Home care for elderly Grandmother.

Caroline_a

My dad was the same about not wanting to go into a home. I think it's something about that generation remembering the workhouse, also when you go into a care home that's it I guess.

I lived with him but as I worked fulltime he had carers in 3 times a day to make his meals (he liked to get up after I'd gone to bed and eat his last meal at around 4pm). However in the last 12 months of his life he got increasingly frail and doddery and would fall several times a week. He had a panic alarm and I worked about 5 mins away, so could dash home, pick him up, and go back to work.

However as time went on he realised that I couldnt do it all. I couldn't give up work as i couldnt afford to, but he needed more than me in the evenings and carers half an hour 3 times a day. He was forgetful but no dementia - again I think this may be something that comes with great age. When he was in hospital the last time I spoke to the sister about whether she thought he needed permanent professional care... she couldnt commit her opinion and then told him. BIG row when I took him home the next day 'you're trying to put me away'.

Anyway to cut a long story short, we made it up very quickly and a few days afterwards he asked me if I would look for a suitable home for him. I looked at a few and luckily found a lovely one with a new extension, so a brand new suite for him to have. I took him to see it, he loved it and he moved is 2 days later. All his choice.

The sad end is that he died during his first night there, but he'd had a great first day there, and we think his time had come - he slipped away in his sleep.

The point of all this rambling, anyway, is that I'm sure your grandma will recognise the point at which the situation cannot go on as it is doing. At that point she will decide for herself. In the meantime, just keep seeing her, making her smile and get her to talk about all her memories.

There_Goes_Trouble

Thank you Caroline.

I think part the problem is that my Great Grandmother lived so long, and actually her sister (Granny's Aunt) did too - I can't remember exactly but she was a few years over 100 too. Longevity is in the family on that side. If she were to live another ten years it's a long time to be somewhere you hate. We wouldn't intentionally leave her anywhere she hated, but she's not the sort to complain.... another generation thing I think. I've seen her do it in hospital, she was in great pain but when the nurse asked her how she was feeling she smiled and said 'fine thank you'. When Mum said 'no you're not' she said 'well I don't like to make a fuss.'

I've suggested that maybe she could go for two weeks respite care while she's convalescing, which would also work as a trial session. Mum's going to suggest it, but hasn't had opportunity yet as Granny's still sleeping a lot and forgets conversations. There's a nice looking new place just down the road from where I work which looks fab from the outside, but I don't know anything about it really.

Brecon_Beacons

I would urge you to contact your Social Services duty care office at your local council.You say that your grandmother has too much in savings to qualify for care, but you cannot be certain of that - some care may not be means-tested, and besides, you have described her condition as worsening, so she certainly needs to get an up to date assessment of her needs. Include your GP in this - if, for example, her forgetfulness is diagnosed as the beginning of dementia, she will qualify for extra care.

If you are looking at arranging domiciliary care, choose an organisation that is registered with the Care Quality Commission, and ask to speak to other users of their services who wil give a testimonial to their services.

Do contact Age UK - they have a lot of specialist knowledge and may even be able to contact suitable care agencies for you, direct, to set up a referral.

And contact organisations like the Princess Royal Trust for Carers (carers, in this instance, being your family!). They can provide lots of information and advice on what to claim, and where to go for help.

Yes, all this will take time and effort! But do it - your grandmother deserves it.

There_Goes_Trouble

Thank you BB.

Social Services have been contacted, they helped with her return home care plan (although she pays for her care it was initially arranged through them).

She really doesn't have dementia, she's seen loads of Doctors in the last month including her GP, she just sometimes forgets that she's already told you something and will say it again. (normal for old age, heck I do it now and I'm not quite 40 yet!) She's a bit forgetful at the moment if you tell her something too soon after she's woken up, but she is sleeping a lot so the gaps for proper conversation just aren't there at the moment. My Great Grandmother had dementia/Altzheimers (never can spell that) so as a family we have seen and experienced it before, and would recognise the early signs.

