He has done it again :(

sohurtandlost

Basically he was too drunk to get it up. She tried!!

Oldernotwiser

At the very least, don't have another baby with him!

Lotus-eater

sohurtandlost wrote: »

Basically he was too drunk to get it up. She tried!!

Ouch, so he did go through with it then.

What exactly does he need to go to escorts for? What's his need?

Metranil_Vavin

sohurtandlost wrote: »

Basically he was too drunk to get it up. She tried!!

See, if I knew this, I'd be so repulsed by my OH, I don't think I'd be able to move on.

peachyprice

I think you have three options to consider;

1) Get rid, but it really doesn't sound like you want to.

2) Help him get the help he needs, assuming he wants help, it won't work if he doesnt. There are treatments out there. He has an addicition that is as real as any physical addiction, it's not about cheating on you, it's about his addiction to this type of sex, I doubt very much he considers it cheating at all.

3) If you can't beat him join him. It's not everyone's cup of tea, and certainly not mine, but there is a whole swinging community out there where you can go together and he can be fulfilled safely. You don't even have to partake. I know it's a bit out there, but there are people I know, people pretty close to me, whose marriage has only survived because this is the path they chose.


Good luck OP, only you know whether your marriage it bigger than this or this is bigger than your marriage.

VestanPance

Not wanting to be overly harsh, but I think you're most likely being naive if he's phoning prostitutes and visiting massage parlours but thinking he's not been having sex with them.

Treed

What if he hadnt been too drunk, and he had actually gone through with it?
How are you meant to trust that every time he goes out with his friends he isnt going to lose track of thought on making things better and go and do it again?

I hope the therapist helps him with his problem in order for you to be happy.
Can i just ask, Did you ask him to see a therapist or did he offer? makes a big difference.

Good Luck, i hope things do work out and that your not in the same situation 2 more years from now.

daska

Unless he has a medical problem that has increased his sex drive to the point that he struggles to restrain himself he is CHOOSING to behave this way. You both need to get tested, some STDs can be transferred even if he couldn't get it up and not all develop immediate symptoms - and TBH you can't know for sure whether this was the only occasion he attempted something physical. And therapy sounds like a good idea.

But, at the same time, I'm another one who thinks the boundaries are a bit blurred here. I understand the difference between a phone line and 'in the flesh', but at it's most simplistic it's still effectively saying "hey, if you need other sexual outlets, please feel free". If you really want to try to make it work (for you) I suspect you have to put down unequivocal boundaries and make it crystal clear that you will pack his bags and chuck him out without another word immediately he transgresses. That might include insisting that all the phones have itemised bills and that he go to the STD clinic every 6 months. It's a trust issue, this isn't the first time so it isn't your responsibility to accept his assurances without any evidence to back them up it is now his responsibility to PROVE that he is trustworthy. That bit about turning the other cheek, well, you've done that, you don't have another cheek to turn.

Having said that, if it's been going on for years I think it unlikely that he will change, so you have to work out whether you want to take the risk. Ultimately only you can decide what to do going forward. But your family's emotional, physical and financial health must come top of the list and he's put them at risk more than once.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Buttonmoons

If my partner had tried to sleep with a prostitute, I'd be throwing him & his crap out the house. You don't even know what he could of caught had he been able to get it up......then came home and given it to you!

I know it must be difficult because you love him, but his actions are showing he doesn't give a codswallop about you.

missbishi

VestanPance wrote: »

Not wanting to be overly harsh, but I think you're most likely being naive if he's phoning prostitutes and visiting massage parlours but thinking he's not been having sex with them.

I am sorry OP but this is what crossed my mind too. Reminds me of Bill Clinton and his "Yes I smoked a joint but I didn't inhale" stories.