Desperate for help re: 5yo crying going to school

adamantine

claire16c wrote: »

If hes fine as soon as youre gone, can you try to get to the school as late as poss so that when you get there you he has to go straight in anyway with no hanging about? So there is literally no time for him to start getting upset?

and then maybe try to get there a bit earlier each day as time goes on if that were to work?

if your son is anything like mine this would only make it worse! my son panics that he will be late and get in trouble so we need to be there before everyone else.

Becles

I agree with the tough love comments. It does sound like attention seeking.

My eldest went through a complete nightmare drama queen phase. He used to cling on my leg and wail "waaaah don't leave me with these people" and stuff like that

The teacher said he was fine the second I left, and he was probably just doing it for attention.

I used to drag him in, dump him, say firmly "I'm going now, bye", quick kiss and leave without looking back.

It was really hard doing that and I'm guilty of having a few tears on the way home sometimes, but it worked and he soon snapped out of it.

claire16c

adamantine wrote: »

if your son is anything like mine this would only make it worse! my son panics that he will be late and get in trouble so we need to be there before everyone else.

Does he know hes late though?

The kids i look after have no idea what the time is, I can tell them we are late or early, they will believe it. Infact today one of them asked me to tell him we werent late (not that I needed to, we were early!) just cos I guess it makes him feel better as he was panicking we were late?! (which we never are!:rotfl:)

sassyblue

We already go last minute. :cool:

One of the things that we're not supposed to do at this school is go in the playground in the morning. I'm not sure if security is an issue with OFSTED but they're doing everything they can to improve their rating, so we say goodbye at the school gates and stand behind them. We can take them to the teacher if we need to speak to her or in the case when she suggested taking my son directly into her. This is so there isn't an untoward adult in the playground and for safety, the fact that there's never been any issue of this sort is irrelavant but yes when l think about it, it all stems from being told to stay behind the gates. Anyway he has to get used to this rule so we have to do it.

Adamantine, bless you! it's horrible isn't it? Although l agree with others it is attention seeking.

adamantine

claire16c wrote: »

Does he know hes late though?

The kids i look after have no idea what the time is, I can tell them we are late or early, they will believe it. Infact today one of them asked me to tell him we werent late (not that I needed to, we were early!) just cos I guess it makes him feel better as he was panicking we were late?! (which we never are!:rotfl:)

we were early today but because the playground was quite empty he started going "oh no we are late! the bells gone mummy!" even when i told him we were early not lete he still didnt 100% believe me and kept asking if i was sure.

adamantine

sassyblue wrote: »

Adamantine, bless you! it's horrible isn't it? Although l agree with others it is attention seeking.

totally is isnt it? its embarassing too though. he has said one or 2 of the other boys were calling him a baby coz he was crying so i went along and said something like "well none of the other boys and girls cry and your baby brother doesnt cry at nursery anymore either" and left him to think about that for a while.

today i waited till he went in the building then i turned and walked away where as normally if he is not holding a carry on he will wave from the window when he hangs up his jacket.

sat here trying to work out how to word what i say to him tonight.

brians_daughter

With my ds1 i got my friend to pick him up at the house and take him... i went through 7 months of screaming/crying every day.

Donna took him and he never cried once. He even commented "i had better go and play with James hadnt i seeing as mummy isnt here" the 2nd day she took him.

It worked well, she took mine and hers and i collected them, maybe an idea if you have someone you can trust?

If you havent i would just ignore it (best you can ) no reward charts, no comments just you take him, wave byebye tell him you will be waiting when he finishes school and walk off smiling (even though your heart will be breaking) once he realises its not a big deal for you and nothing actually happens/gets talked about he should soon realise it isnt worth the effort

claire16c

adamantine wrote: »

we were early today but because the playground was quite empty he started going "oh no we are late! the bells gone mummy!" even when i told him we were early not lete he still didnt 100% believe me and kept asking if i was sure.

Oh no The little boy i look after is so funny, if I tell him were not late then hes totally fine, he seems to just like it saying to him!

Weve only ever been late ONCE anywhere Ive taken them (so not sure why hes always thinking we might be), which was to a sports lesson, and he knew we were late, and said 'Claire are we late' And I said 'Yes but only 5 minutes.' Then he said 'Just tell me we arent late!' So I did and he was fine. kids are strange :rotfl:

I actually wish he would wear a watch then he wouldnt have to ask me what the time was every 5 mins!

heretolearn_2

When I was little I used to scream and cry and hang on to my mum with a death grip and two teachers used to have to prise me off and carry me in! So it's nothing new or terrible but it must be really hard to deal with as the mum.

Personally I'd stop paying so much attention to it with stickers and toys and things, it's something he will grow out of and the less attention it gets from everyone the better. On the tummy aches and things tell him that if he is really unwell then the school nurse will check him over and send him home again if it doesn't settle down - once he's there he'll forget about it.

Getting someone else to take him sounds like a good idea too, to break the habit.Or could you meet one of his friends and their mum to walk to school with, so he's so busy chatting and playing he doesn't notice the separation so much, he's already transferred his attention to the friend. And of course, if his friend goes in no problem, it's something for him to copy.

Gingham_R

Have you tried asking someone else to take him to school?

When our eldest had a hard time at school, he was less stressed about leaving his dad in the mornings and it broke a negative cycle.