Help please - need outside perspective

2012pseudonym

I've re-registered with a different name just for this post, I'm sure you'll understand why shortly.

I'm struggling to untangle lots of issues and work out how to deal with "things".

As a little background, I have a history of mild depression, manifesting as isolation/withdrawal from friends, comfort eating, and sometimes self harm. Various things have happened to me over the years, such as being mugged, threatened, racial abuse, followed home, cheated on, raped, so-called-friends taking the mick... I struggle to trust and to talk about things like this. My general approach is to ram it all to the back of my mind and carry on, showing no fear or pain.

Last year I found myself unexpectedly pregnant. Short story - I panicked, naturally, and the "father" basically bullied me into getting a termination. Yes, I signed on the dotted line, but he was relentless at a time where I needed some space to think. It was a physically traumatic procedure, and apparently sobbing through all the Dr/nurse appointments saying "I don't want to do this" is not heeded as someone needing more time/help.
I have a medical condition which often causes fertility problems, so that was even more of a surprise but also leaves me with the terror that I have scuppered my only chance.

I shortly began a new job, and before settling in suffered an injury which leaves me unable to work. Well, I can't safely do *my* job, and they can only find 1-2 days worth of alternative work for me. The rest of the week I'm on SSP. The housing benefit I receive doesn't cover the full rent, so SSP goes towards that. I have a couple of months before I hit my overdraft limit... The problem is that the injury is not healing.

What if I can never do my job?
Do I then give up my home, my career, and try to start again (again!)
Do I wait until I'm evicted for rent arrears (good luck finding anywhere to rent again!)
I feel like I'm being punished for what I did...it's nearly my "due date" and all I want is the baby I should have been protecting.
I know I can't just run away, it's taken me years to find a career I want, but how long can I wait? And wouldn't it be easier for me to hand in notice so they can employ someone who CAN do the work?

MrsManda

I didn't want to read and run *lots of hugs*

Are you seeing someone (GP, mental health team, counsellor...) about your depression and the emotional trauma you've suffered?

What is the prognosis with regards to your physical injuries? If they're likely to heal and your doctor is happy for you to do some work then it's probably better for your mental health to stay working.

With regards to your rent, could you move to a smaller/cheaper place?

Have you spoken to a benefits advisor to ensure you're claiming everything you are entitled to or at least filled out one of the online benefits calculators?
http://www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx

https://www.dwpe-services.direct.gov.uk/portal/page/portal/ba/lp?_piref278_36249_278_36248_36248.__ora_navig=

If you have care and/or mobility needs then you can claim Disability Living Allowance - this isn't an out of work benefit nor is it means tested.

I'm sorry about all the questions but it seems that you really need more help and support than you're currently getting.
It must be hard but try not to bottle things up, people cannot help you if they don't know exactly what's going on.

*many hugs*

BitterAndTwisted

This injury: do not resign if you think you may not be entitled to JSA. Quitting a job is usually treated as making yourself unemployed and you may not get a penny. Look into this.

I don't know what work you do but is there anything associate with it that you may be able to get a few more hours doing?

Do you live on your own and have a spare bedroom? Any possibility of seeing if you could yourself a lodger?

Get yourself down to your GP and see what help is available. If you're signed off as too ill to work, you might qualify for other benefits somehow. You sound like you need a helping-hand from there in any case. Possibly quite urgently as I think you have a lot to carry on only one small pair of shoulders.

2012pseudonym

Thank you

The injury is not technically severe, it just impacts physical work/lifting/manual handling - which is the vast majority of my normal work. There is an "appeal" at the office to find more work! I'm just feeling guilty that I can't do what I'm being paid for, and they're very short on staff/time.
I'm seeing a surgeon next week. It is healing, but there are complications that are slowing it right down. I just keep weighing up how long I can pay rent on this income.
I did claim WTC but they are still trying to catch up from my starting the new job!!
In terms of renting, this is the cheapest place I could find that would accept my dog (who is needed for the job - and frankly at the moment is the only thing I have in my favour). I'm also tied into a year contract. No room for a lodger. I was told when I first looked to move here that the housing waiting lists were over-subscribed, and every other advert I saw was "no pets/no DSS".
I don't have a vehicle and there are no local shops, so I'm spending £5 a pop on buses to the hospital appts/combining with any grocery shopping. I'm sat here in gloves, hoody, and a hand-me-down slanket to try and keep warm.
I'm kicking myself for having just signed a year's contract for phone/internet!! (Cheap deal, but it's still a monthly bill).

