"poverty mentality"

Errata

"Frugal" frightens me witless, but "sensible" allows me to sleep at night.

lilac_lady

Not being OS and frittering away all your money will usually end in a panic when a large bill arrives unexpectedly, or in some cases, expectedly.

OS, not meaness and deprivation, brings a sense of independence and security. It seems crazy not to be OS but some people think that we're the crazy ones!

[Deleted User]

For us OS is a choice of lifestyle, we don't live a profligate lifestyle but do have everything we need to be comfortable. I say need, not want, as there are many things I would like to have but wouldn't feel comfortable having. Perhaps we should call it a Sustainable Lifestyle instead.

Molly41

scrabbles wrote: »

Not paying for the bare essentials for your children when you can afford to is NOT OS. I think there is a HUGE difference between OS and meanness. If your parents are disinclined to spend money now it is their choice and nobody else's - perhaps the money that is 'not for spending' is for providing their children and grandchildren with a better life after they have gone?

I wonder how our children perceive our Old Style ways though? I did have the bare essentials in that I had a roof over my head and clothes on my back. However it singled me out as being different - which is a difficult concept for children to cope with.

I still struggle to this day with the way I was brought up - my parents had and have a poverty mentality and it impacted greatly upon me.

sandraroffey

interesting post this. i am on a basic state pension and pension credit., so no high living on that.

so, i am OS by absolute necessity. i havent had a holiday since heaven knows when and i never buy clothes that are new, its always from the charity shop. i make everything from scratch and buy meat only if its reduced. i NEVER go out anywhere, not even for a meal or a coffee.

for me and all the others in the same position, 'poverty mentality' is a way of life, we couldnt survive any other way.

in my childhood, money was very tight, and my dad would allow my mum to go to work. no would he allow anything on 'tic', even mail order catalogues. i had one new dress a year. everything else was passed down from older cousins, including shoes and if they were summer canvas shoes and they were to small for me, the toes were cut out with a razor blade.

i didnt realise just how hard up we were until one day at school, someone said to me that if we didnt have a fridge or a hoover, then we must be really poor.

and bread and jam????? dad got paid weekly, and if by friday the money had run out, he got the dinner and us 3 kids had our tea before he came in: bread and jam.

RAS

gallygirl wrote: »

So my friend say to herself 'must avoid weak !!!!!!, must avoid weak !!!!!!, must avoid weak !!!!!!', her brain registers 'weak !!!!!!' and goes out to find another one. Only explanation I can think of.

Don't think of a pink elephant.

Basic Neuro Linguistic Programming.

The human brain can only compute the negative by holding the obverse in mind.

Which is why "Don't fall" is pretty crummy advice from mums but so many use it.

There are too many things in here but a couple of obs.

1. People are OS for many reasons and financial poverty is only one of these.

2. Sometimes people experience poverty of imagination as well. That seriously limits their ability to seek and recognise opportunities.

One very basic example (I hope the OP does not mind) was a poster on JSA who could not afford the buses needed to access anything other than really limited and costly shops and if walking could not carry enough shopping back from anywhere cheap. When we asked what shops were available near where she signed on (transport costs reimbursed), a whole host of opportunities opened up.

3. Sometimes financial circumstance limit peoples ability to make full use of bargains, as Ben indicated. I work so my journey home takes me past several supermarkets that have reduced stock at the end of the day. Most people on JSA could not afford the cost of the journey to look for the bargains.

4. There is a great thread on the Old Saving thread where people list 5 good things that happened today. For someone whose world seems to be filled with financial stresses, doing that exercise will help them approach the challenges more positively. They will probably find better solutions at less personal and financial costs.

ragz_2

lostinrates wrote: »

Hmm. I partially agree.

I hate to be wasteful. But I am lucky enought o have some choice in our grocery budget, i prefer to save in other areas than for example, quality of food. If we had less leeway i would adjust accordingly.

