We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.
This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!
Aspergers and (Finally) Getting there with Schooling
![[Deleted User]](https://us-noi.v-cdn.net/6031891/uploads/defaultavatar/nFA7H6UNOO0N5.jpg)
[Deleted User]
Posts: 7,323 Forumite


My son is now 16. He was diagnosed with dyspraxia at 8 (he still has problems writing).., aspergers at 10.
Since primary school, he has had terrible problems with ignorance from teachers (u know who they are, the SENCO's who turn out to be the worse teachers, the senior teacher who knows it all but won't find out about aspergers and approaches even refusing to see the Ed. Psychologist but says they are doing everything they can to help him). He's gone through teachers who thought they could change his behaviour by laughing at him (led to escalated teasing and bullying, both times.., one was a SENCO).
Then, in spite of my best efforts to ease the transition from middle to senior school, and being told it was all being handled, he found himself in a senior school who reportedly had no idea he had aspergers (although his teacher at the time knew full well) for three months. He walked out of school on numerous occasions, has been strangled twice by 'rowdy' peers (school did nothing). I was reported to social services with a long list of shortcomings (and I have to admit after years of not sleeping because of my son's not sleeping I was having mental health issues by then) but I suspect the main reason was I was constantly down the school with the word aspergers on my lips trying to get the school to meet his needs (it made him more of a victim and more aspergic apparently). For the next few years I tried desperately hard to work with the school and tutor my son in the background, but it wasn't easy. The school was quite a chaotic place and was unhelpful to put it mildly.
Anyway it culminated with me getting a report Dec 2010 saying he was going to get 2 GCSE's if he was lucky. Previously his reports had been much better, not good but better. Due to this and a worsening housing situation (I had had everything stolen by supposedly friendly neighbours when in a refuge after a relationship break up, this affected me enormously mentally) I upped and left the West Midlands (having tried every branch of the LEA I could find to get more than lip service help from them to support my near genius level son). I moved to Kent, having already got him into a very impressive technically inclined Academy there (every student has a laptop which meant my son didn't have to physically write to acheive). At long last a mainstream school that didn't just pay lip service to enabling kids acheive their potential! Within two weeks he had full time scribe help, which reduced over time as he was able to cope in some lessons without a scribe.
We were homeless for a while (not a situation I'd like to have happen ever again), but now live in a reasonable three bedroom house. As soon as we moved here, my son's sleeping problems vanished. It wasn't my parenting .., cause lets face it at the time we were living in a yukky bedsit with mice to keep us company, not knowing if the landlord would let us stay another week, I was the same person (i.e. there was every possible reason for my son to feel more insecure not less) and yet suddenly my son was sleeping. Maybe the sleeplessness was something to do with the previously highly stressful school enironment like I'd been saying all along huh? I wish some of these educational experts could put themselves in my son's shoes just for a few minutes and realise what its like dealing with being called a retard several times a day.., and worse.
And from there its gotten better and better. Its not perfect, but I would never expect that.., its just more workable. AND my darling son is doing TEN GCSE's.., not two. He's passed two already.., and certain to pass another six as they are judged via assessments he's already done. Mind you, even this school came out with this mad idea that I should let my son decide if he wanted to revise cause failure was good for him to learn from (huh? Not sure where that pearl of wisdom came from?)
So anyone out there who is wondering like I have if its you or the world that's mad.., take a deep breath, think it through and however crazy your idea may seem, if its the only thing that will help your child.., go for it. But you have to go for it 100%, determined to do whatever u have to to make it work out. What I did was crazy.., move from a council house to a yukky bedsit, then emergency housing with no furniture/fridge/cooker.., (we slept on the floor).., with a real possibility of becoming homeless but I worked and worked at the situation (got my face known at housing, found someone who would help even if he shouldn't have and kept talking to him desperately til he came up with a private landlord with a property to rent who would let to someone on LHA - believe u me, they are like Gold dust lol). Obviously I followed up every possible Landlord lead as well. Sometimes it seems like u have got nothing left to lose lol! I still don't know how the situation worked out, and (try not to think 'what would I have done if it hadn't?') but I just knew I had to make it happen.
Seeing my son smile, more confident and happy than he was (he's not even calling himself a retard now which used to break my heart) makes all that process worthwhile. Sometimes u just have to say, this isn't right, I have to make it right regardless of people who say that u can't or shouldn't do it. And now my son is actually quite keen to go on to sixth form! And he smiles!
Since primary school, he has had terrible problems with ignorance from teachers (u know who they are, the SENCO's who turn out to be the worse teachers, the senior teacher who knows it all but won't find out about aspergers and approaches even refusing to see the Ed. Psychologist but says they are doing everything they can to help him). He's gone through teachers who thought they could change his behaviour by laughing at him (led to escalated teasing and bullying, both times.., one was a SENCO).
