Next Of Kin Question

Ladywriter1968

My friend recently found out she was adopted recently, as far as she was aware she had her blood Mum and Step Dad. This is what they had told her. They even told her she had a brother that died when he was very young, which turned out to not be true even.

But she recently found out that her Mum is not her real Mum either, but her Step Mum. My friend only found out by accident, she is in her 40's now. If my friend never found out her Step Mum was step! she would never have told her.

She managed to trace some of her real family that had been looking for her for years. But her Step Mum kept them from her. Her Step Mum had also been done for frauding life insurance and so on.

Is my friend legally "next of Kin" of her step parents or not? When anything happens to them is she liable for funeral costs and arrangements etc, as they are not blood relatives?

They adopted her when she was one or so. My friend was so upset when she found out and they even lied to her even more and she knew they was lying after. She told me she wants to "cut them off now" cause my friend has "children of her own" and other night she was called out to hospital as her Step Mum was sick, and her Step Mums Husband simply could not be bothered to take his wife to the hospital. Plus my friend had to get her older son to look after his young sister while she spent the evening at the hospital, and then hospital said No eye doctor here, you will have to travel further away to another hospital, and she got no transport and had to ring her Ex partner to come and take her and her step Mum to another hospital. I thought it was all pretty bad really.

So it seems my friend is still liable in eyes of law. maybe?

Torry_Quine

The person who arranges a funeral is liable.

Mojisola

Ladywriter1968 wrote: »

So it seems my friend is still liable in eyes of law. maybe?

No, it's just that if there's someone around to sort things out, the authorities will let them get on with it.

She doesn't have to take any responsibility for them at all if she doesn't want to.

After an adoption, the new parents become legal next of kin - the birth parents have to give up that right - but no-one can make you look after/pay a funeral/be responsible for your legal NOKs.

It does affect inheritance. The adopted child would not inherit from birth parents who die intestate; he/she would from the adopted parents, but not from subsequent spouses of either adoptive parent.

Oldernotwiser

Are you confusing the idea of adoptive parents with step parents? I can't see how she can have both a step mum and a step dad.

If she is legally adopted then her adoptive parents are her parents in the eyes of the law and her birth family are no legal relations as this is nullified by adoption.

dirtysexymonkey

two issues - if the adoption was legal then shes legally the same as any blood children. second issue - if her parents are that useless and vile, then she doesnt have to have them in her life. theres no law that forces adults to have relationships with their parents.

LondonDiva

Please can we refer to 'birth' parents rather than 'real' parents.

I always find it frankly disturbing and insulting when soaps and people dismissive adoptive families by referring to them as somehow lesser than birth parents. In the eyes of the law and everyone else, adoption is real.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Only way I can see this happening; Birth mother not around/doesn't want/has child taken away from her and given to the birth father, birth father marries step mother and child is adopted. Birth father dies/walks out, stepmother (now the adoptive mother - the only legal mother) continues to care for child as it is legally her own, including after meeting her next partner.

Step mother could have been fed a load of lies by the birth father, including stories about other babies that the birth mother's family don't know about/won't accept as true.

Step mother could be lying her behind off.

Birth family could be lying their behinds off - sometimes through guilt for forcing an adoption, other tensions in the family, squabbling over custody of adopted child, whatever.

Either way, no law says you have to do anything for anyone other than your own child when they are under the age of 18.


So there isn't a problem.

Mojisola

LondonDiva wrote: »

Please can we refer to 'birth' parents rather than 'real' parents.

I always find it frankly disturbing and insulting when soaps and people dismissive adoptive families by referring to them as somehow lesser than birth parents. In the eyes of the law and everyone else, adoption is real.

In my mind, it's the people who have brought you up who are your "real" parents.

FunnySaving

LondonDiva wrote: »

Please can we refer to 'birth' parents rather than 'real' parents.

I always find it frankly disturbing and insulting when soaps and people dismissive adoptive families by referring to them as somehow lesser than birth parents. In the eyes of the law and everyone else, adoption is real.

In fairness, the only person who referred to 'real' parents is the OP, and I think this is because there has been some confusion over whether their friend's birth parents were actually really blood relatives. Whilst I appreciate your point, I think in this case it's a little more complicated than just distinguishing between birth and adoptive parents so the OP may be using terms to distinguish between 'relatives' for whom there may be no accepted terminology.

Ladywriter1968

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Are you confusing the idea of adoptive parents with step parents? I can't see how she can have both a step mum and a step dad.

If she is legally adopted then her adoptive parents are her parents in the eyes of the law and her birth family are no legal relations as this is nullified by adoption.

Yep I got muddled, they adopted her when she was one, but where the confusion was back then, her addopted Mum lied to her and as far as my mate was aware was her real Mum, but she was told the Dad was her step Dad and her real Dad died when she was one.

But it was totally F**** up. the truth was, they were both her addopted parents and basically carried on a bad lies all those years. She found out recently herself, it was a blow. But then found her real family after years.

Ladywriter1968

Ok, how do I explain this glorified muddle, for years my friend did not know she was adopted and found out by accident. Both adopted parents lied to her. As far as friend was concerned her adopted Mother was her birth Mother, and the man she was married to was her Step Father, the line they span her was, that her birth Dad died when she was one. and parents remarried. and she also had a brother that died as well. So my friend thought for years, the Mum was her birth Mum who re married making man her step Dad and her real Dad had died etc.

But the truth is, both of them are step parents, and she found her birth family on Fathers side, and he showed her letters of how he tried to contact her but for years she didnt know, as my friends name was also completely changed as well so they could not trace her. Her birth Mother, sorry I keep use term "real" just habit. anyway, her birth Mother she has not contacted as I dont think her Birth Mother wanted her. It was only the Birth Father that wanted her, but as relationships fail etc, they split and she was given up for adoption and he left the country. She has been in touch with the birth father but not mother. I did suggest she do get in touch with her to but so far she hasnt, rather then her listen to rumours she should know whether the birth mother wants to know or not.

The adopted parents took her one as a baby and yes they brought her up but I feel that did this for their own ends so to speak. I know this sounds nasty but just the stuff my friend has told me over the years, then she found her her adopted parents had been done for frauding insurance companies etc and claiming benefits in different names and so on.

Now her adopted Mother is very sick and the Husband is her carer but dont seem to give a damn really and its getting pushed to my friend to do everything when she has two children of her own to care for to.

When my friend had a stroke when she was pregnant and she said her adopted parents never once came to see her in hospital or even bring her up anything and she was totally on her own. Yet when they are sick they expect her to run about after them. Plus fact they lied to her and didnt tell her that she was adopted as well. I mean she is in her early 40's now and only found out recently.

She showed me her birth cert and had her name and adopted parents names under the adoption part. Every time she went to apply for her birth cert her adopted parents would put her off by an excuse and god knows how they swang it with my mates passports etc. dont get me wrong, these are two ordinary people that seem to be experts in the art of cons or something. phew...