Please, please tell me what to say to my son!!

flecker

Travelling *might* be a good way for him to learn about money. At his age, I set off travelling with a few hundred quid, intending to travel for four months. I loved it so much that I learned to live off a pound or two a day, as well as finding random bits of work all over the world, and was away for two years. Came back, got a job for a year, saved like mad, travelled for another two years. Repeated several times until my early thirties when I came back and settled down. It taught me to budget, save and be completely self-reliant financially.

(For what it's worth, I never had a problem getting jobs when I returned and I didn't have a problem setting out on a career in my early thirties, and soon caught up with my peers. If you approach it right, travelling can give you useful / employable skills - eg I learned five languages. So try not to worry too much about what happens when he gets back - easier said than done, I know! My poor Mum...)

There are ways he can do this without the loan. Super shoestring travelling, or stopping somewhere on the way to work for a couple of months or maybe, if you're in a position to, you could match what he *saves* (not earns) between now and May, or leaving a month after his friends so he can save more.

Anyway, good luck to you, and him!

BitterAndTwisted

Both you and your husband know and I know too that this is a crazy madcap scheme. What seems obvious to me is that your having bailed him out of the mire in the past has been proven to have taught him nothing about financial responsibility. You thought you were helping him in the best way you could but he learned zero.

You absolutely need to ensure that he understands that should he borrow money for this trip you have sorted his problems out for him for the very last time already. That you will not be lending him a farthing towards this loan when he comes back. I feel quite sure by the way that he won't get it. I sincerely hope that I am right.

You can't save him from himself and his own poor decisions forever. He needs to understand that you won't do any saving again or he will continue to learn nothing. Nothing at all.

Memory_Girl

Its a toughie - but I would be tempted the cook him a lovely dinner, lift a glass to toast the fact that he is "leaving a boy, but returning a man - completely responsible for his own financial future"

That means no moving home and no being subbed out by parents as you now consider your job done now that he has enough independence to fly the nest. Stress how much you understand that a few months standing on his own two feet is exactly what he needs right now - to be completely self-reliant and not a wee lad any more and the skills he learns will stand him in good stead for the next phase of his life - living out n his own.

Then turn the conversation around to what he intends to see when he is away and what he intends to do with the rest of his life when he returns.

MG

BTW My Mum has pointed out that he is going in May - so may have met a girl by then and wont bother LOL

quantic

I'm slightly older than your son but had a similar dilemma myself when I was his age, I decided not to go traveling, based on what everyone else said and pressure from my parents to get a job, house etc... I am now settled in my house, got around 30k equity, no debt and a secure job.

Surprisingly, given the choice again, I think I would go traveling... getting a loan he cannot repay is dodgy and I don't agree with that - but even in an economy like this, I don't think sticking to a career that he hates will do him any long term favours, if he does he will be miserable regardless of if he has debt or not.