Planning without mother

Afitos

Didn't want to read and run...... Feel so much for you. Have to say I agree with other posts. Invite your siblings they have done nothing. If they don't come, you at least know that you invited them and they know you wanted them there.

I planned my Wedding alone, I stopped seeing my Mum when I was younger and my Aunt who was like my Mum isn't here anymore. It is the saddest thing I did because I know my Aunt would of loved it.

It is hard but like somone else has said, if you don't move on your day will be spoilt.

Good Luck

littlemisspink

Same situation here as well. I havent spoken to my mother since I was 16, and my dad since I was 12 (although spoke for a while at 18 but nothing since, and am now 29) So I also am planning without my mum (or dad) Wedding dress shopping is the hardest. Even though I havent had any involvement with either throughout my whole adult life, its still a moment you think you would share with your mum. My MIL2B was with me, and my best friend, but its not the same. So if you have not already been dress shopping, be prepared as it is hard. I also have no-one to walk me down the aisle, but am going to walk down with my 3 year old son. Try to think of all the positive sides hun, and it is hard but the day will be fine and you will be surrounded by the people who matter the most, and who love and care for you xx

indiepanda

Hi Dragoneye, so sad to hear your story, sounds like a really distressing situation, and so unfair.

I am also planning a wedding without the support of my mother, albeit for different reasons. My mum is prone to anxiety and depression and she's had a particularly bad bout this time, which ended up with her being hospitalized just over a week ago, not something that has happened before. I've just got back from visiting her and it's pretty clear she won't be home any time soon.

To be honest, because her tendency to worry, I don't think I'd have looked to her for much help anyway. She's an accomplished dressmaker and for my sister's wedding, made my sister's dress, the dress for me and the other bridesmaid and her own MOB outfit, but she was wound up like a top by the time the wedding came round, and I wouldn't have wanted to be responsible for her getting sick for mine.

I guess in many ways I am feeling sad for the mother I wish I had, but didn't. Her anxious tendencies have always made her very self-absorbed so she's never really been the supportive type. Even blamed her depression on having had kids - which I think is a really rotten thing to say to your child.

I've not met my future MIL and she won't be invited to the wedding. She and the rest of my OHs family live in Albania where he had to return recently because of visa issues, hoping to get sorted soon. She doesn't speak a word of English and was a horrible mother to my OH - used to beat him to the point he saw stars and ever since he came to the UK she has treated him like a cash cow to be milked to death even though she doesn't even send him a birthday card. I've no desire to meet her.

As for how I cope - friends. I simply couldn't do without them. Ever since the issue with my OHs visa (I say issue, to be blunt, he didn't have one and had lied and told me he had, was all very traumatic when the police caught up with him and he got sent home) they've been there for me. From listening when I am down to taking me out and getting me nice and drunk when needed to helping me collect evidence to support our visa application they've been absolute stars.

I do hope things work out ok in the end, you sound like a very kind and courageous person, and I hope you find the strength and support you need.

dragoneye454

Thanks for sharing your stories guys. I hope you all get through.
Strangely knowing that I am not alone has helped alot. Not that I would wish it on anyone of course.

To answer the question about my siblings, my two half sisters on my dads side are my bridesmaids, my sister is well and truly caught under my mum, but more sadly, my brother, being younger has been lied to about what happened and thinks I am trying to hurt his dad out of some hatred for them so he pretty much hates me with a passion, which sadly looking at it, if someone lied to you like that, I can't really blame him. I do hope someone tells him the truth somewhen but until then, I can only wait for him to talk to me.

I am going dress shopping in a couple weeks time and am dreading it to be honest. Its a long time before I have to actually pick one but I want to get an idea so I can build ideas around it. My two half sisters (13 and 15) are going with me and dad and OH are in the background for support. Wish me luck :-/

sorrytohearit

Really saddened to hear your story Dragoneye. I'll be thinking of you over the coming months. I know this won't be any comfort, but often situations where there have been such traumatic difficulties, it becomes apparent that people near the centre of it, but not the original cause (such as your mum perhaps) are also a victim because those who cause the trauma are extremely skilled at manipulation - and it can become very difficult for those who get drawn in to separate truth from lies. I have seen it elsewhere - to an observer its unbelievable, but from within its a classic response to manipulation.
For your own sake I encourage you to try and make contact with your sister and brother, and think about releasing yourself from 'unforgiveness'. That's a hard road to walk and tends to make the unforgiving one physically ill- whilst leaving the one needing forgiveness scot free. Forgiveness doesn't mean to say that one can't still set boundaries to protect you from, or limit, further hurt or danger.
I wish great blessing and peace on you over this engagement period and into your marriage, and also for restoration with your sister and brother. Bless you x

SandraScarlett

I also couldn't read this and not say anything. Huge hugs to all brides-to-be who are suffering sadness at this stressful time.

xx

Daeny

dragoneye454 wrote: »

I know it's about us but it's just like there is something missing

I know exactly what you mean. I fell out with my mother when I was eighteen, and we remain only in distant contact. We don't talk, we're not in touch, we only hear about each other through my brothers. I've seen her once in the eight years since.

I do find it difficult. It's not so much that I miss her (I don't any more), but it's that I feel I'm missing out. Everyone I know who's got married goes on about how their mum helped them do this, how their mum advised on that... I don't have that. My fianc!'s mother is trying to help out in that kind of way but it doesn't feel the same.

I can't advise you, but I've just sucked it up and accepted that this is my choice. If I wanted to get back in touch with her I could. I don't. I don't forgive the initial problem.

I have, however, invited her to our wedding. My brothers and father would make my life so difficult if I didn't. It's going to be interesting.