DFW but my house is a bloody mess and getting me down :-(

mmummy21

We are on the slow but steady journey to becoming debt free.

We are still learning to live within our means and as yet we aren't getting the hang of sticking to the budget for groceries etc. meaning we never have any "surplus" or any of the money which is meant for household repairs, clothing etc. I used to be a very clean and clutter free person but I had awful depression after the birth of my daughter and then I went back to work and have never gotten back on top of it

I work 3 full days a week (out from 7am til after 6pm) and then have toddler to sort, tea etc. and I am also almost 5 months pregnant.

I have a HUGE list of stuff about my house that depresses me every single day. Most things are needing money to sort them out and the other things I can't find the motivation/time to do because I end up thinking "what's the point, we'll still have the scabby old furniture etc. anyway" Sometimes it seems like a choice betweening ignoring the issues and being unhappy and frustrated about them or increasing debt to make them go away.

Just from a quick look around we have -

Living room
Sofas have holes and stains in them which just won't shift. The cushions are absolutely flattened and awful

We have curtains but no blinds which I hate

Our shelfs/display unit are falling apart - bursting at the seams with unsorted paperwork, clutter and junk on the shelfs and a ridiculous collection of OHs CDs which he refuses to get rid of Would you just sell these without his permission if he never listens to or looks at? Barely any of them are even in the right cases. He'll get over it eventually right?

Our rug has a stain on it which again I have tried every product on the market for - only solution is a new rug


Kitchen -

The oven is broken so I only have the tiny little grill part and have to use the slow cooker (which I don't have time for most mornings)

My daughters highchair is grubby and way past it's best, we were given it second hand. The covers have even been through the washing machine and frame even hosed down but it's disgusting. Only solution is a new highchair.

My OH has a huge empty fish tank sitting on my kitchen table (bigger than the kitchen table actually) we don't have the money to buy any fish or equipment for it. I am thinking of putting my foot down and telling him to swap it for a small one that can fit in our living room. But I don't know if that's unreasonable as it's always been his little dream hobby

Kitchen -

The lino is marked/stained and won't scrub off

I can never seem to get on top of the dishes and the washing pile is breeding and growing. I use cloth nappies but I'm not sure how much longer I can keep the washing pile under control. It now covers the fish tank, the tumble dryer, the kitchen unit and the floors. I do manage to disinfect/clean it everyday so it's not as bad as it sounds - it's hygienic (no food etc. around) but just messy!

There is clutter in all the cupboards and on top of them, pots, pans, plates, cutlery etc. are all a mess and muddled

I haven't properly cleaned the oven or fridge since we moved in here a year ago. The oven glass even has grease marks on it but I need to get a screwdriver to get into it. The food cupboards need everything taken out, scrubbed and put back in tidily

We have no blind up in the kitchen as we couldn't afford one when we moved in and then never got round to it

Hallway - isn't decorated. Currently it has luminous yellow skirting boards and no wallpaper.

Hallway has an old cut off freyed carpet with a huge join in the middle as we couldn't afford to carpet it.

Bathroom - isn't decorated, has no blind up again (frosted window). we have no nice accessories etc. to make it welcoming, clean and homely looking. It also needs a good clean (again it's hygienic, I'm not a pig - the toilet, sink and bath are bleached and rinsed every now and then haha)

Bedroom - curtains but no blind, outside light disturbs my sleep every night! No matching bedsheets to the decoration. No furniture - we have a walk in wardrobe which isn't big enough for two of us, an old nursery wardrobe which has no fronts to the drawers left and is marked and bashed. It needs the bin. Everything else has no place so is under the bed in boxes etc. Clothes barely put away as there is nowhere for them!

Daughter's room - perfect, the only one I had the motivation to finish :-) the curtain finials have fallen off though and the wall needs plaster where they were up and they need replaced.

Cupboards are full of junk. Baby things that my sister needs back (she's due before me) but won't fit in my car! And other junk of my OH's.

I don't have a babysitter EVER as my Mum works full-time hours around mine and looks after my LO from Weds-Fri while I work. I don't have anyone else. I will start maternity leave beginning June and LO will still go to Mums one day a week which should give me time to get things done.

