Home care for elderly Grandmother.

There_Goes_Trouble

My Grandmother is now at the stage where she needs 24 hour care. She has recently been ill, and since being home from hospital it is apparent that she can no longer be alone at home. She is frail, sleeps a lot and has no energy to even eat a simple meal.

At present, the bulk of the care is being done by my Mum (Grandmothers daughter) with help from my Aunt (Grandmothers daughter in law).

It is not possible for my Grandmother to move in with my parents because the house is not suitable. The ground floor is open plan so no room to make into a bedroom and the bathroom is upstairs. Granny can’t do stairs. Granny’s bungalow is not big enough for my parents to move in with her. Besides which, my Dad would absolutely hate it.

I feel so bad for my parents. They’ve worked so hard until well into their sixties, and now that they’ve retired and finally have time to fulfil some of their long held plans and spend some time together, another family member needs caring for. They don’t begrudge her, we love her, she has done a lot for us all in the past and we want what is best for her. However my parents had us kids when they were quite young and have never really had any time, just for themselves. They hadn’t planned their retirement to be like this. My Dad also has some health problems of his own and is worried that if he and Mum aren’t able to make the most of this time while they’re both relatively fit, he will get worse and the time for them to be out and about enjoying themselves will be gone forever and Mum will have spent her whole life as a carer: firstly us children, then my Granny and finally him.

Granny doesn’t want to go into a residential facility. She really really doesn’t. We can’t – and wouldn’t – try and force her to move, but she needs more care than my Mum can give. My brother and his wife both work full time. I work full time and my sister has very young children so there are limits to what we can offer. Besides which, my Granny doesn’t really want us ‘kids’ attending to her personal care, she is embarrassed by her decline, especially in the ‘toilet department’ and is selective who she is comfortable to have helping her with that, and with things like washing and dressing. She is mentally well, occasionally forgetful and repeats things a bit, but she does not have dementia and is able to make decisions for herself.

So, I’m looking into 24/7 home care for her. Trouble is, there are loads of companies around that do it and I’m getting a bit confused and bemused by it all. She currently has a home care worker for an hour twice a day, this was arranged when she was first in need of some assistance. She likes the staff, but the company doesn’t do 24/7 care.

Does anybody have any tips and advice on selecting a company, how much it would cost (she has too much in savings for the government to help) and most importantly, how to monitor the quality of the care if we go down this route. (Granny would never complain about anyone, and you do hear such awful stories sometimes...)

I thought I might ring Age UK tomorrow for some advice, but other than that I really don’t know where to start. Any help and experiences would be great!

Mojisola

I haven't used them yet but I've been looking at this company - https://www.helpinghandshomecare.co.uk/

I've had information from a couple of others but they act as an agency for the carers and you pay the carers a basic amount and then extras for this and extras for that. Helping Hands do a range of set prices, depending on the level of care needed, and employ the carers themselves.

There_Goes_Trouble

Thanks, that's one of the websites I've looked at and the one I liked the most so far, but it's only a website... I haven't contacted them yet.

dirtysexymonkey

i think age uk are a good idea for you. i just want to say that i really feel for you and your parents especially. you dont probably dont want to hear this but i think your grandmother is being incredibly selfish. maybe shes scared but it doesnt sit well with me that a mother would force her child to give up their life to care for her. and thats what shes doing - forcing her. only you know if this is out of fear and desperation or a method of control. either way id be pushing to find her a decent residential home for the future, and in the meantime use her savings to pay for her care. she wont have anyone to care for her if your mother gets burned out.

elsien

When you say 24 hour care, does she need someone with her at night as well?
Just asking because my grandmother is housebound and has difficulty walking and at the moment is managing with carers 3 times a day, a cleaner, meals on wheels and life line.
She has a commode in the bedroom as she can't get to the bathroom at night, a carer in the morning who sorts out the personal care, medication, the commode, breakfast etc. Meals on wheels bring in a cooked lunch, the carer comes back to do a check and supper, and the night time carer helps with her bedtime routine. Then she has the lifeline call button for any problems, emergencies in the meantime.
If you're looking at 24/7 care, that's more likely to mean going down the live in carer route with one week on one week off ( I have a friend who does this.) Does she have a spare bedroom to be able to do this - the lady my friend cares for advertises in the local paper herself for her carers and uses an agency for holiday cover, illness etc. That's obviously much more expensive than having someone in a few times a day.

