Gift list or money?

Em88

My OH and I are currently undecided as to whether to do a gift list. We would rather have money towards our honeymoon but some people think it is odd. We both got kitted out by our parents when we went to university so already have duplicates of things for the flat so would prefer to have money towards activities on our honeymoon. As an alternative if people wouldn't like to do that we would be happy for them to adopt an animal for us at Edinburgh zoo (where we are getting married). How can we politely put this to people? We don't want to come across rude when people ask what we would like but it doesn't seem to make sense to put together a list of things we don't really want just for the sake of it. What are peoples opinions on this?

* I am aware this is a sore point for some people and I am likely to get a range of replies! :rotfl:

NoAngel

Hi Emm. We feel exactly the same! We really don't need anything in particular as we have duplicates of most things (2 x toasters, sets of towels, sheets etc!).

We've considered a small gift list with some things that people may like to get - for example our plates are a little old and it would be nice to have a newer set. (Not decided if we're doing this yet).

However, we aren't specifying at any point what we'd like and are just expecting people to perhaps ask our parents. When asked they're going to say that there's nothing particular we need but would appreciate money for the honeymoon.

74jax

We do not need anything either.

We have mentioned this to those who have asked and if they have pushed we have said to give us their favorite recipe or that we both support Cancer Research if they wanted to donate to them. We do not even get married till next year so find it strange people are asking now.

I think you dont need to mention it until asked, then say you genuinely do not need anything. If they then mention it again you can ask for money then. So yoj are not coming straight out with it if you dont want too.

Em88

It's only down to all the people asking that has made us think about it so much. We have been asked, both before and after the invitations went out and also by people who are and aren't attending the wedding (we are having a very small wedding, around 20 or so guests) which has made it an issue. I feel awkward saying we would like the money but there really isn't anything we need, or want. Our flat is packed full of stuff already. I don't want to come across as ungrateful at all and thought the idea of adopting an animal for us is a nice idea which is also charitable.

sexybabe1982

Hi,
We're the same - we moved into our first house together in June last year and have managed to get pretty much everything we need (bought before and after moving in) so we'd really struggle to think of gifts.

We were thinking of asking for vouchers for a specific store rather than money. Maybe you could ask for vouchers for a particular travel company if thinking of putting it towards a honeymoon, although this might not be possible if paying upfront when booking it?
Has anybosy else asked for vouchers like this? How did it go down with guests?

nickki44

90% of our guests were more than happy to give money other than a gift (and were extremely generous) - it was a 2nd marriage for both of us so people knew we weren't in need of anything!!

the other 10% took us at our word and just turned up to enjoy the day with us, (which genuinely was the preferable option to us!)...

We enclosed a poem with our invites:

The date has been set and we’d love you to come,
To our wedding in Elland, a long way for some.
All you must do is decide what to wear,
Then polish your jewellery and comb up your hair.

Don’t worry about gifts, don’t buy us a yacht,
The things that we need, we’ve already got.
Don’t go out shopping or get yourself stressed,
Don’t alter your plans for a pre wedding rest.

If you want to be generous, despite what we’ve said,
Then save all the hassle and do this instead…..

Don’t know how to word this but we’ll give it our best shot,
Contributions are most welcome, we’ll go somewhere hot!
A honeymoon would be marvellous, to start off our life,

In our long winding journey, as husband and wife!

Hope this helps
x

prettyflamingo

i wouldnt ask for vouchers, not with the economy in such a state- you never know who will go bust next and it would be awful if you lost all of your gifts!

74jax

Em88 wrote: »

It's only down to all the people asking that has made us think about it so much. We have been asked, both before and after the invitations went out and also by people who are and aren't attending the wedding (we are having a very small wedding, around 20 or so guests) which has made it an issue. I feel awkward saying we would like the money but there really isn't anything we need, or want. Our flat is packed full of stuff already. I don't want to come across as ungrateful at all and thought the idea of adopting an animal for us is a nice idea which is also charitable.

I think thats a lovely thought. Some people really do not accept you do not need anything. That is why I asked on here and I think it was Mrs Drink who came up with the recipe idea. People have taken to it quite well and friends are drawing up loads of personalised A4 recipe pages for my file :rotfl:

I think the adopt an animal is lovely. People will ask you or family so if you explain to them all to mention this when asked that would get round it.

White_Sapphire

We're having a small traditional list to upgrade a few things, like cutlery and plates which are all mismatched and mostly from a 'value range' somewhere but we can't afford to buy better, then asking for money towards a honeymoon.

I've been to a few weddings where the couple have requested honeymoon money, and the number of companies offering a honeymoon giftlist service shows that it's very common. Yes, there'll always be a few who gripe about it being rude to ask for money (seriously - why??), but why feel pushed into a traditional list if it has no relevance to you?

I do love the idea of asking people to adopt an animal for you! :T

Em88

We are honeymooning in Scotland and have booked most of our hotels already (we are going to be driving round to see a variety of places) we were thinking of making a list of things we want to do whilst there, i.e. boat trip on a loch, visit the Highland Wildlife Park, etc and then asking for funds towards these activities and so we could have some nice meals.

I think we will stick to this idea, along with asking for people to adopt an animal for us if they prefer, rather than try and make a list just for the sake of it.

Thanks for the comments everyone

jtr2803

I don't have a problem with people prefering to have funds towards a honeymoon if that's what they want, it's the way they ask for it that I don't like. We had an invite to a wedding reception for someone OH works with and the second page of the invite basically said 'we want money thanks very much'...um, I've never met you and now you are expecting money?! That's just a bit presumptuous for my liking, especially when we were evening guests and not day ones.

If I got an invite without any reference to gifts I would ask the bride/groom directly if they have a gift list or would they like a donation to a honeymoon fund and that is fine