Would anyone else leave a sleeping baby home alone - or am I overreacting?

BitterAndTwisted

I'm really sorry but I would not have wasted time canvassing friends for their opinions. I would have been straight on the phone to social services. Doing anything else is being compicit in this stupid woman's reckless and selfish behaviour.

Getting her nails done? Having a wax? This has got to be a wind-up. Or a very cruel joke.

daska

It might not actually matter whether SS do anything or not. Simply having SS contact her might be enough to wake her up to the fact that she shouldn't be doing this. SS might well alert the HV etc. And if anything does happen in the future, whilst I surely hope it doesn't, she'd find it very difficult to claim that it was an aberration rather than habitual behaviour.

an9i77

Although there is a risk that the baby could come to physical harm, I think there's a far greater risk that she is doing psychological harm to him every time she does this. Babies are very sensitive to the threat of abandonment, and if he wakes crying for his mum and she doesn't come, he will undoubtedly feel abandoned (as he has been abandoned). Research has shown that this kind of thing, particularly before the age of 2, can lead to psychological impairments in later life and affect specific parts of the brain that deal with emotions. I hate my baby crying even for a few moments, although he is old enough now to use 'controlled crying' when we wakes at night (when you go in every five minutes to check on them, but don't pick them up or comfort them) I still find it really hard leaving him even for the five minutes between checks. I find it most disturbing that this woman is not empathetic enough to her child to feel the pain and anguish that he will undoubtedly feel if he wakes before she is back and cries out for her. I fear that even if the baby does not suffer any physical harm, it will still affect his psychological development, poor little mite.

an9i77

ps I've had my nails done/ waxing etc and just brought the baby into the salon in his buggy, I'd ring before to check this was ok but no one has ever minded. If they did I'd just go to a different salon. So it's rubbish if she's saying she can't do these things with baby in tow.

Tigsteroonie

I think the furthest I've ever gone (while leaving Andrew in the house) is to take the wheelie-bin to the end of the drive. I just wouldn't leave him alone, not when he was newly home and slept for hours, and certainly not now he's more active.

an9i77

OP what are you gonna do, are you gonna tell someone (SS or HV?)

tiny_courageous

If there is a time when the OP knows the baby is home alone, I would advise them to phone the police and report it.

FBaby

Are you sure she is not making it up? I'm surprised if she is indeed leaving her child for such time without any concern that no-one else has raised the alarm before, since clearly she doesn't believe she is doing anything wrong and therefore keeping it quiet. Surely, her neighbours, her family, and more realistically, the father would have done something. I am wondering whether she could just be exagerating.

As for the issue of leaving children home alone, I don't think we can compare 8/9/10/15 years old to a defenseless 11 months old baby. It isn't comparable at all. I left my DD home alone for up to 1/2 hour when she was 9, one hour when she was 10. At 11 1/2, she was on her own for one hour every morning and up to two hours after school. I left my DS when he was 8 with her on a couple of times for 1 hour appx. I made that choice because I calculated the risk of danger and knew they were very low. Both my children are very mature for their age and I know they would know what to do if something happened and stay safe.

I would never ever have considered leaving them even for 5 minutes alone at 11 months old. This is just plain irresponsible.

hitatotatus

Sorry, haven't read all the replies, but seem to agree with most posters on here. A baby should never be left alone. I even used to take mine into the kiosk with me when I paid for petrol!

LL30

OP, as a professional in this area I can tell you now that if you tell the HV, she will ring SS. If you personally find it easier to do it this way, then do it.