Thank you for the info. I'm going to speak to my Mum tomorrow and see how far she wants me to take it now that I have got the info, or if she'd rather do it herself.

She deserves it and she's most definitely worth it!!

Darlyd

Op I'm a carer and I love it so much. I could wrap all my clients up and take then all home with me. Can I ask where granny is located?

For now i think a carer popping in morning to help aid on commode. Breakfast. Personal care. And again for lunch tea and bed. During times carer not there. Use large pads with a tenna lady/pull ups. And get some kylies for bed/chair too. This will help with any accidents. (I got to a woman who has no legs and is to big to get herself on commode so all her toileting is done in pads, she also has 4 calls a day).

As for security a lot of my clients have CCTV although we no supposed to know but I guess some do.

There are a lot of carers out there like me who care and will do an amazing job, I am sure you will find one.

There are a lot of companies out there. Ask about, get reviews. I will be honest I've worked for one care company who were a bunch of a"""oles. They never cared who they sent, if granny pays for care herself best to find a private company, who takes on only private clients. Companies who take on social services packages are rushed and care is not to good.

Good luck. And if you live near me I could recommend many.

Caroline_a

I think the idea of a week or two somewhere for respite care is an excellent one. I would ask to go and visit some places, which is what I did - there was no problem with that. I found that now that care homes have inspections it really isnt like it used to be with a whole load of sleeping pensioners in a circle! They are monitored on not just care and cleanliness but also what activities they provide, etc.

When my dad went into his I was very insistent (as they were) that it was on an initial month trial basis. Obviously we never got to the end of the month but he knew that if he hated it then we would bring him home again. With your grandma, if she thinks it's only for a week or two (for now) then it will give her chance to experience it - my dad actually loved the thought of company all the time or the option to go to his own suite and watch tv by himself.

Peater

OP - Do not feel guilty about wanting to put her into care. My aunt took on the care of my elderly grandfather in her home, he was really ill and we didn't anticipate that he would last as long as he has. This year will mark 10 years....

It has completely destroyed my aunt's life as she can't leave the house for fear that my grandfather (severe dimensia) will 'try and escape form the army' again. She has taken up drinking and smoking..... Don't underestimate how much of a burden it would be.

roddydogs

Stating the obvious, but 24Hr live in "Care" will cost an absolute bomb, and no help if gran has more than £23,000.

Mojisola

roddydogs wrote: »

Stating the obvious, but 24Hr live in "Care" will cost an absolute bomb, and no help if gran has more than £23,000.

It does but it will be cheaper than Mum and Dad going into a care home. The economics change if there's only one person who needs looking after but, if someone wants to stay in their own home and they have available capital, why shouldn't it be spent on care in their own home with a carer chosen by them?

claire16c

Peater wrote: »

OP - Do not feel guilty about wanting to put her into care. My aunt took on the care of my elderly grandfather in her home, he was really ill and we didn't anticipate that he would last as long as he has. This year will mark 10 years....

It has completely destroyed my aunt's life as she can't leave the house for fear that my grandfather (severe dimensia) will 'try and escape form the army' again. She has taken up drinking and smoking..... Don't underestimate how much of a burden it would be.

Sounds a bit like my Grandads. When both of them became ill one of them thought that he was in the navy still and someone was 'coming to get him' and one had altzheimers, the only stuff he did remember was all about the army! Songs and everything, but had no idea who we were. Makes you realise what a massive impact WW2 had on people of that age, and goodness knows what people of our age will be talking about in years to come.

My Nan couldnt cope with looking after him at home and he had to go into a home. She tried but he was constantly asking her the same thing over and over. The carers there were lovely though, they even came to his funeral.

But I think if the elderly person doesnt have dementia, its a lot harder because they know whats going on. My grandad at first kept asking to go home, but after a few weeks had no idea where he was anyway.

So I can see why the OP would find it very hard to put her Gran in a home. I think the idea of respite care for a couple of weeks is therefore a good one and see how it goes.