Inlaws moving to live near us - how to manage for the best?

margaretclare

Errata wrote: »

Any problems FIL is being treated for will be in his notes, what he isn't being treated for won't be. He doesn't have to disclose to a new doctor he's having problems downstairs if he doesn't want to.

A routine health check on changing to a new GP practice is likely to cover only the basics: weight, blood-pressure, heart, anything obvious that they're already being treated for e.g. MIL's COPD.

'Why are older people so damn stubborn about health matters' i.e. in denial? I have no idea. It's not completely unusual to be 'in denial' at any age. Having symptoms for 5 months, as tom9980's Grandad had, is more unusual, though. Maybe it's a kind of resignation: 'they can't do anything anyway'. Or, as the OP's MIL puts it, just one of those things with ageing. Not at all, but try and convince some people and you're banging your head against a brick wall.

margaretclare

Mayflower10cat wrote: »

Thanks very much for the info, very helpful. FiL is 78 and MiL is 77. But they always seem way older than my parents, (their attitudes are 'older', too) who are far healthier and only a bit younger at 75 and 70.

DH and I are 77 and 76 respectively, and it amazes us how people we meet have this varying 'older or younger' attitude. We know people in their late 80s or even 90s who have a 'young' attitude, and people who are much younger who seem to have been born 'old', because they've never been any different!

Being just downright unpleasant, like your FIL, has nothing to do with age as such, nor has the faecal incontinence.

Mayflower10cat

margaretclare wrote: »

DH and I are 77 and 76 respectively, and it amazes us how people we meet have this varying 'older or younger' attitude. We know people in their late 80s or even 90s who have a 'young' attitude, and people who are much younger who seem to have been born 'old', because they've never been any different!

Being just downright unpleasant, like your FIL, has nothing to do with age as such, nor has the faecal incontinence.

Agree 100%!! Infact I just snorted with laughter! Even here we have friends in the village who are in their 80's yet still do volunteering, organise stalls for fairs and generally act half their age.

FiL, I always worry about because he seems so discontented with his lot in life, nothing really seems to make him happy. He's not interested in people, and as such comes across as very cold. So many others have plenty in their life to be miserable about occasionally, but he's really not one of them. OK his health isn't great, but if he'd kept doing gentle exercise and perhaps walking every day, maybe he wouldn't be so stiff. I wish the happiness fairy would wave her magic wand over him!!!

margaretclare

Mayflower10cat wrote: »

Agree 100%!! Infact I just snorted with laughter! Even here we have friends in the village who are in their 80's yet still do volunteering, organise stalls for fairs and generally act half their age.

FiL, I always worry about because he seems so discontented with his lot in life, nothing really seems to make him happy. He's not interested in people, and as such comes across as very cold. So many others have plenty in their life to be miserable about occasionally, but he's really not one of them. OK his health isn't great, but if he'd kept doing gentle exercise and perhaps walking every day, maybe he wouldn't be so stiff. I wish the happiness fairy would wave her magic wand over him!!!

'His health isn't great'. He should talk to my DH, who is in pain every single day of his life, yet every morning he looks out of the window and gives thanks for another day of life. Pain is from the 4 knee replacements he's had in his left knee - yes, 4 in the same knee between 2003 and 2009. One of them blew up an infection which went to septicaemia and nearly killed him. He's just glad that he's still here and that he has 2 legs to stand on, although he can't walk very far at all and when he does, he uses a crutch because that gives him better support than a walking-stick. Oh, and he copes with Type II diabetes which is almost a full-time job to stay as controlled as possible.

I was brought up by my aunt, who was a polio survivor and who spent most of her life, from age 21, sitting on the floor from where she did everything - cooked, baked, sewed, knitted, you name it. My mum went out scrubbing floors in other women's houses.

One of my favourite sayings comes from Woody Allen, who said: 'Life is a b***h, but it's better than the alternative'.

londonsurrey

I know what you mean about the happiness fairy. However, some people are comfortable in misery, be it their own or that of others.

The other thing to bear in mind, is that although MIL comes across as a victim, she's actually partially complicit in enabling him to stay the way he is. If she wasn't there, putting up with it all, and then bringing in recruits to help widen their circle a wee bit until he drives them away again, he would be left entirely by himself unless he found another "victim" or chose to stay alone, muttering unhappily, or had no choice but to buck up his ideas.