Althoguh i see little joy in profligacy neither do i i see much joy on living GOING WITHOUT by choice, living everyday feeling hard done by, rather than everyday as if i have done well. e.g. I will not waste food, use more than we need, not use left overs, but neither do we have to eat uber cheap stuff which i would consider emergency ratios...prepared value curry sauce is an example thT springs to mind. (i know many here find it useful, and it may be great, i haven't tried it, so my view is quite potentially one of ignorance and bigotry).

I kind of agree with this. Having grown up very poor I always had the poverty mentality, I have always spent little and these days when we have a bit to spare I have to consciously force myself to treat the family to days out, to say YES sometimes when DH or the kids ask for things, to let myself buy a magazine or a coffee sometimes, because we can actually afford it I am just so used to saying no. I very much felt that I am becoming 'mean' and it is something I am trying hard to work on, but old habits die hard...

I noticed that friends of ours in the same income bracket had more days out etc and it did not seem to cripple them, so I have learned that it is OK to splurge occasionally as long as I don't go crazy. I also am realising that it is better to spend more money on better quality clothing and footwear now I can afford it because it will last a lot longer and actually I get more use out of it so it's cheaper in the long run than replacing stuff every year.
Ben84 put it better than I could

Also, my DH is happier now he is allowed to spend some of the money he earns!

But I am happy in the knowledge that I can easily live on a tight budget and made do with little.

Mistral001

I certianly know where the OP is coming from and I must say that I agree a little with them. It can give out all the wrong vibes and the negative feedback from others can have an a negative affect on you. It can become a bit of a downward spiral.

When I first started to cut back really hardly two years ago, I had a sort of envangelical zeal about it. I got good feedback from others and even admiration, but after about a year, that stopped and I really had to try to hide my cutbacks as much as I could. I would not mention that I had bought something at a carboot sale. I would turn the heating on a few hours before someone came and switch it off immediately they left.

Two years on and living on about a quarter of what most people would spend on everyday things has become normal and it is a bit depressing to be honest. You get the feeling sometimes that this is as good as it will get.

PipneyJane

heretolearn wrote: »

Talking to someone the other day who said that OS stuff, trying to keep costs down, buying 2nd hand stuff, not spending a lot on food etc when it wasn't essential (ie you could spend more), was a sign of having a "poverty mentality".If you act like you are poor you reinforce that in your expectations/approach to life and so then while you might not be 'poor', you won't ever get rich.

Agree or disagree?

Disagree.

Sound's like your friend has spent too much time listening to those "wealth counsellors" like T. Harv Eker, who peddle the line that you can think yourself rich without putting in any hard graft. Reality is that the only person who gets rich from those seminars is the person who puts them on. They rake in thousands from the gullible souls who pay mega-money to attend. (Sorry, this is a really sore point with me. Like a red rag to a bull..... :mad:)

The truth is that 99% of self-made millionnaires become wealthy because they watch the pennies, then funnel those pennies into income-producing assets like their own business, shares or rental property. (Read The Millionaire Next Door to see the research.) They don't stand around in groups, doing knee-lifts, saying "I've got a millionaire mind". Instead they live old-style so that they can save up enough money to buy the next rental property (and have it break even). Or so they can save enough to pay cash for the car instead of taking out a loan. Or so they can pay off their mortgage really early so that they can save a huge amount of money by not paying all that interest, then they channel the mortgage payment money into investments (like Anita Bell who wrote the book Your Mortgage and How to Pay Off Your Mortgage in 5 Years by Someone Who Did It In 3).

The "poverty mentality" thing is really just how you look at keeping Old Style. Do you see it as the way to help you save towards your next goal or do you see it as a punishment? It is not an end in itself, it is just a means towards an end.

The real secret of Old Style is working out how to live a champagne lifestyle on a white wine budget while only spending beer money. There are plenty of people out there who earn huge salaries but who are drowning in debt while trying to maintain the appearance of wealth. Old Style is a way to avoid that madness.

the.fantastic.mrs.fox

Disagree.
My thinking poor has got DH back into university so that we can improve our lives before we start to look at having children and things.
I will continue to think like this once he graduates as I can see it leading to a cushion in my bank for emergencies and holidays where ever I want to go.
In other words- my "poverty mentality" is going to give me the world.