The most bizarre night of my life -totally confused!

Lotus-eater

shegirl wrote: »

Depends what you mean by 'acted like a dad' -I've always been a slave,treated like !!!! and had to do everything for my parents,brought myself up etc

And I know he's right about my mothers family,half of them have had 'life' sentences,the rest were in and out,mother has a record and my gran was a prostitute lol

Haven't talked to my mother for 3 years,she ran off with someone else and I helped my dad so she phoned her family,gave them my address and had them threatening to come round and beat the crap out of me...

Her family? Surely your family as well?

Nice family you have there btw, I'm not sure why you'd want to have anything to do with them.

Presuming your blood Dad did try to contact you, it sounds like he may have been warned off by your Mothers family anyway.

Is it important to you that you find out who your real biological Dad is? If it is then get a DNA test.
The man who has brought you up has been your Dad your whole life. If you like him then you should continue to treat him as such. If you say he's such a PITA, then why are you bothering anyway?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

shegirl wrote: »

Depends what you mean by 'acted like a dad' -I've always been a slave,treated like !!!! and had to do everything for my parents,brought myself up etc

And I know he's right about my mothers family,half of them have had 'life' sentences,the rest were in and out,mother has a record and my gran was a prostitute lol

Haven't talked to my mother for 3 years,she ran off with someone else and I helped my dad so she phoned her family,gave them my address and had them threatening to come round and beat the crap out of me...

So you don't have contact with her, have no need for contact with the one believed was related to you...

what's the problem? You can get to know this new person if you choose, keep well out of the shitstorm that is swirling around your sister and you don't have to be nice to anyone because they're family.


But bear in mind he might be as unpleasant as the rest of them, as he got involved with someone like that in the first place. So it might have been normal for him, too.

shegirl

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

So you don't have contact with her, have no need for contact with the one believed was related to you...

what's the problem? You can get to know this new person if you choose, keep well out of the shitstorm that is swirling around your sister and you don't have to be nice to anyone because they're family.


But bear in mind he might be as unpleasant as the rest of them, as he got involved with someone like that in the first place. So it might have been normal for him, too.

That's one of my fears!!

It was all just one big shock to be honest,wasn't expecting any of it,especially him coming to my house!! Today I've had his wife and his other children wanting to meet me and it's just...woah!:o

I've kept contact with the guy that I thought was my dad as he has mellowed in his older years and had nowhere to go when my mother kicked him out -would've been homeless.So I took him in and helped him find a flat,decorate it etc and keep an eye on him due to his age and health.Nobody else bothers and as much, as a pig he's been much of the time,I couldn't let a poorly elderly man struggle on his own

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Hey, don't knock it then. Mine won't ever turn up on the doorstep because he died before my mother gave me the information I needed to find him. In fact, I had nearly met him through work six months before he died but, because she hadn't told me the details, I had wriggled out of having to attend that particular thing.


You get one who technically knows he owes you now, one who is apparently very pleased to see you (but you don't have to fall into his arms screaming 'Daddy, my Daddy'), so you might have gained someone extra - plus a slightly more normal family member or two - or you at least just know the truth and that they are doing their own thing. The half siblings might become more important later on, might not. But at least you aren't completely on your own with the relatives you have had to put up with so far.

Or they're all mad and you end up thinking 'well, that was nice' and mentally crossing them off the Christmas card list. Nothing lost, you're back how you were.


I'll admit to being a teensy bit jealous of you having the choice!

make_me_wise

Oh my goodness what an awful night you had. Personally I think the whole situation was handled very badly by your sister and this guy claiming to be your real dad. I should imagine it all came as an awful shock and at no time were your feelings respected.

If you are going to break that type of news to someone its best done face to face. Then you should have had time to digest the news and decide what next step you wanted to take. For this guy, claiming to be your dad, to turn up on your doorstep like that was out of order.

My advice is to take whichever next step you feel totally comfortable with at your own pace. Dont be rushed into anything. I wish you alot of luck and am sending a huge hug your way op.

meritaten

Its all happening too fast isnt it? I would ask your biological dad to give you some time before meeting 'his' family as you are still in shock.
tbh - I think its to his credit that he came to see you as soon as he could - yes, you should have time to prepare - but, this guy has waited years to see you and probably wasnt even thinking of how you would react!
but - you really do need some thinking time now hun! even if you decide it was a pleasant shock it was still a shock!
I wont comment on your other 'dad' and your mum - in a way they are irrelevant!
just that I hope that your bio dad is a nice person and that him coming into your life is a GOOD thing!
best wishes
merit

barbiedoll

Gosh, no wonder you feel giddy, what a shock! Your sister should be ashamed of herself, bringing a stranger to your door and expecting you to assume the role of "long-lost daughter" to a man you have never met, she's clearly a bit of a drama queen.

If I were you, I'd turn off your phone, draw the curtains, and sit down and let it all sink in. At the moment, you don't really know what to believe, lots of people have curly hair, it doesn't mean that they're related to you. On the other hand, if this man is your real father, you have to decide if you want to take things further, DNA tests and all. Is it what you want? Will it make a difference to your life?

It's too soon to take it all in so don't think that you have to suddenly be all things to all people. If you're still happy to look after your sick dad, then carry on, but he's going to have questions for you, he's probably worried too, that you won't want to bother with him any longer. If it turns out that he's not your dad, will you still feel that obligation towards him? It's a lot to think about, I don't envy you, despite what Jojo says! She's right about one thing though, this may be a good thing for you, the new relatives may be as lovely as you seem to be, don't dismiss them all, just because your (real) father may have made mistakes in the past.

Have a drink, if that's your thing and take a deep breath. As BitterandTwisted says.....you're still the same person today as you were yesterday. DNA is just chemistry, everything else is what matters. Don't be bullied by your sister, she obviously has her own agenda so let her get on with it and take things at your own pace. Good luck, I hope you find some answers.