aarrrghhhh

emmaBZ

hi sorry rant time !!! my OH has been out of work since sept and is getting very down, he pops in the pub every day before getting the children from school, hes only in there for 45 min max, so prob just a pint, but it seems like he cant go past the pub with out going in, if he doesnt have any cider at home he will start on the vodka ect,
or just as hes going out to amature dramatics twice a week he will down a pint with a shot of vodka in before he goes, then after he will go to pub and not get home till midnight.
any way i go out in morning at 7am, to help my gran, im only out of the house for an hour but he doesnt get up so our 7 and 3 yr old are downstairs alone, whilst hes fast asleep this all came to a head when i got in last week and my 3 yr old had cut his hand with a sharp knife trying to get himself some cucumber !( only a scratch really but could of been so much worse ! ) but i went mad saying he should been watchin kids ect, he agreed , anyway that only lasted 3 days ! thing is he always makes me feel like im nagging him ! i think he has a drink problem he doesnt drink loads but every day almost ! he says im over reacting,
am i ?
we have 4 children, the older sort themselves out for school ect but i am back at 8am and the little ones are still in pjs have had no breakfast and are not ready for school !
i am getting so anoyed at him i love him but dont like him at the minute ! we had a major row today and i told him i might aswell be single as i do everything anyway ! and basically told him to sort himself out or thats it !
aaarrrgggghhhh !!!!! :mad::mad::mad:

pyjamadays

if he's not working he should do more with the kids. my ex was very similar so I know how you feel, although he didn't drink. sounds a bit like your husband is using drink to boost his confidence a bit, he might feel dented with being out of work. maybe a bit depressed?

Oldernotwiser

It sounds as if your OH not only has a drink problem but may already be an alcoholic. If he's drinking this much that you know about, in reality it may be be considerably more.

tinktinktinkerbell

no, i do not think you are over reacting, he should be doing his bit with the kids HIS and your kids, if you're working and hes not then he should be looking after the kids and doing things around the house

i also agree with oldernotwiser he may already be an alcoholic

did this just start when he lost his job or was he drinking before that?

emmaBZ

no he had a habit of just popping in pub on the way back from work, so not a new thing, he says its just an hour or so for himself which i dont have a problem with, him having time for him but i dont get any ME time !

Sambucus_Nigra

He picks the kids up after an hour at the pub? And you let him?

Hanging_by_a_thread

An ex partner of mine started behaving in a similar manner to your husband when he was out of work for a time a few years back. He became more and more depressed about not being able to find a new job. Every application he made that was not responded to, every interview he had that went no further was like a kick in the teeth to him and a major knock to his confidence.

I dont know your husband but it sounds to me like he could be suffering from depression and low self esteem. I dont think he has a major drink problem yet, but it could end up that way, unless he faces up to how he feels and seeks help. It is almost like before being able to face doing anything he needs that drink. That shot of alcohol to chill him out and give him a bit of a buzz. If he doesn't seek help and find other ways of boosting his confidence and self-esteem then he could be heading toward a slippery slope.

It must be very concerning that the children are being left to their own devices. The fact that your little one had an accident with a knife, albeit not serious this time, would be enough of a close call for most people to rethink leaving the kids alone. I think alot of people have gone through times when the alarm goes off and the last thing they feel like doing is getting up and facing the day.

All I can advise is that you have a really straight chat with him. I can relate to how you are feeling and how frustarting and exhausting it must all be. When you talk to him dont expect for him to be thinking completely straight. If he is suffering from anxiety and stress his sense of reasoning and ability to see any way forward may be impaired. Especially if he has had a drink. Try to stay really calm with him and be his rock. Everyone has different threshholds over what they can cope with, it sounds to me as if he has reached his and his current beahviour is a cry for help.

Keep coming on here and getting as much support as you can. I have been reading these boards for months and have just recently plucked up the courage to join in and add my views. People seem really friendly and knowledgeable so hopefully they will give you lots of useful advice

peachyprice

emmaBZ wrote: »

no he had a habit of just popping in pub on the way back from work, so not a new thing, he says its just an hour or so for himself which i dont have a problem with, him having time for him but i dont get any ME time !

He has all freaking day 'for himself'!

If he has to go to the pub, if he has to have a pint and a shot before amdram, if he has to have cider in the house at all times to stop him hitting the vodka, he has a problem. Being an alcoholic doesn't mean being ratted all the time, some alcoholics lead a normal life with a constant low level of consumption.

Also you don't know how much he's drinking that you don't see. You can bet your bottom dollar he's hiding alot more from you, alcoholics are like that.

emmaBZ

yeah well since i found out i just collect them obviously !

kelpie35

I am interested to know where he gets the money to drink if he is unemployed

thatgirlsam

He sounds like a functioning alcoholic to me

Why does he need a drink before his amdramatics group? Especially when he knows he will be going for one after.. sounds like he has got into a really bad habit

He probably does have low self esteem but self medicating is not the answer!

Also, leaving a small child unsupervised who then cuts himself while trying to get some food totally unacceptable (not you, him!)

Its very hard to change someone like this, been there, done that, single now