Then, in spite of my best efforts to ease the transition from middle to senior school, and being told it was all being handled, he found himself in a senior school who reportedly had no idea he had aspergers (although his teacher at the time knew full well) for three months. He walked out of school on numerous occasions, has been strangled twice by 'rowdy' peers (school did nothing). I was reported to social services with a long list of shortcomings (and I have to admit after years of not sleeping because of my son's not sleeping I was having mental health issues by then) but I suspect the main reason was I was constantly down the school with the word aspergers on my lips trying to get the school to meet his needs (it made him more of a victim and more aspergic apparently). For the next few years I tried desperately hard to work with the school and tutor my son in the background, but it wasn't easy. The school was quite a chaotic place and was unhelpful to put it mildly.
Anyway it culminated with me getting a report Dec 2010 saying he was going to get 2 GCSE's if he was lucky. Previously his reports had been much better, not good but better. Due to this and a worsening housing situation (I had had everything stolen by supposedly friendly neighbours when in a refuge after a relationship break up, this affected me enormously mentally) I upped and left the West Midlands (having tried every branch of the LEA I could find to get more than lip service help from them to support my near genius level son). I moved to Kent, having already got him into a very impressive technically inclined Academy there (every student has a laptop which meant my son didn't have to physically write to acheive). At long last a mainstream school that didn't just pay lip service to enabling kids acheive their potential! Within two weeks he had full time scribe help, which reduced over time as he was able to cope in some lessons without a scribe.
We were homeless for a while (not a situation I'd like to have happen ever again), but now live in a reasonable three bedroom house. As soon as we moved here, my son's sleeping problems vanished. It wasn't my parenting .., cause lets face it at the time we were living in a yukky bedsit with mice to keep us company, not knowing if the landlord would let us stay another week, I was the same person (i.e. there was every possible reason for my son to feel more insecure not less) and yet suddenly my son was sleeping. Maybe the sleeplessness was something to do with the previously highly stressful school enironment like I'd been saying all along huh? I wish some of these educational experts could put themselves in my son's shoes just for a few minutes and realise what its like dealing with being called a retard several times a day.., and worse.
And from there its gotten better and better. Its not perfect, but I would never expect that.., its just more workable. AND my darling son is doing TEN GCSE's.., not two. He's passed two already.., and certain to pass another six as they are judged via assessments he's already done. Mind you, even this school came out with this mad idea that I should let my son decide if he wanted to revise cause failure was good for him to learn from (huh? Not sure where that pearl of wisdom came from?)
So anyone out there who is wondering like I have if its you or the world that's mad.., take a deep breath, think it through and however crazy your idea may seem, if its the only thing that will help your child.., go for it. But you have to go for it 100%, determined to do whatever u have to to make it work out. What I did was crazy.., move from a council house to a yukky bedsit, then emergency housing with no furniture/fridge/cooker.., (we slept on the floor).., with a real possibility of becoming homeless but I worked and worked at the situation (got my face known at housing, found someone who would help even if he shouldn't have and kept talking to him desperately til he came up with a private landlord with a property to rent who would let to someone on LHA - believe u me, they are like Gold dust lol). Obviously I followed up every possible Landlord lead as well. Sometimes it seems like u have got nothing left to lose lol! I still don't know how the situation worked out, and (try not to think 'what would I have done if it hadn't?') but I just knew I had to make it happen.
Seeing my son smile, more confident and happy than he was (he's not even calling himself a retard now which used to break my heart) makes all that process worthwhile. Sometimes u just have to say, this isn't right, I have to make it right regardless of people who say that u can't or shouldn't do it. And now my son is actually quite keen to go on to sixth form! And he smiles!
0
Comments
-
I sort of know how you feel Deanna - my grandson is Aspie and his primary, junior and even secondary schools were a nightmare for him (Staff EXACTLY as you describe). in the end my daughter gave up on Welsh Medium Education and moved him to a nearby English Medium School - They are absolutely wonderful with him - and the change in his personality is magical! Yes - seeing a formerly miserable child smiling so much is worth any sacrifice!
Well done YOU!0 -
Congratulations! Thank you for sharing and WOW, that's some determination to get things sorted! Well done!Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants - Michael Pollan
48 down, 22 to go
Low carb, low oxalate Primal + dairy
From size 24 to 16 and now stuck...0 -
It was just the way it had to be. The one thing I said when I was pregnant with my son was that I was going to give him confidence.., (never doing very well on that score myself lol) then life being what it is, it made sure this was going to be the most difficult thing to acheive.