LO does nap from 1-3pm ish everyday so I should get things done then but we are in a small flat and she is such a light sleeper she wakes screaming if I try to do anything (I can't even clean the bathroom across from her room while she's sleeping). I can do anything in the kitchen though and most things in the living room while she's sleeping. No emptying drawers/cupboards etc. though as that wakes her!

It's impossible to do anything while she's awake as she is "into everything" and destroys the place. If I popped to clean the bathroom and left her in the living room for 10mins it literally looks like a bomb has gone off or we've been burgled when I get back. She's 15months so in time will learn not to empty the shelfs/cupboards/drawers etc. but until then I'm stuck! I can't take her with me as she wants to "help" and climbs over me, puts the cleaning stuff in her mouth, undoes things as I sort them!

What I really need is a travel cot/playpen I can leave her in the living room but I can't afford one! I've asked around and put notices up for a free or cheap one and online but so far have nothing!

My OH comes home and will do hoovering, dishes etc. but once our little one is in bed at 6.30pm ish but again we can't do anything while she is asleep. Plus just keeping on top of the normal stuff - dishes, hoovering, washing, cooking etc. seems to take all of our time up!

Oh, and as of this morning my hoover is knackered. We have replaced a couple of parts and parts of it are now held together with cable ties courtesy of my OH, it's now completely not picking up - OH can probably do something to it tonight but it really is on it's last legs.

HELP me where do I start? I can't live like this anymore :-(

sillyinthepast

Firstly sit down and take a few breaths.

Personally myself this is what I would do

- look on freecycle for some furniture if the stufyfyou have you really hate

- do one cupboard a day - make your self do it and depending on how big the kitchen is you could have it done within a week

- get a spray bottle and fill with water and an old rag for yor little one. It will do her no harm to follow you around cleaning

- talk to your partner and tell him how you feel about the cds and fishtank.

could you make some blinds yourself?

I wouldn't worry that your home doesn't look like it's from a magazine. I can remeber when we moved into our first home - we had nothing. I was so jealous of everyone elses houses looking all perfect and co ordinating - we just didn't have the money. Over time it built up and 10 years on I love my home - yes there is dozens of things I would change but it's home and a home is what you make it.

Sending you lots of hugs as you sound very down. I hope you fel better about it soon x x

ubamother

Hi - firstly, do not feel in anyway that you are alone. Many people can look around their houses and make huge lists of what needs to be done, what they don't like etc. etc.

There are lots of lovely people on the flylady and other threads to help when you are ready.

My advice would be:
1. Don't look back to a pre-children/work/depression/younger time - it doesn't help - at all. You are where and who you are now - you can never be in the situation you were in x years ago, so look forwards.
2. Make one tiny change today and celebrate it. Personally I would choose something that makes a really visual change - getting some throws (charity shop maybe), or even some spare quilt/quilt covers to shove over your sofas.
3. Take digital pictures - this really motivates me - I take a picture of one particular area I'm unhappy with, whether it's mess or bad use of space (it's usually both!). I then clear only the bit I can see on the camera/phone screen and then take a photo of the newly cleaned/sorted/covered area from exactly the same point. These little before and after photos really show the difference a small job can make. Makes you feel much more positive and that you've actually achieved something.
4. Most important - can you talk to OH about how you feel without him feeling it's his fault, or that you're trying a roundabout way of nagging? Some emotional support may help.
5. I'm not qualified in the slightest to make any reference to your post-natal depression, so won't except to say that you know yourself, and if you feel your current feelings about your house and situation are really emotional issues more than practical frustrations, perhaps a trip to the docs might help?

I know you'll get lots of lovely support and practical advice from others on this forum. Good luck.

budgetboo

Clutter - 1 bin bag a day OUT of the house every other day you can manage it. On alternate days - laundry.

Fish tank - sell the darn thing!

Sofa covers - cheap fleece fabric, old white sheets (charity shops) as throws so at leat you can't see the marks lol!

Shelving clutter etc do just ONE shelf at a time.

I took months/years to get to this state so don' expect overnight success. Flylady level 1 for 1/2 an hour a day. Give the other half the list on the days you feel to knackered from being preggers - he should be able to manage 30 mins a day to help maintan hs own home no matter how hard he works.

I find getting up 15 mins before my son makes all the difference in the world - I set a kitchen timer for 10 mins and just go round collecting up the crud. It was a lifesaver when I was working as my lad's autism makes him very demanding on my attention. He's up at 6 like clockwork & doesn't sleep through so I couldn't manage to get up earlier and found in the evenings by the time I'd washed up the dinner plates I was often too knackered to do more than a cursory tidy up. That 15 minutes in the morning made ALL the difference.

