Do I "OWE" my ex?

kingfisherblue

I don't know anything about joint custody, orders preventing a parent leaving the country, etc.

For child maintenance, though, the basic calculation for one child is that you pay 15% of your income as support. If you have your child overnight for 52-103 nights a year (so at least one night a week), you reduce the amount by one seventh. I would start by making sure that child support is paid, preferably by standing order through the bank and clearly marked 'Child Support for Child X' and by seeking legal advice as soon as possible.

princeofpounds

What they said on prohibited steps, unless you fancy tackling her in the Polish justice system later on.

Whether you owe her anything or not depends on contractual arrangements that you had. Unless those contracts were written she would have a hard time proving it and the default position would likely be that you were both contributing as you felt able. So you likely don't owe her anything.

HOWEVER, if you did agree to pay her back for certain things then morally you should do. Only you and her know what was a gift and what was a loan.

ses6jwg

You need to get a prohibited steps order NOW!! Before your child is taken away!

CJC01

Hi everyone. Thanks for your responses so far. I have applied for a Prohibited Steps and Residency Order. I am waiting a court date for a hearing. The child splits his time EQUALLY between myself and my ex partner (I am far from a weekend Dad) so I pay her no maintainence and she pays me none. Childcare is split 50/50 also. The money that I am referring to is for when we first moved in together and I was selling my apartment. I had bills and mortgage etc to pay on that place and she has racked up £5k (approx) from that time for owed rent (she has a mortgage but called my half rent) and utility bills. Also included in this is £2000 deposit she put down on a new car with all the finance in her name. However I was paying the monthly payments of £240 so over the 2 years we had the car I can safely say I paid more towards her finance agreement than she did and £1000 per year insurance.

I feel I am getting a raw deal and emotionality and financially blackmailed - That is the real point I am trying to make here.

CJC01

Hi I am not saying I want anything from her but merely stating that if I have paid so much towards the household out goings and she is asking me for the money then do I owe it her?

goodmorningsunshine

Sorry, don't know, without going into the in's and out's. However, (this is just my thought), if she feels that she needs some security for your son, you could suggest you put a bit away every month for your son until he is 18 or 21 and he can get the amount then, or does she want the 5K for herself, right now?

If circumstances change, and you no longer share care 50/50, be quick to come to an arrangement with her regarding maintenance for your son. Avoid CSA at any cost, it will make your life a complete misery and you will spend your next 16? years, if he decides to go to college/university, in complete depression, unless you can live off fresh air, as so many ex-fathers are made to. Sorry to be depressing - just a word of warning.

BitterAndTwisted

CJC01 wrote: »

Hi I am not saying I want anything from her but merely stating that if I have paid so much towards the household out goings and she is asking me for the money then do I owe it her?

No, I don't think you do. Has she said how she has arrived at that nice, round figure? Without being a mind-reader it's hard to say whether her request/demand is fair or just greed.

Is she living in reduced circumstances because she's having to face all of the expenses of continuing to run the family home without your contribution?

CJC01

Hi Bitterandtwisted, she is by no means living in reduced circumstances. She earns well above the national average. I was the one who struggled after being told to leave the family home. New place to live and having to buy everything brand new.

C_Mababejive

CJC01 wrote: »

Hi Bitterandtwisted, she is by no means living in reduced circumstances. She earns well above the national average. I was the one who struggled after being told to leave the family home. New place to live and having to buy everything brand new.

But this is what happens to fathers when relationships fail .

Why did you leave the joint home? Did you have a legal right to live there and if so,why did you surrender it?

The worst may be yet to come. If she starts talking to solicitors then you could get flayed big time !

CJC01

It was her house (mortgage in her name) I was just "renting".

In real terms I was paying half the mortgage cost, car repayments (which is also in her name), house and car insurance, half the childcare, council tax, sky and utility bills.

She paid for half the mortgage and half the childcare and that is it.

As you may now be able to see this is why I am pretty frustrated, considering at the time she was earning far more than myself.