Real life MMD: My hubby earns more. Should he pay more of joint bills?

Victoria270385_2

Just because two people have separate accounts, it doesnt mean that if one loses their job they will be kicked out. If my hubby lost his job i would pay all bills etc with my wage. I dont get why its so important to have everything joint. Each to their own, i dont want all joint, others do....who cares, as long as it works for the two people and the bills are paid.

Victoria270385_2

our current situation is we are married, i pay the rent he pays all bills and then we just pay for shopping depending on who goes, more often than not its me paying for the shopping but if we go to the pub he will pay or pay for takeaway so it equals itself out. I have a loan to clear off so its not practical to have a joint account at the moment, also its harder as he gets paid weekly and me monthly. I dont love him any less because we havent got a joint account.

elvis86

mrshughes86 wrote: »

As soon as my husband and I moved in together when we were just boyfriend and girlfriend, we got a joint bank account.
All our earnings went in, the bills came out, and anything left we had as 'pocket money'. There was no question of, "well I earnt more than you this year... but you got a bonus then..."
More recently, as we have had more spare money, we have started to put half of it into a savings account for things like holidays and DIY, and then have a quarter each to spend how we want.
I don't think it can ever work being married and keeping separate accounts.

Again, people get bogged down with the specifics of whose name accounts are in and where wages get paid, when it's the principle that's important.

A couple could have a joint account that the husband empties every time wages are paid in - the existence of a joint account does not in itself guarantee anything about the way a couple manage their finances.

fattybumble85

My mum and dad have been together for over 26 years and they dont have a joint account. Despite all the hysteria on here that a marriage/relationship cant possibly work unless you pool everything together believe it not folks, it can!

I couldn't bear working full time and then because my wages are paid into an account with the OH's, having to ask him if it was alright if I indulged in a some retail therapy. My salary isn't 'pin money' and I'm not the little lady playing at working in the big bad world.
I buy what I like with my wages, as the OH does. Everything gets paid and we both have whatever is leftover to do what we like. Why people think that a marriage/relationship means being unable to make decisions for yourself is beyond me.

And as me and my OH are paid at different times of the month, me mid month, him at the end, if necessary we will lend each other the odd £30 to tide them over or if either hasn't had a chance to nip to the cashpoint on a night out. Goes without question that it would be paid back though. We've been together for 7 years and always take it in turns to buy rounds too, splitting the bills in restaurants, etc. Cannot see why this is so terrible for some of you.

Angelfeathers

We spent a long time making a mess of our money and getting into a lot of debt, though were lucky enough to pay most of it off with my husband's inheritance. In comparison, when we met, I had £7,000 of savings so used them for the deposit on our house. It would never have occurred to me to have only used half, since then hubby would have had to get into debt to pay his 'share', which would be finanically stupid!

(As for our wedding, my parents paid for it all. At the time, I thought that was the norm!)

Now we have got ourselves sorted out, everything goes into a joint account and then gets apportioned out from there into lots of separate budgets (controlled by me from a spreadsheet) for bills, holidays, groceries, house, garden etc. etc. We each get 15% of our income as personal spending money, in our own accounts. It was 10% but my husband got into debt again so I increased it so he could pay that off, as he does finally seem to be learning that there won't always be some windfall to pay everything off, but I made sure I got the same rise.

It's probably not fair that I get a lot less spending money than he does, because I only earn part-time money despite the fact that I do a full-time job housekeeping and mothering, but I've never been much of a spender so I'm okay with it. I'd rather the money went towards saving up towards holidays or the house, or for me to have fun spending on the garden.

But again, this is just what works for us. The OP definitely needs to talk to her husband so they can work out what works for *them*.

tescobabe69

Some people seem to be getting confused, OP is married, if I lived with someone I would keep my money very seperate, being married is different, she who must be listened to will get half if we split whatever seperate accounts we may have.

