How to cope with being a single parent? :'(

ellay864

Yes it does get easier. My boys were 7 and 5 when me and my ex split up. I was luckier in that they went to his every other weekend but I often found that harder as I had nothing to occupy myself when I didn't have them there. I spent pretty much every weekday evening and a lot of the child-free weeeknds on the internet, using chat rooms just to have some contact with people and I met my now hubby on there
You obviously work a long week - is there any way you could reduce your hours a bit so you have more time at home, you'd maybe be a bit more relaxed. If you could do that maybe you could join some kind of club, take up an activity - I have met some great friends through taking up belly dancing at the age of 40-something. Do you have any branches of Gingerbread (is that still going?) or similar for single parents? That's something where you can socialise and take kids along as you're all in the same position.
It will get easier I promise - hang on in there and good luck x

zoesmummy_2006

it does get easier hun, my kids were the same age as yours when my ex husband left. All i remember of those first few months is the desperateness i felt, the tears, the numbness and how like a robot i was. I did everything my children required, i functioned as normal for them, but the second they were in bed I used to go to bed and cry. I couldnt even say I cried myself to sleep as sleep evaded me for weeks.

Im now almost 2.5 years down the line, i divorced him, myself and the kids have a nice home finally and are settled and getting on with our lives. My lifes not exciting, but im happy with it. My ex now has the kids every wed night and every weekend sat-mon and those nights i generally just pamper myself, this evening ive had a hot bath, deep conditioned my hair, face mask etc-proper girlie stuff. Most evening consist of watching what i want on tv-oooohhhhh how i relish that now lol, i can watch the football whenever i want without being moaned at (ex hated it and moaned if i wanted to watch a match), i can watch whatever programmes/films i want.

Im lucky in that i have my parents very close by and they love to have the kids, they babysit every tuesday night as ive just taken up kickboxing as a way to get fit, get out and socialise. Its also a great stress reliever lol.

I wouldnt have gotton through that first year without the support of my family and friends, if you have yours around you make the most of that xxxx

jojo_2012_2

mazza111 wrote: »

I thought after the kids, all I had to look forward to was Eastenders. Totally depressed on a Wednesday :rotfl:

I thought I was the only one!

But seriously it gets easier. Think of the freedoms you have now he's out of your life.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

You suddenly will realise 'Hang on! I have money!' because it's not propping up his addictions.

'Hang on! I'm not coming home dreading what state he will be in on the couch or whether he is going to pick a fight so he can flounce off to the offy/pub/wherever'

'Hang on! I'm not taking responsibility for his moods and actions and having to micromanage everything because it's all about him anymore'

'Hang on! I can go out with the children, I can go and have a bath without being accused of neglecting him and his needs. I can buy mouthwash with ethanol in it and a whole crate of wine/spirits/beer and leave them in the cupboard and not have to get them out. Or I can buy pure fruit juice, the poshest in the shop, and it's still not costing as much as funding his addictions'

'Hang on! I am free to speak to other people, to focus on anything but him. I can talk and flirt with a man who isn't mentally ill and doesn't drink himself into oblivion, and grab a coffee if I like, then go home to my lovely children who will, for the first time, not have to take third place to booze and illness.'



Then you will realise just how free you are of all the crap you and your children have endured from this person and you'll never want them to suffer again.

Tuesday_Tenor

Aimee's Mum

I've just read your posts about how you tried to leave your partner last March (remember reading it at the time) and his suicide attempt in December (which I hadn't seen before).

You have been through SO much with this man, supporting him. Good on you for trying. For his own sake I hope he gets well again, but I don't see how you can ever trust that he will be an adequate partner for you even though I hope he is later able to re-build a relationship with his children.

You still have a lot on your plate, working full-time and bringing up your children.

>>> The last few nights I have went to bed at 8pm and just cried myself to sleep. I'm not surprised. You must be physically and emotionally exhausted. Don't be too hard on yourself. You must allow yourself a bit of time to come to terms with all that has happened. You said in a previous post that the next 3 months will be difficult. Yes, you know that. It will pass.

>>>> I don't want to feel sorry for myself anymore - Good, though it's quite understandable that you have done.

With pre-school children and no family/friends to turn to, it's not going to be easy, but nothing stays the same. It will get better. You have turned the corner and are entering a new life.

I just wanted to offer best wishes and hugs, though realise your situation is so way out of my own experience that I may not have much practical to offer.
The 2 things that occur to me are:

1) Think of something that would be a real TREAT for you and the children to do together this weekend. Swimming? Park-feed ducks? Nothing too elaborate or long. Perhaps something that you've wanted to do, but was too difficult with your partner needing all the attention.
2) Contact Ginderbread to find out whether there is a network/group of single parents doing things in your area. Plus they'll be a reat resource on all sorts of issues. http://www.gingerbread.org.uk/

Remember that although the split will be beneficial, you're also grieving that the relationship couldn't be as you wished. Your emotions will be all over the place for a while yet. Don't beat yourself up for not functioning 100% all the time. You'll get through this.