But the thing that doesn't come out in the above post is something most people forget when they consider children with ASD. They have to be so much braver and intelligent than non aspie kids., with the challenges they face, they have to have go through things every day that we as adults would say led to constructive dismissal if they happened in our place of work! And they are kids that often don't know how to cope with normal emotions. I wrote the above post as a celebration of acheivement against all the odds.., to encourage other desperate parents but most of all, in admiration at what my son has dealt with every single day. And still come out of it a lovely young man, still willing to try and take the world on. Words don't do it justice!0 -
That is so lovely to read. Congratulations to you both. It's a long, hard slog going against what seems like the whole world, I've been there so I can empathise somewhat. Your 'reward' if you like is knowing that you gave your son the best possible start you could. Enjoy your new life together0
-
Thank you for your post Deanna.
I'm really struggling with DS's school gettting them to understadn he has sensory issues. They're kind of ok with his other issues. I've thought of up and moving the past and even as recentlly as last week, but Ds has 1 more yr of this school eft. I'm basically keeping my fingers crossed his next school will be better, this time I'm not going to wait it out and see if it improves. I'll do what's right for my son and pull him out of school.
Remember it's not just your DS who had to be brave in the above situation, you also had to be. And have the determintation and belief in yourself to keep pushing ahead. Many others would have given up.
*hugs*0 -
Yes, moving if I had my 'logical' head on was insane.., but although at times the problems seemed insurmountable.., a year later we are in a much better position than we ever have been.
As I have said, my older son is doing much better in school and is happier than I've ever known him (OK, he still has his bad days.., but better is definately better). Moving here and a lack of local school places for my younger son meant the one thing that was 'worse' was the two bus journey (and hour each way) to get him to school. Meant I had problems if my older son needed me but I had to get my younger son to school. I've not been overly well lately (after effects of heart attack and arthritis affecting my mobility so 20 minutes plus waiting for a bus was yukky). He's suddenly been found a place in a school ten minutes walk away! And its a really really nice school plus they agreed he had some indications of slight learning difficulties after the first day. Maybe I won't face the same battle with him that I did with my older son.., although his difficulties are a lot less pervasive than my older son's.
And on top of all that, I've just managed to get a new supplier to agree to change my prepayment meters over to credit meters for free. And signed up for a Warm Home discount (£120 off your bill if you're on certain benefits - see http://www.decc.gov.uk/en/content/cms/funding/whds/whd_broader/whd_broader.aspx). So will be able to get a better tariff and not be struggling to put £40 a week or more in the meter next year!
Its all coming together. Its never going to be a walk in the park.., but its attainable. Today.., I feel even luckier than usual.0 -
That's a lovely outcome OP, am so glad that you have both finally got a point where your son is doing as well as he is.
Although I have no experience of Aspergers, my 11 year old DS has social anxiety disorder that primarily manifests as Selective Mutism.
The reason for me posting - in addition to giving congratulations - is to say that not all schools fail their students.
DS's primary school has jumped through hoops to help us all and thankfully CAMHS and the Speech Therapy unit have been marvelous.
Hopefully his transition to high school will be easier than what I'm expecting.
If anyone reading this needs any help/advice/support with SM then feel free to PM me.Stone walls do not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage.0 -
You should be very proud of yourself, and I know very well where you are coming fromBlackpool_Saver is female, and does not live in Blackpool0
-
Well done. :T
My son has Aspergers and we are currently going through hell to get him into a suitable school. He is primary school aged, but unable to cope with mainstream school. The only place the LEA is offering is basically the school-for-wrong'uns where he will probably get his head kicked in and where no kids ever leave with decent (A-C) GCSEs. This despite the fact that he is (somehow, despite having hardly been in school this year) working at average NC levels except in writing, which as you know, Aspies often have trouble with. He also scores very highly in cognitive ability tests, so we are struggling with the LEA's low expectations of him. In the right environment he could do fine, but they are "unable" to provide that environment.
We are also considering moving areas - but it's a drastic solution and as we own our house, not a quick one either. It would also impact on younger son, who is settled in the local school.They deem him their worst enemy who tells them the truth. -- Plato0 -
Now THIS is why I try my hardest to work with aspie/ASD/autistic children. The confidence you can give them by letting them know they aren't wrong and that being different isn't such a bad thing shows even after a short period of time** Total debt: £6950.82 ± May NSDs 1/10 **** Fat Bum Shrinking: -7/56lbs **
**SPC 2012 #1498 -£152 and 1499 ***
I do it all because I'm scared.
0
This discussion has been closed.
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply

Categories
- All Categories
- 352K Banking & Borrowing
- 253.5K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 454.2K Spending & Discounts
- 245K Work, Benefits & Business
- 600.6K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 177.4K Life & Family
- 258.8K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16.2K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.6K Read-Only Boards