BNT

Traveller1981 wrote: »

Of course I don't have a separate room to watch television, what I meant is, I feel no guilt paying £2k for a TV out of my own money, but had the money all been joint, I wouldn't feel right spending that same £2k as it comes out of a joint pot, and I know my partner would happily go without that sort of TV. Therefore, having my own money to spend on those things works for me, as I can buy what I want, anyone can use it, but I don't feel like I am making my partner pay for something she doesn't really want.
Again with the separate personal money, I would never be buying something that meant that my partner would have to go without, like you mentioned with the yoga classes. I want the TV, she wants the yoga classes, and we pay for them out of our own pots. The house still doesn't go without, and neither does the family as the pots of money are separated.

I understand most of that; the only place where we differ is that be cause I am married, whether the money is in my account, my wife's account, or our joint account, it is still a joint pot. Neither me nor my wife would feel any different whether I buy something with money in my account, hers or a joint one. It's not going to affect my buying decision. I find that our arrangement reduces the risk of a 'my money/her money' situation. For you, if it doesn't feel right using money from your partner's account or a joint account to buy things, then your arrangement works for you.

The point I was trying to make is that bank account arrangements ultimately don't make a difference to what a family buys, jointly or individually. Money kept in a single account doesn't stop being joint money. It might make one feel differently, but, hopefully at least, it wouldn't change the spending pattern of those couples with joint accounts if the money were to be put into two different accounts. Just as if I transfer money from our joint account into my account, I don't have any greater say in how it is spent than if I'd left it where it was.

Traveller1981

BNT wrote: »

I understand most of that; the only place where we differ is that be cause I am married, whether the money is in my account, my wife's account, or our joint account, it is still a joint pot. Neither me nor my wife would feel any different whether I buy something with money in my account, hers or a joint one. It's not going to affect my buying decision. I find that our arrangement reduces the risk of a 'my money/her money' situation. For you, if it doesn't feel right using money from your partner's account or a joint account to buy things, then your arrangement works for you.

The point I was trying to make is that bank account arrangements ultimately don't make a difference to what a family buys, jointly or individually. Money kept in a single account doesn't stop being joint money. It might make one feel differently, but, hopefully at least, it wouldn't change the spending pattern of those couples with joint accounts if the money were to be put into two different accounts. Just as if I transfer money from our joint account into my account, I don't have any greater say in how it is spent than if I'd left it where it was.

Absolutely. I understand where you are coming from. Just in my house, it is easier to have our separate accounts. There would be a lot of discussion on many purchases if it were all pooled together, but that discussion is ultimately removed with the separate accounts, unless of course it effects the other person in anyway.
Like with the TV, I wouldn't have bought it had she said no to a 50", but as she said yes, there was then no need for a discussion on how much I spend on it. Makes my life easier.

Traveller1981

tescobabe69 wrote: »

Some people seem to be getting confused, OP is married, if I lived with someone I would keep my money very seperate, being married is different, she who must be listened to will get half if we split whatever seperate accounts we may have.

It's not about if you split, well not for me anyway. It's just about being able to spend what you want without any "issues". Some people don't have these issues because they are both very sensible with money, or both of them are very similar in their spending habits, but where couples are very different (one bad with money, or one spends considerably more etc etc), I think the separate accounts work very well.
If me and my partner ever split, then she can have half of my golf clubs, and Mens Health subscription if she wants. :rotfl:
Any money I save is saved for the pair of us. I just know I can save more if I have more control over the money I spend. It results in less frittering of money that is just available in a joint account.

Barry1971a

...to having separate accounts when married? If that is the way that the couple want to manage their finances it should not concern anyone else.

I for one have been happily married for a few months short of 10 years. We have separate current accounts which our salaries go into. I pay the mortgage & my wife pays the utilities. Only fair as I earn more & so pay the biggest bill.

We do have a joint savings account where our child benefit goes into & that pays for any children related purchase.

It would be a boring place if we were all the same!