When you DO have the money asda does a £25 travel cot. http://direct.asda.com/Red-Kite-Sleeptight-Travel-Cot---Black/002641074,default,pd.html It's basic but does the job. My son had one 7 years ago and it's in use for my niece now so fairly sturdy if you look after it.

Cat501

Oh you poor thing love Have a hug! You've a lot to cope with! I know it's dispiriting but sometimes I think it's best to accept that while kids are young, there ain't a lot of point in spending money on nice stuff! Have you tried charity shops for a playpen? I don't know what I'd have done without mine. Ask around a few, and even leave them your number so they could contact you if they get one in?

I'd say you can't sell OH's cds Though I can imagine how ****** frustrating it is!

You'll get there I'm sure loads of people will be along with a lot more advice than I can give you, but please come and join us on the "My Home is a Mess" thread xx

happy35

i have been there myself, it was a long time ago now but reading your post has brought memories flooding back

I think I would get some boxes from a shop and box everything that you dont need, seal the boxes so that your daughter cant empty them out. Once you dont have the clutter it will be much easier to keep tidy, I still keep my house clean with the if you dont need it bin it routine as I just cant stand the mess mentally

If you rope in your OH you will find that it wont take that long but you do need to be brutal along the way and get rid of the crap

Once your house is tidy then cleaning becomes quick,I can keep mine decent in about 30 or 45 minutes a day with a decent clean taking about 3 hours on a weekend, washer on while I am doing this and pegging out as I go. I also do one load of washing every night when tea is cookingand dry it on the airer overnight during the week

i know that you would like nice furniture etc but this will take time, try and save a few pounds every week and in a few months time you may be able to buy some decent second hand stuff, also make family and friends know you want new furniture that way if anyone is giving it away they can say they know someone who is interested

CH27

Tackle one issue at a time ie get on top & keep on top of the washing.
Then start on the next job.

Looking at it all at once disheartnens you.

quintwins

just a few small low cost suggestions

mmummy21 wrote: »

Living room
Sofas have holes and stains in them which just won't shift. The cushions are absolutely flattened and awful
throws could fixx this ikea do cheap ones at £3 2 would cover a 3 seater sofa, or you could check the charity shop for cheap fabric

We have curtains but no blinds which I hate
net curtails are very cheap maybe not as nice looking but will give you more privacy and keep heat in

Our shelfs/display unit are falling apart - bursting at the seams with unsorted paperwork, clutter and junk on the shelfs and a ridiculous collection of OHs CDs which he refuses to get rid of Would you just sell these without his permission if he never listens to or looks at? Barely any of them are even in the right cases. He'll get over it eventually right?
personally i wouldn't sell them i'd box them up stick them in teh attic, if he doesn't ask about them/need them in 6 months point out what you did and ask him to sell them

Our rug has a stain on it which again I have tried every product on the market for - only solution is a new rug
argos do cheap rugs from about £12 keep and eye on offers, or look for carpet cut offs you can then trim them (my mums doing this with a spare bit to put infront of her fire incase it gets singed)

Kitchen -

The oven is broken so I only have the tiny little grill part and have to use the slow cooker (which I don't have time for most mornings)
keep and eye on freecycle thats where my oven came from as the door didn't close on my old one, you can prep everything for your slow cooker the nights before, i also freeze chopped meat/veg and just throw everything in frozen

My daughters highchair is grubby and way past it's best, we were given it second hand. The covers have even been through the washing machine and frame even hosed down but it's disgusting. Only solution is a new highchair.

how often is she with you? kids grow oiut of highchairs quick enough a cheap seat to attact to a chair could last longer and be cheaper, again look on freecycle

My OH has a huge empty fish tank sitting on my kitchen table (bigger than the kitchen table actually) we don't have the money to buy any fish or equipment for it. I am thinking of putting my foot down and telling him to swap it for a small one that can fit in our living room. But I don't know if that's unreasonable as it's always been his little dream hobby

i would put my fot down aswell, or at the very least get him to put it in the garage/out of teh way somewhere

Kitchen -

The lino is marked/stained and won't scrub off
can'ts suggest much here except again keep an eye on freecycle

