Wedding gift of family tree

pug_in_a_bed

My brother is getting married in May. I've been doing our family tree for years and would like to get him and his new wife a framed family tree. The issue is my sil has two children from a previous marriage, and the kids./sil don't get on with the ex. I want to include the step kids but not sure how to get around the ex husband issue, I think it would look a bit weird in the chart including the ex, especially as I'm planning to frame the chart for display etc.

Any thoughts?

mrcow

Is it something he'd actually want? If someone gave me that for a present, it would go in the loft.

P.S Surely you'd just put the children coming off of her name only. No need to mention her ex.

Supermom

I can see why you'd think this might be a nice idea

However I would say that a photo frame/microwave/almost anything else would be better. I would be quite upset to receive something like this, sorry but no no no NO not the best of wedding present ideas.

Sorry.

pug_in_a_bed

lol yes I think he'll be pleased, he's been on at me to put the tree into a readable form for ages!

I'm worried I'm going to cause offence somewhere with someone, its been in the works for ages but having sat down to actually begin compiling it...

They been together years so the traditional gifts for the house are out!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Oh boy, the number of skeletons in the closet that could come out that way.....


Sorry, you mean well. But it is a TERRIBLE idea.

pug_in_a_bed

Ahh I'm gutted you all feel its a terrible idea the family tree in our house is a great source of fascination for all, we have several really amazing family heirlooms like the family bible. I've uncovered all the skeletons many years ago already on both sides of the family and its been a fascinating journey.

I've been researching for over ten years and it's still opening new doors left right and centre, my sister and I have been working on an indepth tree for my dad's 70th for nearly 9 months so he better flamin' well like that one:rotfl:

Its a gift I know my brother and his mrs will love because they asked for it; the only thing I was worried about was leaving out the step kids dad, not about the gift itself

Seanymph

If I was his bride I'd be really really fed up. I may well be far too polite to tell you - and make all the right noises, but trust me I'd be really miffed.

That isn't a gift to 'them' - it's a gift to him.

I'd feel excluded and that you were all about your family. Not that I'm overly neurotic (I may be a bit) but a marriage gift is celebrating a coming together of TWO families. Not a chance to showcase your work on just one.

By all means do that for your brother as a gift - but you'd better be prepared to put as much effort into doing something for the bride as well.

Well, their wedding is about THEM. Not about you and your family.

I think it's an amazingly selfish present, even if she is gracious enough to be telling you it would be lovely. I think it is a lovely gift, but not to both of them, and not on their wedding day.

freda

I think a family tree as a WEDDING present would need to have the husband's family and the wife's family on it, with the two of them at the bottom. I'd put her children with lines to just her name, no need to put in the ex in a display one. But I do think that the point others are trying to make is that unless you include his AND her families, it isn't really a present to celebrate their wedding, is it?

Do you know her family tree at all?

However, if it is a present to your brother only, for a birthday or maybe even as a little wedding present just for him, I think it is a lovely idea, especially as it is obviously a family hobby and interest.

adamantine

i personally think this is a lovely idea and a wonderful way to welcome her to the family by putting her name on the family tree.

i wouldnt include step kids though. especially step kids from a marriange that no longer exists (if i understand this correctly - im tired this morning its the first day back to school for the kids up here today lol)

torbrex

It is a lovely gift to do but not for a wedding present, I think it is too personal for that.
Give them a 'normal' gift as a present on the occasion of their marraige, something neutral as has been suggested then at a later date you can discuss with the whole family how they want the record of their family tree to be displayed.

I do family history research as well and I have a sticker on the front of my folder that simply states:

"You can't choose your relatives"

Caroline73_2

There is a huge difference between wanting to see/have a copy of a family tree and having a framed version to go on display!

I also agree with the other posters that it is not an appropriate wedding present. If you are so certain that he wants it, wait until his birthday.