Living With An Alcoholic Partner

VfM4meplse

make_me_wise wrote: »

Is the statement that 'stopping drinking can lead to him fitting and dying' really true. Has this been confirmed by a medical professional. I have never been or lived/worked with an alcoholic so dont know but this seems odd to me.

As Jojo has said, it's true but that wouldn't stop me from taking that risk. There are plently of NHS addiction services available if individuals really want to change, but why would anyone if they are being subsidised?

make_me_wise wrote: »

The fact is you cant affford to fund this addiction.

That is exactly the point. Why should the OP's incapacity benefit be funding her OH's addiction? Putting any money aside for it effectively sanctions the addiction. His selfishness is such that he seemingly doesn't care about the family's basic need to eat. OP, you are not helping him. All you are doing is making a rod for your own back.

TheCardcan

You know don't you that it's a huge mistake to find money for him to buy alcohol? You're not doing him or yourself any good. If you just stood back for a moment and took a look at your lives you would see that you're making his problem your own, when he is the only one who can actually do anything about it.Back to your question money saving tips. One I have for breakfast make your own porridge using the value range and making it with water. to buy 1lb of mince and cook it up with some stock cubes, onions and herbs. Monday have some of it with dumplings and whatever veg is cheapest. Tuesday add a tin of baked beans, Wednesday add a tin of red kidney beans and have it with pasta and save enough to have Thursday with dumplings. Friday you can have a change with eggs and home made chips. Saturday a couple of herrings or mackerel with bread and butter. Suday corned beef hash. Generally use powdered milk instead of fresh, and cut down on sugar if you have it. Buy budget brands of just about everything, and use lots of canned pulses. They can be very versatile.

meritaten

I dont understand why YOU have to find the money to buy alcohol for him. I also dont understand why you blame other people for him not stopping drinking. I also dont understand why you cannot seem to see that your attitude is encouraging him to drink. I believe this is called 'enabling'.

Have you ever been to AL Anon? the support organisation for families of alcoholics. you may find some very helpful people there.

I am normally very happy to help people who are struggling - but, in this case I would feel as if I was 'enabling' an alcoholic to drink while you suffered. so I can't do it - Sorry.

VfM4meplse

Goblin36 wrote: »

It's an evil and terrible illness and i really feel for you and what you are going through....

I have sympathy with you for what you have been through, but calling this an illness is a statement of massive omission. Like drug addiction, alcohol addiction not some random virus that you are unlucky to contract, it's caused by a chronic and conscious abuse of alcohol. It's readily available, and we could all go down this route at when we're at low points in our lives, but most of us don't because we recognise that alocohol solves nothing and creates more problems.

Alcoholics need to take responsibility for their own condition and referring to it as an external evil helps no-one. This applies equally to any addict.

toocleverbyhalf

make_me_wise wrote: »

Is the statement that 'stopping drinking can lead to him fitting and dying' really true. Has this been confirmed by a medical professional. I have never been or lived/worked with an alcoholic so dont know but this seems odd to me.

The fact is you cant affford to fund this addiction. £60 doesn't sound excessive to me for 2 weeks if you want to eat healthily and sustain a good diet. There is a very good board on this site called old style living and I am sure they would have lots of great ideas. They recommend doing meal plans and bulk cooking etc.

This is a subject very close to my heart as I have recently had to tell my 5 year old son that his daddy is in prison for alcohol related crimes. It's true that if an alcoholic stops drinking suddenly they can fit or die. My husband is currently on a detox wing in prison and was in rehab.
He is a hopeless alcoholic, hence we are no longer together. Also, this isn't just about saving money; alcoholics will keep nagging until more & more money is found for drink. I used to bulk buy drink to save money then hide it, but he always found it and drunk the lot all in one go.
Anyway, I strongly advise phoning al anon or try & get to a meeting. They saved my sanity on many occasions.
Good luck, I really hope you find your way out of this. I honestly send my love.

Emmzi

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Alcoholics need to take responsibility for their own condition and referring to it as an external evil helps no-one. This applies equally to any addict.

Been a qualified psychiatrist long have you?

meritaten

an addict is an addict - whether its to drugs or nicotine or gambling or chocolate or shopping - all these are seen rightly as addictions. so why are alcohol addicts seen as suffering an 'illness'? alcoholics are addicts like any others - what makes thier addiction almost something they 'cant help'? when every other addict is almost vilified? what makes an alcoholic more sympathetic to people than a nicotine addict? both substances are highly addictive to certain people - yet the nicotine addict is told to 'give it up' and given NO sympathy.
could it be that most people like a drink? that alcohol is socially acceptable? yet an alcoholic behaves exactly like a heroin addict - they will do 'ANYTHING' to get alcohol! and they can do untold harm to others when 'under the influence'. even kill people. yet society seems to find this acceptable in many ways. what a strange society we live in!

toocleverbyhalf

I couldn't agree more. Both my dad & husband were alcoholics and my life was wrecked. But I don't drink because I've seen what it can do. I don't mean to sound holier than thou, but surely they can tell when they're overdoing it and stop. Or am I being naive?

Running_Horse

A sobering thought; over 90% of alcoholics do not stop drinking.

You can be a part of the problem, or you can have a life.

All this talk of illness from AA and Al-Anon is designed to bond your life, and your guilt, completely around the needs of the person destroying your life. They don't care about you, they care about the alcoholic. It is not an illness; what illness demands a cure from god? It is a weakness, and you are not responsible for it.

You deserve a life.

GeeBee38

VfM4meplse wrote: »

I have sympathy with you for what you have been through, but calling this an illness is a statement of massive omission. Like drug addiction, alcohol addiction not some random virus that you are unlucky to contract, it's caused by a chronic and conscious abuse of alcohol. It's readily available, and we could all go down this route at when we're at low points in our lives, but most of us don't because we recognise that alocohol solves nothing and creates more problems.

Alcoholics need to take responsibility for their own condition and referring to it as an external evil helps no-one. This applies equally to any addict.

I do agree with what you are saying, maybe i worded it wrong.

I agree its the persons own fault and they should be strong enough to stop before it becomes a problem
I think i see things differently to other people as i have watched someone slowly die through it, and it's awful

I'm sorry if i have given out the wrong message and an alcoholic shouldn't be treated any differently to any other kind of addict..

They are selfish and they don't fully realise what impact their actions and behaviour have on the people close to them, they destroy their own and other peoples lives

Anyway i don't want to get into a debate about it and i don't want to talk about the situation that i went through as i still find it very upsetting..

I just want to apologise to anyone if i have given out the wrong kind of message..

And want to offer the original poster some support that she wasn't alone and she can get help and support from AL-Anon

I wish her well and hope he can stop..