Has your grandmother had a proper assessment from occupational therapists - they may be able to suggest things that help to keep her independent for a while longer?
Try the CQC website for inspection reports (but take them with a pinch of salt) - it might at least give you ideas as to what you are looking for, and social services should be able to give you a list of local providers as well as the larger agencies.

Edit - I completely disagree with the previous poster about your grandmother being selfish. Expressing a wish to stay at home when you have the money to pay for care is in no way forcing people to give up their lives to look after you.

Here's the cqc site. Bear in mind that with domiciliary care they inspect the offices, systems and paperwork rather than the actual care itself.
http://www.cqc.org.uk/#careinyourhome

There_Goes_Trouble

DSM I appreciate you're trying to help, but that's not a very kind thing to say considering that you don't know my Grandmother at all and only have the info posted above to go on. Calling my Grandmother selfish - she has been one of the most unselfish people you could ever know all her life! She cared for her own Mother through altzheimers disease until she was so exhausted she physically and mentally couldn't do it any more, when my Great Grandmother had to go into residential care. She then visited every single day without fail except for 2 weeks a year when she had a holiday (and she made sure someone else visited every single day while she was away.) for the next ten years. I think that is where her dislike of care homes came from. My Great Grandmother lived to be 105, so although my Granny is almost 94, if she takes after her Mother she could have a long time in a care home.

I wasn't going to post all that as I didn't think it was relevant to the actual question I was asking, but I won't have my Granny called selfish.

This situation has only arisen in the last week. She was discharged from hospital last Thursday and has not recovered as well as hoped. Selfish is totally the wrong word.

elsien

I don't know if this would be relevant to your grandmother or not, but this is the charity that is involved with the lady my friend works for to help her with recruiting and paying for her live in carers.
http://www.penderelstrust.org.uk/

Mojisola

elsien wrote: »

When you say 24 hour care, does she need someone with her at night as well?
Just asking because my grandmother is housebound and has difficulty walking and at the moment is managing with carers 3 times a day, a cleaner, meals on wheels and life line.

She has a commode in the bedroom as she can't get to the bathroom at night, a carer in the morning who sorts out the personal care, medication, the commode, breakfast etc. Meals on wheels bring in a cooked lunch, the carer comes back to do a check and supper, and the night time carer helps with her bedtime routine. Then she has the lifeline call button for any problems, emergencies in the meantime.

If you're looking at 24/7 care, that's more likely to mean going down the live in carer route with one week on one week off ( I have a friend who does this.) Does she have a spare bedroom to be able to do this - the lady my friend cares for advertises in the local paper herself for her carers and uses an agency for holiday cover, illness etc. That's obviously much more expensive than having someone in a few times a day.[/URL]

My parents are getting an increasing amount of care and, at some point, they will get more hours for their money if they have someone to live in. We're holding off until we get to that tipping point.

The company I referred to sends carers for 4 to 6 weeks who then have a week of and can come back so the continuity is good.

Amanda65

The Relatives and Residents Association are brilliant. They give lots of practical advice through their website and helpline as well as helping with what you have to pay for vs what is state funded etc. Their website is

http://www.relres.org/

There_Goes_Trouble

Thank you.

Elsien, at the moment she needs someone at night, in case she needs to get up in the night. She doesn't always make it to the bathroom in time at the moment, and if she fell she'd be there all night. She does have an alarm and she does wear it more since a friend of hers spent a night on the floor having forgotten to pick up her alarm, but I don't know if she'd think to pick it up in the night to go to the loo. She may not need 24 hours in a few weeks/months if she makes a better recovery, but at the moment we just don't know what she's going to need long term. It may be that residential care becomes necessary but at the moment we're trying to respect her wishes to stay at home. Thanks for the link and info, that's useful.

There_Goes_Trouble

Amanda65 wrote: »

The Relatives and Residents Association are brilliant. They give lots of practical advice through their website and helpline as well as helping with what you have to pay for vs what is state funded etc. Their website is

http://www.relres.org/

Brilliant,

Thank you!