Should my boyfriend pay my rent to my parents?

jamespir

surely he pay the rent to you and you give 15% of that to your parents instead of him paying rent to you and to the parents as well

FunnySaving

If your parents are getting 15% of what your boyfriend pays, then surely this should count against the capital which you owe them that's currently tied up in the house, therefore releasing you of your debt to them as you go...?

Wickedkitten

Personally, instead of having him pay half the mortgage, I would take that amount and put it to the side until you have enough to break even, sell the house, give your parents their 15% and then rent a place together where you are out from under their thumbs and can start fresh.

Lil_Me_2

Exactly what Jamespir says is what we agreed when I moved into my OHs house on the same set up as you. I paid him rent, and since his parents owned 20% of the house 20% of my rent went to them. They subsidised him because he's their son, but I wouldn't expect them to do the same for me.

When you consider that you've just halved your outgoings by your bf moving it, you're still going to be better off even if you give a little back to your parents.

When I eventually bought into the house a couple years ago, as a couple we decided to compensate his parents for keeping their money so generously in the house. We pay them the equivalent of what they would get per year if they had put their money in a savings account. We don't feel like we "owe" them anything and they can't dictate anything to us.

New_to_Avon

Lil_Me wrote: »

Exactly what Jamespir says is what we agreed when I moved into my OHs house on the same set up as you. I paid him rent, and since his parents owned 20% of the house 20% of my rent went to them. They subsidised him because he's their son, but I wouldn't expect them to do the same for me.

When you consider that you've just halved your outgoings by your bf moving it, you're still going to be better off even if you give a little back to your parents.

When I eventually bought into the house a couple years ago, as a couple we decided to compensate his parents for keeping their money so generously in the house. We pay them the equivalent of what they would get per year if they had put their money in a savings account. We don't feel like we "owe" them anything and they can't dictate anything to us.

This seems like it may work, but I have a question for you - did you pay your OH the going rate for renting his whole house? My parents are insisting on 15% of the going rate for renting my whole house which is about £600 a month. Or did you pay your OH HALF of the going rent, then paid his parents 20% of that?

I could maybe see how that is fair, if I ask him to pay half the going rent (£300), then pay my parents 15% of that (£45). I wouldn't then ask him to pay towards the mortgage or house maintenance as £255 is more than half the mortgage that I pay. I would have to save that to cover maintenance costs on the house, in the same way a landlord would.

I had no idea moving in with someone could be so fraught with problems, we thought it would make our lives easier but its giving us a big headache right now!

Thanks for everyone's posts, we are reading them with interest and its helping us think about different solutions to this dilemma. Ultimately we do love each other and want to spend out lives together so its got to be worth it!

Acc72

pleasedelete wrote: »

I think I would consider selling. Taking the loss. Walking away and buying a new house in the future with the bf.

Sounds like your parents treat you like a child and want to control your life.

Never mix family and business (investments).

I generally agree with the above, however ........

You don't mention your age, how long you and your boyfriend have been together, do you have any siblings (if so, do they have a similar arrangement with them), have they always liked to control what you do etc. etc.

podperson

New_to_Avon wrote: »

I could maybe see how that is fair, if I ask him to pay half the going rent (£300), then pay my parents 15% of that (£45). I wouldn't then ask him to pay towards the mortgage or house maintenance as £255 is more than half the mortgage that I pay. I would have to save that to cover maintenance costs on the house, in the same way a landlord would.
QUOTE]

Based on what you say here - if you think it's reasonable to ask him for £300 (50% of the going rent) then pay 15% of the whole to your parents out of that amount. So you pay them £90 and you have £210 towards the mortgage/maintenance costs which sounds like it should be about right if £255 is 'more then half'.

Tbh in the long run though it does sound like as long as you're in this house your parents will feel they have a right to try and control your life. You know them best - are they usually controlling, are they doing it to be a bit petty as they don't like your bf or are they genuinely concerned that you might get taken advantage of and are hoping this might help. If it's the later then things might improve in time if they can see that he is genuine and is going to stick around - if it's the former then probably not much to be done

Mojisola

New_to_Avon wrote: »

This seems like it may work, but I have a question for you - did you pay your OH the going rate for renting his whole house? My parents are insisting on 15% of the going rate for renting my whole house which is about £600 a month. Or did you pay your OH HALF of the going rent, then paid his parents 20% of that?

I could maybe see how that is fair, if I ask him to pay half the going rent (£300), then pay my parents 15% of that (£45). I wouldn't then ask him to pay towards the mortgage or house maintenance as £255 is more than half the mortgage that I pay. I would have to save that to cover maintenance costs on the house, in the same way a landlord would.

I think your parents are being very unreasonable. If they were landlords, they couldn't get away with charging one person as if he lived alone in the house when it was being shared!

I can't understand why they were happy to see no return on their "share" of your house until it was sold but are now insisting on a monthly income from it unless it's purely spite because they don't like your BF.

Between you and your BF, you had come up with a very fair arrangement. I would hand over whatever your parents are demanding without telling them how you've organised it. Your personal financial affairs are no business of theirs.

emsywoo123

And what would happen if you just said no?

zzzLazyDaisy

Okay, this is my two-pennorth (for what it is worth).

OP if you own the house in your sole name, then what your parents have done is to lend you some money to buy your house (and to do the renovations, if that is the case). The loan is between you and your parents and does not concern anyone else. Your parents do not own any part of the house, so they are not entitled to ask for any rent from your BF. In the same way, they cannot use the loan to somehow impose an obligation on him, because he is not, and never was, a party to the loan. Any arrangement with your BF is between you and him only - they have no say in it. The arrangement and agreements about the loan should be set out in the trust deed, and if the trust deed states that if you take a lodger/move a bf in/ get married / or in some other way share the house with someone, then you must start to repay the loan, or interest, to your parents, then that is what you must do - but even then, that cannot involve him directly, because he is not a party to the trust deed.

On the other hand, if your parents actually owned a share of the house (in other words it was bought in joint names between you and your parents) then they would be entitled to ask for rent on their share - although even then I would argue that while they would be entitled to ask for the going rent on their 15% share, they could only ask for half of that amount, since they would be allowing you to live there rent free (unless they also wanted to start charging you your half of the rent on their share of the house).

So provided the house is in your name only, then I would make it clear that any payments are between you and them and do not concern your bf, and that any arrangements between you and him are your business and simply don't discuss this with them. You are not a little girl, you are a grown woman and you do not have to discuss your private affairs with them.

You may want to offer to start repaying the loan in monthly installments - or if they insist on money that is not part of the capital, tell them that they must work out how much interest they want you to pay on the loan, and that you will pay that amount to them - but that whatever money they want must be an arrangement between you and them because he is not, never was, and never will be, a party to the loan between you and them, and he also has no rights or responsibilities over the house and you want to keep it that way. He is there as your guest, and if they want to discuss money that is a separate matter and they must talk to you and leave him out of it.

As a by-the-by.... from a legal point of view, I would suggest that you do not allow him to pay any part of the mortgage directly. Whatever payment you agree between you, he should give the money directly to you, and I would advice you simply to call it 'his contribution' to the bills and upkeep of the house, and steer clear of any suggestion that he is paying the mortgage. This remains your sole responsibility, and there are good legal reasons for keeping it that way.

Good luck!

Dx