I can never seem to get on top of the dishes and the washing pile is breeding and growing. I use cloth nappies but I'm not sure how much longer I can keep the washing pile under control. It now covers the fish tank, the tumble dryer, the kitchen unit and the floors. I do manage to disinfect/clean it everyday so it's not as bad as it sounds - it's hygienic (no food etc. around) but just messy!

once you firgure this out please let me know the secret, i havent been on top of my kicthen/washing/ironing for years lol

There is clutter in all the cupboards and on top of them, pots, pans, plates, cutlery etc. are all a mess and muddled
if you have limited space invest in hocks and magnetic rails (again cheap in ikea/ebay) and hang pans ect up out of the way

I haven't properly cleaned the oven or fridge since we moved in here a year ago. The oven glass even has grease marks on it but I need to get a screwdriver to get into it. The food cupboards need everything taken out, scrubbed and put back in tidily

i've unscrewed my oven myself it's a pain but worth it if it gets rid of the niggle, do the fridge slowly one shelf aday so it doesn't seem like a huge job, if you can move you cupboard to a different one, that way your putting it away as you take it out and it will seem like less of a job

We have no blind up in the kitchen as we couldn't afford one when we moved in and then never got round to it
unless your cooking naked this isn't really a must :rotfl:if it makes you feel better you could get a net like i suggested before

Hallway - isn't decorated. Currently it has luminous yellow skirting boards and no wallpaper.
so on the scrounge for lo paint and keep an eye on bargian bins in the likes of b&q or local shops for wallpaper just make sure it's all the same batch number or the colours could be different

Hallway has an old cut off freyed carpet with a huge join in the middle as we couldn't afford to carpet it.
this is an expensive one other than a cheapy runner theres not much i can suggest

Bathroom - isn't decorated, has no blind up again (frosted window). we have no nice accessories etc. to make it welcoming, clean and homely looking. It also needs a good clean (again it's hygienic, I'm not a pig - the toilet, sink and bath are bleached and rinsed every now and then haha)
again scrounge for paint, argos do accessory sets, but you could get away with a fancy glass for tooth brushes a pretty soap dispenser and a few matching towels

Bedroom - curtains but no blind, outside light disturbs my sleep every night! No matching bedsheets to the decoration. No furniture - we have a walk in wardrobe which isn't big enough for two of us, an old nursery wardrobe which has no fronts to the drawers left and is marked and bashed. It needs the bin. Everything else has no place so is under the bed in boxes etc. Clothes barely put away as there is nowhere for them!
hmmm cheapy canvas wardrobe? aslong as it's tidy i couldn't worry, you could try a bean curtain on your wardrobe but tbh if it was me it would drive me mental, same again with nets

Daughter's room - perfect, the only one I had the motivation to finish :-) the curtain finials have fallen off though and the wall needs plaster where they were up and they need replaced.
just use cheap poly fill and paint over it, ok teh finish won't be perfect but no-one will be checking

Cupboards are full of junk. Baby things that my sister needs back (she's due before me) but won't fit in my car! And other junk of my OH's.

I don't have a babysitter EVER as my Mum works full-time hours around mine and looks after my LO from Weds-Fri while I work. I don't have anyone else. I will start maternity leave beginning June and LO will still go to Mums one day a week which should give me time to get things done.

LO does nap from 1-3pm ish everyday so I should get things done then but we are in a small flat and she is such a light sleeper she wakes screaming if I try to do anything (I can't even clean the bathroom across from her room while she's sleeping). I can do anything in the kitchen though and most things in the living room while she's sleeping. No emptying drawers/cupboards etc. though as that wakes her!

It's impossible to do anything while she's awake as she is "into everything" and destroys the place. If I popped to clean the bathroom and left her in the living room for 10mins it literally looks like a bomb has gone off or we've been burgled when I get back. She's 15months so in time will learn not to empty the shelfs/cupboards/drawers etc. but until then I'm stuck! I can't take her with me as she wants to "help" and climbs over me, puts the cleaning stuff in her mouth, undoes things as I sort them!

What I really need is a travel cot/playpen I can leave her in the living room but I can't afford one! I've asked around and put notices up for a free or cheap one and online but so far have nothing!

