aarrrghhhh

emmaBZ

kelpie35 wrote: »

I am interested to know where he gets the money to drink if he is unemployed

basically its money he got for xmas ect, but thats all gone now and i told him theres no way we can afford him to do this now! so he says im too controlling over money ! well i guess theres more arguments to come then !:(

Hanging_by_a_thread

For the moment is there any way that the time you help your gran could be changed till the children are at school? I realise some people require help to get up and dressed, have breakfast etc, so this may not be practical. Until your husband is willing to get up and sort the children out they will be at risk while you are out though. As I am sure you are only to painfully aware.

I dont think it is okay that you cant rely on him and are effectively landed with more responsibility and things to cope with. However it may be the only way to gaurantee that your children are up, dressed, fed and kept safe before going off to school.

emmaBZ

Hanging_by_a_thread wrote: »

For the moment is there any way that the time you help your gran could be changed till the children are at school? I realise some people require help to get up and dressed, have breakfast etc, so this may not be practical. Until your husband is willing to get up and sort the children out they will be at risk while you are out though. As I am sure you are only to painfully aware.

I dont think it is okay that you cant rely on him and are effectively landed with more responsibility and things to cope with. However it may be the only way to gaurantee that your children are up, dressed, fed and kept safe before going off to school.

i know i did say this to him this morning, it just winds me up

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

It sounds as if your OH not only has a drink problem but may already be an alcoholic. If he's drinking this much that you know about, in reality it may be be considerably more.

Yes, absolutely. No normal, reasonable, non addicted parent leaves small children unattended sleeping off the excesses of the night before.


You'd be surprised how much someone can pack away in 45 minutes - about 8 measures of spirits plus a pint is easily possible. Then there are the ones in the evening. And the ones on the way to his acting club, so he's a bit late there (assuming he really goes) and could have had another 2 doubles, plus the ones afterwards.


A alcoholic can do 18 units in under half an hour, just by drinking 4 cans of strong lager (or 4 cans of Stella plus a shot of vodka and, unless you measure out the vodka for him, he's probably having 2 or 3 shots in one).

I'll try and work out rough amounts, being generous to him.

2 pints Stella & 2 large shots vodka before picking kids up = about 9 units x 5 days/week = 45 units

1 pint Stella & 1 large shot vodka before dramatics = about 4.5 units x 2 days a week = 9 units

2 strong ciders each evening after dinner = 6 units x 5 days/week = 30 units

5 large vodkas a night when cider isn't around = 13 units x 2 days/week = 26 units

Three pints of Stella after dramatics (assuming no further spirits are drunk) = 9 units x 2 times/week = 18 units



That's 126 units a week.

Hanging_by_a_thread

I think your feelings are completely natural OP. Worst case scenario here but something else has crossed my mind. If this situation with your husband not looking after the kids whilst you are out continues, at some point one of them could get seriously hurt.

They might fall down the stairs and break bones or at the very least get bruises, burn themselves or get a scald from a kettle. All things that can happen without them being naughty or running amock, just not big enough or capable enough of doing certain things for themselves. Any of the resulting marks on a child would raise worries and concerns at your childrens schools. It wouldn't take much for them to investigate what is going on.

Your husbands current behaviour makes the risk of this more of a possibility.

Errata

He's a drinker. He doesn't give a !!!! about his kids safety. Five months ago he was txting a woman 100 times in two days. How much more of his nonsense are you going to put up with before you send him back to his mum?

claire16c

You need to stop leaving your children with him. If hes asleep in bed drunk and letting them cut themselves, you may as well be leaving them in the house alone and Im assuming you wouldnt do that?

His behaviour is not normal.

Hes going to be unemployed for a lot longer too, if he keeps this up, so i cant see anything changing unless you do something about it.

Oldernotwiser

Is it possible that he lost his job because of his drinking?

Does he drive?

Gingernutty

emmaBZ wrote: »

thing is he always makes me feel like im nagging him ! i think he has a drink problem he doesnt drink loads but every day almost ! he says im over reacting,
am i ?

emmaBZ wrote: »

no he had a habit of just popping in pub on the way back from work, so not a new thing, he says its just an hour or so for himself which i dont have a problem with, him having time for him but i dont get any ME time !

emmaBZ wrote: »

basically its money he got for xmas ect, but thats all gone now and i told him theres no way we can afford him to do this now! so he says im too controlling over money ! well i guess theres more arguments to come then !:(

He's spending money on alcohol when he's unemployed and the family can't afford it, is neglecting the children to sleep off the previous night's session, can't handle the thought of not having any booze around the house and is rowing with you over his inability to afford his addiction.

And he's turning it around and blaming you. You're nagging. You're controlling. You'll be bullying him next.

It's not you. He's an alcoholic.

He may have gotten into the habit of going to the pub after work, but he's not at work anymore is he?

He's at home all day - that's his 'me' time. What is he doing to find other work? Has he given up entirely?

Ames

My mum was an alcoholic and he sounds a lot like her. Especially the not getting up to get us to school on a morning.

A lot of people think that 'alcoholic' means drinking constantly. It doesn't. It means having to drink and not being able to stop. It doesn't mean being drunk all the time either. Chances are he's built up his tolerance, so can drink a lot without being drunk.

By the time my dad realised what was happening and my parents split up, me and sister had had a crap time for years. So please don't get into your head that it's best for the children to stay together, because that's not necessarily the case.