DMP & Mutual Support Thread - Part 8

sickasachip13

Hi,

I think it will be fine to use that extra money to build up a buffer. Just tell CCCS at the next review? When I sold my car, I rang them to tell them and because it was only a few hundred pounds they advised me to keep it as an additional fund to fall back on.

SAAC

grantalien

scared-sick wrote: »

Thank you for this reply.
How bad is this though....got my son some new trainers (he is growing at such a rapid rate it is hard to keep up), anyway today a family member said they are nice trainers where did you get them from? Son replied mam got them for me from ebay....I could have died with shame!!! I felt so bad, eventhough they were new and hadnt been worn!! How bad am I!! How much do I need to change!! But I seriously felt embarrassed like I was such a failure. More stupid is I have loads of stuff to sell on ebay (in the process of doing), lots of which is my sons which is brand new as he has grown too quickly himself so I know there is nothing wrong with doing this, it just saves me money!!!

Haha - I am at the stage where I brag about getting new/branded things via ebay hotukdeals etc etc... Don't feel embarrassed about paying less for more

sickasachip13

Hey scared-sick

You should be proud that your son doesn't give a stuff whether they came from ebay or a high street shop. My son has always had some of his clothes and shoes from ebay, it's up to him whether he tells his mates etc, he's never hidden it. He is now a very savvy shopper and if he sees something he fancies advertised or in a shop he always says ' I'll have a look on ebay first'. Nothing at all wrong with that. Waste not want not I say!

SAAC

PS. I do exactly the same too :-)

scared-sick

Well my mission this year is to make enough money on ebay to pay for my sons christmas! I always spend too much on him (single parent syndrome!! haha!) but this year I am going to try and earn the money before I spend it!

I am also going to try and use this money to pay for the things he needs throughout the year. It will be like a cycle, I buy it, he wears it, he grows out of it, I sell it, I buy more that fits. Why did I not think of doing these things BEFORE I got into trouble!!

Well to be honest, this was part of my LBM. I got son fully kitted out in September when he went back to school, 3 months later and nothing fits! I realised I had no money in the budget to pay for this, but couldnt not replace it. That and other things made me realise I had to do something about it.

The way I am looking at the dmp at the minute is like a consolidation loan. I am paying everything back just at a longer time and a lower monthly payment. I still feel really really bad for having got to this point and havent told anyone, family or friends, about it and I am hoping no-one finds out. It is a big burden to carry alone, but thats my fault for getting into this mess in the first place.

sickasachip13

Hey Scared,

I like your thinking. BTW, you're not alone - have you looked around here?! There's no point in dwelling on the past, you need to work with the present and make good decisions from here on in, which is what you're doing. We've only told a couple of our closest friends about our DMP and that wasn't until we were several months in. I think the guilt / shame about it lifts fairly quickly, well, it did for us anyhow.

SAAC

scared-sick

sickasachip13 wrote: »

Hey Scared,

I like your thinking. BTW, you're not alone - have you looked around here?! There's no point in dwelling on the past, you need to work with the present and make good decisions from here on in, which is what you're doing. We've only told a couple of our closest friends about our DMP and that wasn't until we were several months in. I think the guilt / shame about it lifts fairly quickly, well, it did for us anyhow.

SAAC

Yeah I have read loads of things on here and its been great. I can get advice when I need it and feel lost. I can get support when I just need reassurance and I read other peoples stories and realise I am not alone. I have read your cccs blog too. It all makes me feel a little better about what I am doing.

Infact, I didnt even know about cccs or DMP's until I came on here. I struggled for months, found this site, then struggled for a couple of more months while I read lots then finally decided to take the plunge and although I am still scared, I feel loads better about things.

Now I just need to change my way of thinking and get past some of my hang ups. The thing is, when I do save money or get a bargin it feels great so dont know why I was embarrassed when I got a brand new pair of branded trainers for next to nothing....go figure!!

BlushingRose

We're the same though. Many of our friends know we're poor, but only about two people actually know how poor and that we're on a DMP with no CC or OD.
It's difficult though cos I think people are getting bored of me saying 'we're poor' cos they usually answer with 'tell me about it, me too' when they've clearly got no idea at all.

debtfreewannabe321

Most of my friends now know i'm on a dmp, i got bored of making excuses. And in fact i'm not ashamed anymore, i think that was the turning point, when i realised -yes i have debt. But i'm making a concerted effort to pay it all back not write it off- so if anyone asks i will quite gladly share my story I have to say though when we first started only my mum & one friend round here knew. Now i couldn't care less if the neighbours, postman & his wife knew! Everyone round here is in the same situation. We're all army, all earn same wages, all have same outgoings! Some have had their LBM (ME & a few friends since i shared my story lol) and some haven't. You should feel proud you've done something about it x

scared-sick

BlushingRose wrote: »

We're the same though. Many of our friends know we're poor, but only about two people actually know how poor and that we're on a DMP with no CC or OD.
It's difficult though cos I think people are getting bored of me saying 'we're poor' cos they usually answer with 'tell me about it, me too' when they've clearly got no idea at all.

Yes I think peoples definition of poor can be vastly different!!

I think for my son and I it is a total change for us. I have gone from throwing anything in the trolley and wasting loads every week to buying own brand foods and telling son he cant have that one but he can have the other one as its on offer! He was confused at first as this was not normal to him, now he looks for the offers himself!! lol

I have read some of your posts BR and I know how much you are struggling. I hope your new budget gives you a little more breathing space. It is hard and a lot to think about especially when we are in it for the long haul. I hope things get easier for you. Try not to think about how long it will take to pay off, just that you will be able to afford to live while you are!! x

scared-sick

debtfreewannabe321 wrote: »

Most of my friends now know i'm on a dmp, i got bored of making excuses. And in fact i'm not ashamed anymore, i think that was the turning point, when i realised -yes i have debt. But i'm making a concerted effort to pay it all back not write it off- so if anyone asks i will quite gladly share my story I have to say though when we first started only my mum & one friend round here knew. Now i couldn't care less if the neighbours, postman & his wife knew! Everyone round here is in the same situation. We're all army, all earn same wages, all have same outgoings! Some have had their LBM (ME & a few friends since i shared my story lol) and some haven't. You should feel proud you've done something about it x

Wow, I am certainly no where near that stage yet and dont think I ever will be. You are very brave!