Advice with 24hr care....

margaretclare

SandraScarlett wrote: »

I don't know why people are amazed that she could have £100,000, even though I know you added an extra nought! When my Mum had to go into a care home, 23 years ago, she only had about £1,000 - but she had a house. And that had to be sold, and the accumulated fees were deducted from the proceeds of the sale.

When the house was sold, the balance of the money went into her bank account to fund the remaining years she was in the home. Fortunately, the interest rates favoured savers then, but anyone in the same position now, would be hard pushed to "invest wisely", as someone suggested and get sufficient return on their money to fund care home fees!

My Mum was paying £1750 a month in 1996 (Epping, Essex) and I have no idea how much the fees are now, but if you have £100,000, it's not going to last indefinitely.

Unless people are in the position of looking into Care Homes, they have very little idea how much they cost - and why should they? But if people don't have their own home, and have stuck their money under the mattress, or had a great life and spent it all, they're far better off!

xx

Invest it wisely - I was the one who said that.

I agree about interest rates in normal savings accounts, but my stocks-and-shares ISA is doing very nicely thank you. I'll soon have a total of £10K, and that is just from savings in retirement.

Torry_Quine

SandraScarlett wrote: »

I don't know why people are amazed that she could have £100,000, even though I know you added an extra nought! When my Mum had to go into a care home, 23 years ago, she only had about £1,000 - but she had a house. And that had to be sold, and the accumulated fees were deducted from the proceeds of the sale.

It's not that people were amazed that she could have had £100K. It was the fact that the OP said it was a small amount of money (now corrected).

margaretclare

Torry_Quine wrote: »

It's not that people were amazed that she could have had £100K. It was the fact that the OP said it was a small amount of money (now corrected).

And also, it was *money* that was specified, no mention of a house.

winterwhite11

why can,t one of the children look after her at home.
you can give up your job and pay yourself instead of the carehome
my mum used to be a worker in a care home and the paying guests used to pay about £1500 a week
she said most of the children never bothered with the parents except to come in once a month to collect the pensions

lallysmum

winterwhite11 wrote: »

why can,t one of the children look after her at home.
you can give up your job and pay yourself instead of the carehome
my mum used to be a worker in a care home and the paying guests used to pay about £1500 a week
she said most of the children never bothered with the parents except to come in once a month to collect the pensions

Probably because not everyone is cut out to be a carer. And you can't "pay yourself" from your mother's money as that can come back to haunt you if and when she finally does have to go into a home. You would have to account for every single penny that you have spent. You can use her money to buy her things that she needs, but not stuff (or bills) that you have. Carer's allowance is around £280 a month. Could you manage on that?

And forget just the money. Could you guarantee to care for your mother without a break for 24 hours a day? Literally. Not leave her to go out shopping, coffee with friends, take your children out for a day?

It is a massive decision to care for a parent, particularly one who has any form of mental function loss like Alzheimers or Dementia. Not something one would do just to save on Care Home fees.

My mother's fees are £453.10 per week (Essex) and that is in an excellent council run home.

margaretclare

lallysmum wrote: »

Probably because not everyone is cut out to be a carer. And you can't "pay yourself" from your mother's money as that can come back to haunt you if and when she finally does have to go into a home. You would have to account for every single penny that you have spent. You can use her money to buy her things that she needs, but not stuff (or bills) that you have. Carer's allowance is around £280 a month. Could you manage on that?

And forget just the money. Could you guarantee to care for your mother without a break for 24 hours a day? Literally. Not leave her to go out shopping, coffee with friends, take your children out for a day?

It is a massive decision to care for a parent, particularly one who has any form of mental function loss like Alzheimers or Dementia. Not something one would do just to save on Care Home fees.

My mother's fees are £453.10 per week (Essex) and that is in an excellent council run home.

I agree wholeheartedly. The OP said that Mum has been cared for at home by herself and her brother for 15 years. Now her condition has deteriorated, she's in hospital but needs a longer-term option. Talking about 'never bothering with their relatives, coming only to collect the pension' is at one end of the spectrum, 24-hour care one-to-one is an entirely different ball-game. Not something I would wish on my worst enemy. The OP said 'she is very stubborn' - this can mean that she's very difficult to deal with, on top of all the physical care she needs. 15 years? Deserving of a medal IMHO. Even with my nursing background I could not have done it.

If she's self-funding she gets to keep her AA to put towards the costs, if she's funded by the taxpayer she loses it.

lallysmum

Exactly.. and I don't think you can just "collect the pension." My mother's pension is paid into her bank account and I then pay the care home fees from that. I had to sign a form stating that I would be responsible for the fees in the event of mum not paying them. If the resident's child came simply to collect (aka steal) a pension, I'm pretty sure they'd be in massive trouble!

Sorry if I come across a little out of line, but I have only just stopped caring for my mum, similar situation to the OP, she was my responsibilty for years and I am slightly passionate about people knowing the reality of actual care. It's all very well to say that a good child would care for their parents, but it isn't just like having another adult in the house, someone who could help with childcare in a pinch, or someone to cook a meal whilst you are out at work. It can be soul destroying hard work. You lose the parent/child relationship you had and become carer and caree. It's horrible.
There are no circumstances on earth in which I'd allow either one of my children to look after me. Never.

Mojisola

lallysmum wrote: »

And you can't "pay yourself" from your mother's money

I don't understand this bit. If someone wants to pay for a carer, they can. It doesn't matter if that carer is a relative.

SandraScarlett

Unless you've looked after somebody all day, every day, who has a deteriorating condition, you really don't have a clue what the reality is like.

The OP has done a wonderful job by looking after her Mum for so long. My DH has Multiple System Atrophy, which includes Alzheimers and Parkinsons, and has deriorated over the past 5 years. I hope I can look after him for as long as necessary, but if anything happened to me, there is no way my kids could take over.

I do hope the OP gets all the help she can, and my sympathies go to any carers.

xx

Savvy_Sue

Mojisola wrote: »

I don't understand this bit. If someone wants to pay for a carer, they can. It doesn't matter if that carer is a relative.

But it presupposes that the person paying has 'capacity' to do so, or has given PofA to the carer. And if the carer has PofA, there MIGHT be questions asked over the amount the carer has been paid / paid themselves.