i got a valentines card............from my ex husband!!!!!

zoesmummy_2006

just been for a walk into town with the kids, got back and there was a card from funky pigeon on the floor. my heart sank straight away cos theres no-one in my life that would send me a card, other than my ex unfortunately.

hes been telling some friends i know that he still loves me apparently-this is despite him walking out on me and the kids 2.5 years ago for someone else, him splitting with her and rushing straight into another relationship. Hes still with his girlfriend, and they had a baby last year. I filed for divorce and that was finalised last october, I thought we were all moving on now, Im looking at dating and getting back out there and he goes and does something like this!!!!!

I just dont know what to do, im made it perfectly clear when i filed for divorce that there was no going back and that i would never ever trust him again, and that my feeling for him had changed irrevocably after everything he put me through. And I thought we were at a place where we were getting along for the sake of the kids, Ive given him no reason whatsoever to think theres even the slightest chance of reconcilliation.

Hes taken to texting me constantly when he has the kids at a weekend to let me know what theyre doing and saying stuff like they love and miss me, and cant wait to see me, and then when he drops them back he asks our son to "look after mummy for me" which as far as im concerned is manipulative and totally unfair and ive told him to stop it and that i dont need looking after at all. But he doesnt seem to listen.

Sorry, i just needed to get it all off my chest, i was angry and hurt and now im just feeling down. His parents are coming to take the kids this avo and now im panicking that he might try and call round or something-im gonna head out just in case lol!!!

downsizer3

Sounds like you need to have it out with him.
Wonder what would happen if you got a boyfriend ( assuming you don't already) - would he get the message then? Seems extreme I know!

universalady_2

What does his girlfriend make of this, does she know?

zoesmummy_2006

i dont have a boyfriend-yet lol. Im finally at the stage where ive dealt with all the issues surrounding the split and everything thats happened after it. So im finally ready to start dating and hopefully meeting someone nice. I know he'll hate it when i do, but theres nothing he can do, other than be awkward over having the kids etc-which wouldnt bother me in the slightest

Im assuming his girlfriends doesnt know. I hated her when he first got with her cos she moved into our house while all my clothes/underwear and personal belongings were still there while I sorted somewhere closer to my friends and family for me and the kids. Now I just feel sorry for her, he's gonna do to her what he did to me and the kids.

thegirlintheattic

I would ignore it tbh. Any reaction from you gives him the attention he so obviously craves.

Hopefully the gf will come to her senses soon enough; a leopard never changes it's spots.

RandomDan

Bin the card. Don't reply to his texts. Be civil when he drops the kids off, no more. If he drops by unannounced say it is a bad time and you are going out / about to have a bath and if there is something urgent he needs to discuss it can be done over the phone next time without a wasted visit.

krlyr

If he's signed the card (or if his handwriting is easy enough to recognise), I'd be tempted to pop it back through his mailbox when you know he's out and she's home with "No thanks!" scrawled on it, so she can get a glimpse of what he's like!

zoesmummy_2006

thats the thing, hes been really cunning about it, cos its from an online site its printed onto the card, just says I love you, always have always will (thats not what he was saying when he was telling me to basically F off and leave him alone to get on with his life!!!!) and its signed Love Me, which is what he always put on cards in the past-but he knows cant incriminate him. I cant pop it through his letterbox easily, they live a couple towns away thankfully. Its already in the bin, felt awful putting tatty ted in there, but as much as I love them, the card means nothing but upset to me.

londonsurrey

Read the description you've written of his behaviour, and recognise him for the pathetic shameless chancer he is. Any power he has is what you grant him. I know it's difficult, as he's pushing some buttons.

If tatty ted's brothers and cousins ever appear, one other solution is to simply pop them into say, a charity shop, or the school tombola. Just a thought.

And as for "Look after mummy for me", tell you son to reply with, "But Daddy, she's looked after herself and all of us perfectly well since you left, don't you remember?". This way, your child doesn't have to worry about mummy "having to be looked after". The dig at daddy will go over a child's head.

elantan

he's playing mind games with you ... trying to control you ... dont let him win

downsizer3

Yes - I'd agree that its a control thing primarily - if it upsets you - he can still affect you.
First up - I'd bin it, ignore all advances and 'chat' - quick handover of kids, brisk messages re kids arrangements - and just blank all the rest ( hard I know).
Then get looking for a new man - then he'll see how past caring you are!!
What a jerk.