Real life MMD: My hubby earns more. Should he pay more of joint bills?

Traveller1981

Mojisola wrote: »

Having all accounts in joint names can work well if both partners have the same attitude to spending. If one is more extravagant than the other, then two individual accounts for personal spends is a good compromise.

I can't understand married couples or those who live together for many years being content with one spouse managing on a low income while the other is spending a lot on themselves or stashing away savings in their own name. The only couple I know who lived like this - one year she went on holiday on her own because he couldn't afford to pay his share - have split up.

When you are married and you have savings, if you split up, the other gets half anyway, so if doesn't really matter whose name the savings are in.
I am better with money than my other half, both in savings and managing. I manage all our joint money as well, and pay all the bills etc etc. I budget all the family money.
We have split accounts, and a joint for all family expenditure. I have saved lots from my own personal money, into an account that we will both use when we retire, or for some unknown circumstance. If this money went into a joint account, it would have just been frittered away just because it was there.
Anything left on my account at the end of the month goes into this same saving account also. This allowed me to save up a considerable deposit on our house (that we bought together) that I wouldn't have been able to had the money all been joint. The money is more often than not used for purchases that benefit us both, or saved towards our retirement (I also pay considerable pension contributions, and she doesn't even have one). I see this money as ours, even though it comes from my personal account, but having it in there gives me greater control of how much we can save.
My partner isn't bad with money, but she is much more of a "live for now" kind of person, whereas I like to know we will be financially secure when we retire and have no other way of "earning" extra money.

Traveller1981

sng165 wrote: »

So she's now stuck with a TV she doesnt really want ? - some joint decision - or a waste of monies that she may have been able to suggest better use of - oh no! these are your monies !
I give up!

Jeebus you are a pedant!

Not wanting it, isn't the same as not enjoying it. I would never purchase anything she wasn't happy with. She wasn't bothered about an iPad, but I bought one and she uses it everyday. She can live without these things that I want, but enjoys everyone of them when I do buy them.

I think you should give up, you clearly only think the way you deal with money is the right way, and are too narrow minded to accept that other people may have a way to deal with money that works just as well as yours does, even if it is completely different.

Victoria270385_2

Traveller, i completely agree with you. My hubby likes PS3, flat screens etc whilst im happy not having them. He now wants one of those HD 3D all singing all dancing tv's but there is nothing wrong with our current one so if he wants one he will pay for it himself when we are sorted with money. He would never moan at me for watching said tv even though ive not paid for it and he wouldnt expect me to go halves on a brand new tv when the current one works fine.

I still stick to wanting a joint account for bills when we are sorted with money when my loan is paid off but still having our own accounts. I will pay more into the joint account as i earn more but whatever is left is ours to do what we want with. Hubby works very hard for his money so he can spend it how he wants, as long as the bills are fine. With my paying more into the joint account it will mean we are both left with similar amounts of money to spend on whatever so i can buy what i want without checking with him that i can spend it and vice versa.

onesixfive

Traveller1981 wrote: »

Jeebus you are a pedant!

you clearly only think the way you deal with money is the right way, and are too narrow minded to accept that other people may have a way to deal with money that works just as well as yours does, even if it is completely different.

Touche.......

JayD

As with all things - you should be discussing your feelings about this with your husband.
Bottling up feelings of injustice will not do your relationship any good at all.

You have made an arrangement together which you are no longer happy with. Things change, attitudes change, finances change, bills change - no agreements made between couples concerning their lifestyle choices are written in stone forever. So TALK to him about it!

And as for whether or not he should be paying more than half of the bills - that is entirely up to both of you! Not to anyone else. We all have very different views about how finances should be dealt with in our relationships. In my household, all our money goes into a joint bank account from which all bills are paid, regardless of who put in what. For everyday living costs, we each take what we need, when we need it. For larger expenses and treats we TALK about it and decide together. So your dilemma is not something that ever arises.

mrshughes86

As soon as my husband and I moved in together when we were just boyfriend and girlfriend, we got a joint bank account.
All our earnings went in, the bills came out, and anything left we had as 'pocket money'. There was no question of, "well I earnt more than you this year... but you got a bonus then..."
More recently, as we have had more spare money, we have started to put half of it into a savings account for things like holidays and DIY, and then have a quarter each to spend how we want.
I don't think it can ever work being married and keeping separate accounts.
What would happen if one of you was made redundant and had no income - are you going to kick them out if they don't pay their half of the rent?!

Traveller1981

mrshughes86 wrote: »

I don't think it can ever work being married and keeping separate accounts.
What would happen if one of you was made redundant and had no income - are you going to kick them out if they don't pay their half of the rent?!

Why does it have to be so extreme? If my partner lost her job, I would pay for everything, like I do now with a new baby, but we still have separate accounts. Separate accounts don't make you a selfish person.

Any

sng165 wrote: »

Touche.......

OMG, you just have to have the last word!!

Markie11

It seems as though people, whether they're single, a couple (married or not) or even a group of people under one household, deal with their finances in a number of different ways. As far as I'm concerned then it's whatever suits them and what they agree to. Obviously in the OPs point of view then she feels aggrieved and it's an issue, therefore she should take with her husband about this matter.

My wife and I have been together for nearly 10 years now, just over 9 years of that living together, 5.5 years married. In the time that we've lived together, we always worked out and agreed a monthly budget to cover all household running costs, with joint savings on top of this (car fund, rainy day, etc). All house outgoings have come directly out of a joint current account and this has been funded by personal contributions. We have always agreed that our personal contributions should be spilt based upon our current individual income (basic salary). This should then leaves us with the same amount to spend and/or save personally. I believe this makes it so much easier to control and it saves arguments on what non-essential items are being purchased. I don't think she would like it that I spent £5 flutter on the football, every week, from the joint account (she would if I won more often ). Nor would I like it if she decided to get her hair cut and coloured at the cost of £70 each month, but given that it's her money it doesn't matter to me what she spends it on.

In some months when either may have overtime or a bonus then usually we would treat other to a takeaway or meal out.

There have been periods in the last 9 years that my wife has earned more than me, so she paid more in and others when I've earned more so I've paid more. When my wife was off work after maternity, I paid everything including money for her personally, we just made sure that amount was even. At the moment she works part-time and her salary is significantly less than mine, so I currently pay more in but we both have the same amount left to spend separately.

In my personal opinion this is what works best for us, but may not for others. I guess it all depends on your lifestyle and your partnership with your other half. Some people never go out and spend their life in the house, other couples go out every weekend together, others never go out together but go with their mates. It's never been an issue to either of us.

Any

mrshughes86 wrote: »

As soon as my husband and I moved in together when we were just boyfriend and girlfriend, we got a joint bank account.
All our earnings went in, the bills came out, and anything left we had as 'pocket money'. There was no question of, "well I earnt more than you this year... but you got a bonus then..."
More recently, as we have had more spare money, we have started to put half of it into a savings account for things like holidays and DIY, and then have a quarter each to spend how we want.
I don't think it can ever work being married and keeping separate accounts.
What would happen if one of you was made redundant and had no income - are you going to kick them out if they don't pay their half of the rent?!

I think you are completely missing the point of this argument..
I really don't know where people got this idea, that when 2 people who are both earning keep some money separate somehow means that that if one stops working they are kicked on the streets??

I don't follow that logic somehow...