give you a hand.
I'll shut up now.

Ada_Doom

Ahh, your post really struck a cord with me. I was alwwys feeling down about my tiny tatty house after my first baby was born, but felt unable to do anything about it. Looking back, that was a symptom of my PND. I have learnt to let go of alot of my paranioa that everyone has a better home than me. You have such a lot on your plate, no wonder you feel stressed. It is bloomin hard work when the kids are tiny, and you work. People on here have made brilliant suggestions for cheering your house up on the cheap (I am a fan of a huge colourful throw bunged over a tatty sofa), and it is worth tryng some of them out. Just making a tiny positive change can really boost your mood.

We probably all have lists of things that need doing (my house has no central heating, and a mouldy avocado bathroom!) I find lighting some candles of an evening makes my house look dead cosy and makes it harder to see the grime. Good luck OP, and if you live in Hamphire give me a PM, I have a lovely travel cot you would be very welcome to. Ada.

laurel7172

(Another hello from the Messy thread :j)

So...in a nutshell, you've no money, no time and no prospect of either in the near future. That's hard, but the trick is to change your focus to what you have achieved, rather than what you haven't. I mean, seriously-you've washed the covers and hosed down the manky high chair. So however it looks, it's clean. You've done one room. You're working. You're bringing up an adorable little girl. And you've achieved all that with a fishtank on your table :eek:)

I'm a great believer in doing first what only needs doing once. You should be able to get a tube of filler and a matchpot for your daughter's room for a couple of quid. Then you'll have one perfect room again.

Re the lino. If it's a tile pattern, or similar, is there a place (under the fridge, perhaps) where you could cut out a piece to replace the stained area? With the right pattern it would be practically invisible.

The oven-how much food do you have in your storecupboard/freezer and how much do you spend on food per month? The ladies on here are utter geniuses at emergency meal plans. If you cut your food budget to the bone with their help, I bet you could buy a s/h oven within weeks.

But I have to ask-where is your OH in this? Why isn't he supporting you and doing his share? Men also get depressed by money worries, but this is something you need to tackle together. You sound more than alone xx. Have you talked to each other about this?

Mortmain_Dreamer

You are not alone! The advice you have had has been amazing, and I'm rubbish at housework so I won't try to add to that. But I will say beware of comparing yourself to others, it demolishes the soul. My kids are 2 and 5, and are a pair of Tasmanian devils. Reading through your list honestly made me laugh as it is almost identical to my own! For everything that makes you unhappy, try and find something that makes you happy e.g. my daughter drew all over my walls last week in purple marker but then told her first joke which made me laugh. Look for the good in life. And be kind to yourself, your house doesn't have to be a palace, your kid and bump are your priorities now. Let your home evolve as Raven said, and one day everything inside it will hold a happy memory for you. I'm learning to let go of perfection, and I'm so much happier now.

I wish you all the best x

raven83

phizzimum wrote: »

another flylady idea - do the 37 fling boogie...(think it's 37, could be wrong!) Put some music on, grab a bin liner/carrier bag and dance around the house and find 37 things to throw away. doesn't matter if it's just little things like a bit of paper dropped on the floor. again, get your daughter involved. little things like this have made a difference to me. then reward yourself with a cuppa and a cuddle with your daughter.

wow that sounds like a fab idea, but can i ask why 37 things?:o:)

Katgoddess

Do you know about your local netmums board? You can buy and sell secondhand toys, equipment and furniture from their nearly new board, like highchairs, fish tanks and travel cots, and there is a free section too. There is also a meet a mum bit. You can find out about nearly new sales going on in your area and free activities.

Lots of good advice, just try do things step by step. Keep talking to us.

soon2bjobless

Hi - some great advice here - my tuppenceworth is just concentrate on one wee bit at a time - when you even have one finished job off your to-do-list no matter how small it really gives you a sense of acheivement and can spur you on to do the next. Even if its just sorting out 1 drawer a day.....

Again, because we dont know what area you are in there may be other agencys that can help you out - have you tried chatting to your health visitor? When I lived in Newcastle we got free furniture with the help of mine (mind you that was a long long time ago!) the wardrobes we got were awful looking but at least they had doors and kept our clothes out of sight!

Also do you have Homestart in your area? The volunteers are great for support and its lovely to have someone to chat to (I was a Homestart volunteer)

Dont let it get you down - nobodys house is perfect....

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Honestly?


Just start binning ****. Grab a bag and as soon as you see something you wouldn't race back into a burning building for, chuck it in the bin bag and get the heap of crap out of your face.

If a top is still stained on the second go, bin it. Don't keep it for a rag, just get it the **** out of there.

Do the same with the stuff in the chest of drawers and before you go any further, you get that heap of junk out the front door. Moreover, if you can't fit clothes in the wardrobe, you have too many clothes. Especially as half of them are strewn across the kitchen floor.

Tell your OH to shift that fishtank or you will put a saucepan through it. NOW.


If your place is that bad, nobody will notice the sofa is beggared, they're thinking 'how can they live with so much stuff?'

Never mind the bathroom. Why fanny around with scented candles and blinds when you can't see the kitchen floor?


On that subject, why are you picking stuff up, cleaning and then dumping it back down again? Pick it up and get it sorted.




As far as the Lo is concerned, you don't need a playpen. Put her in bed, shut the door and if she wakes up, she'll survive for ten minutes in there. There is also a magic word when cleaning - NO. Or give her some wooden spoons and some pans to mess around with. If you can do anything in the kitchen as she sleeps, why hasn't the washing been done? Do you have the world's largest hob? If not, you only need a maximum of 3 saucepans and a frying pan. Get rid of the rest. Less to wash up.


You're distracting, trying to deflect attention away by focusing on how the LO is being a LO (let her chuck bath toys around whilst you clean the sink and toilet or give her a dry cloth and let her copy you - just pick the cleaning fluid bottle up and put it on the sink so she can't reach it), how the OH's CDs are in your way (at least they're in the unit and not on the floor), how you don't like the curtains and you want blinds and new stuff. I promise you, if you had 100% new stuff now [waves wand] it would still look like someone chucked a grenade into a charity shop.



You need to start unloading the rubbish - once there's a new baby, your house will become unhygienic otherwise.


Once you find the flat under the junk, then there is a point in looking to freecycle a sofa or chest of drawers.


I am not criticising you at all - I'm being to the point. Chuck stuff out - you don't need it.


ETA: Mind you, if you live within driving distance of South London, I've got a chest of drawers you can have for nothing.