When I read back my post, I would tell this person to seek medical/mental health help...but I tried therapy once a few years ago. I went to three or four sessions, the final one being when the therapist suggested that maybe the rapist "didn't intend to". And when I tried to talk to a local vicar about the following/racial abuse it was suggested that I "needed to understand their culture". So perhaps you can see why I have little faith in those who are supposed to help?

londoner01

I also didn't want to read and run even though I'm not sure I've got much to help with. Try again with seeking support - you may find a more sympathetic therapist this time.

Is there a job you could do on the side while you are too unwell for heavy lifting - office work or similar. Discuss your situation at work, maybe they can organise a secondment in some other office or some other company? (Depends on where you work).

motherofstudents

you have had some good advice. It sounds to me as if you have several things going on at once and if it was only one thing to deal with you would be ok. I think it is very commone for this to happen and all I could add to what others have said, is try to deal with one thing at a time. Do a small thing to start with and it won't seem as daunting, a bit like eating an elephant - a bit at a time. Don't leave your job voluntarily.

Loanranger

Please, please book an appointment to see your GP about how you are feeling. You are in need of support and this may be talking therapy or meds or both. I do think that it's the termination that you need to talk over with a counsellor to help you grieve properly.

BitterAndTwisted

If you feel that you haven't received the reception you wanted or need when you sought advice or counselling, seek some more. It's not the method but the people you didn't engage with, or more properly didn't engage with you adequately.

Who gives a flying whatever about what that bloody rapist intended to do or not! Eff that!

2012pseudonym

Thank you everyone, it really does mean a lot to me that you've replied

I've been trawling through emails/websites, and as my pay/SSP goes up for a few hours work, my LHA will go down correspondingly - not a surprise but it clarifies that I'm heading for trouble.
I have decided to ring some housing associations, I remembered one I've dealt with before that takes "private" applications as well as referrals from council. No harm getting the ball rolling.
I'm going to see if there are self-referred MH services too; my GP is one of those large ones where you see a different person every time, and if they speak English you're onto a winner. Which is fine for "look at this rash/infected cut" but not when I struggle to talk openly.

And now I'm going to walk the dog out to the park in the sun

missmontana

I don't know where you are but we have this in our area, my doc suggested it to me, there's a link for other areas x

http://talkingchange.org.uk/

Vixie_Pixie

Hello.

I just read your situation and I wish I could give you a massive hug!! What happened to you is more than awful and its shocking that you have not received the guidance and assistance you really need.

In terms of your Housing Benefit, have you requested a "discretionary housing payment"? All Local Authority's offer this scheme to people who have a shortfall in their rental payments. They look at your entire income and expenditure and aim to give additional assistance. They arent guaranteed and if refused bear no rights of appeal. HOWEVER, there is no harm in putting a request in

In terms of your mental health and the trauma you have suffered, have you tried contacting the charity MIND? I know many people who receive fantastic help from them. http://www.mind.org.uk/

They will also be able to refer you to organisations who may be able to give you all the support you need.

I advise you not to give up on your work. Fingers and toes crossed that your injury will heal successfully and you will be able to phase yourself back into your work. Do not resign as you may not be able to claim Jobseekers Allowance. If you were to claim Employment and Support Allowance you are likely to be worse off as your SSP is probably more.

I also find that Citizen's Advice Bureau are great for financial/welfare/housing issues and should be able to help you.

Also, have you asked at work about maybe seeing an Occupational Health Doctor? That way you may be able to see the same person each time and they will also be able to put a plan of action into place to help you and your needs both physically and mentally.

I wish you all the luck in the world and i sincerely hope that all this anguish ends for you soon. I know its easier said than done but try and put your focus on the things you love doing, even if it is just taking a walk in the park with your dog. Use those moments to clear your mind - even if it is only for a little while