My OH comes home and will do hoovering, dishes etc. but once our little one is in bed at 6.30pm ish but again we can't do anything while she is asleep. Plus just keeping on top of the normal stuff - dishes, hoovering, washing, cooking etc. seems to take all of our time up!

Oh, and as of this morning my hoover is knackered. We have replaced a couple of parts and parts of it are now held together with cable ties courtesy of my OH, it's now completely not picking up - OH can probably do something to it tonight but it really is on it's last legs.

HELP me where do I start? I can't live like this anymore :-(

tootoo

hello,
I read on here all the time, but don't really post much, however, I thought I should today.

Firstly, don't be so hard on yourself. I'm pregnant with my second (due any day!) and have a toddler. Pregnancy is exhausting anyway and with a toddler too, you need to be nicer to yourself!

As someone has already said, you'll never have a 'tidy' house when you have children! We have (had) a lovely sideboard, it now has teeth marks in...! It's not that noticeable, but normally we would have replaced it, however with another teether expected soon, we thought we would wait until both are old enough to know that furniture is not for chewing....!!

At one point I felt I had so much to do to our house (well wanted to do) before baby arrived, but just didn't have the time with work, toddler and hubby working v long hours. I wrote a list, prioritised (and also listed the things that physically I can't really do, lifting heavy things, climbing up ladders painting etc). I took things one step at a time, only did what I could and ticked the list as I went (which I find very satisfying as I like lists!!).

I think once you start, you'll get on a roll. I like the saying you can do anything in 15 minutes - its true, 15 minutes a day on one of the jobs and you'll soon notice a huge difference.

Freecycle is supposed to be a great way to pick up unwanted items.
we've just given away quite a few bits to a furniture charity in our declutter, they then sell them very cheaply to the public or give them free to those who are in need and don't have any money - do you have anything like this local to you?

A think you should give yourself some praise, most people would be continuing to spend to do what is needed, but you've obviously had your light bulb moment and haven't come unstuck so you should be very proud of yourself! Sorry for the ramble!

raven83

God i love threads like this in a way, its just movtivated me to get off my butt and go clean a section of my kitchen that i have been putting off for ages, will do the other section tomorrow or maybe even tonight depending on how motivated i am feeling


OP, i have lived in my house now for 2 and a half years and when i first moved in here although it wasnt that bad it was bad enough and there was so many things i wanted to get for it and wanted to do but i simply didn't have the funds to do it, and when i used to go round my friends houses i would actually feel envious at all their perfect matching decor and asscessories. Fast forward to now and i can honestly say i love my house!!!! Its been a slow process but you know something? Beacuse i not rushed in decorating it straight away and have taken my time in deciding what i want exactly it is turning out to looking super duper ( probably better now than them houses i used to envy over ) We have just done bits over a period of time and if i have wanted something in paticular i have saved for it, just in the process of finishing off my landing and hall way with new stair bannisters and new flooring and the next thing on the list is the kitchen, have left it till last as it is the biggest and going to cost probably that most to revamp it, but its been well worth the wait.

I guess what i am trying to say OP that if you do a little it all adds up start by trying to save for the little things that you want to change and have a look on freecycle or even facebook have a local recycling group in your area some people give away some really good stuff, or even the local sales on facebook or ebay, start on the little things and work up. In the mean time i would get some boxes and throw away all of your old clutter ( i had to winge at OH to put his CDs in the loft as he never listens to them took some nagging on my half!) And sort through your clutter, either bin it, sell it, or store it.

I know its easy to say to try and look at the bigger picture as it seems so far away but i have been there myself and had to put up with a broken sofa and no wardrobes and a really old crappy cooker, but in time they have all be replaced and i am proud of how nice my home is now, try and stay positive, at then end of the day, its only material things as long as you got your family and are warm and well fed then thats all that really matters xx

lolly_896

Have a look on the Shabby Chic thread, you would be suprised at what you can do with little money.

Has anyone in your family decorated recently? Ask for left over paint and things? Curtains all i can say is charity shops - I have huge thermal lined (90x90) curtains super thick and trendy and they cost £7.50 - Or do you have old white sheets - Dye them and sew the tops (you can buy the curtain stuff cheaply on ebay or just fold over stich and shove the pole through.

Does anything keep your lo entertained for an hour - it's suprising what you can acheive in an hour even 15 mins!

I feel down about our home now and again but then with a bit of thriftyness it will come together!