The most bizarre night of my life -totally confused!

shegirl

More of a vent then anything really!!

Last night I received a call from my sister saying she'd been given the address of our 'real dad' by our dad and it seemed to be out of spite that he'd done it.I always thought he was my dad,despite having doubts and asking questions they were always answered and I guess I just accepted and couldn't be bothered!

I was obviously confused and upset on the phone and wasn't quite sure what to make of it.

Half an hour later I got a phonecall from my sister who had jumped in a taxi and gone to the address she was given,she then passed the phone to my 'real dad' who claims I'm his and he's wanted to see us both since he split with my mother but they were putting barriers in the way and my mothers family are plain evil.

Fastforward to midnight and he turns up on my doorstep with my sister,has the same eye colour and curly hair as me.I was totally gobsmacked and he was tearful as he hadn't seen me since I was 3 months old.

Just before they left at 2am,after telling me all sorts about my family -particularly my mother- my sister phoned the guy we'd known as our dad (been a total !!!!!,and really peed me off recently) to have a go at him.Had to snatch the phone off her as he's 83 and not in good health.

Just after 2 he calls me and tells me he thought I was his and was crying his eyes out despite being the one to pass on our 'real dads' details,and is now requesting a DNA test.

I'm not sure whether to believe he believes that or whether he's just confused.I honestly don't know.

Anyway,I just wanted to vent because I had a very f'ed up night and my head is throbbing:o

Sorry!!!!

suzyp1982

how come this new dad didnt get a court order to see you?
crap way to find out

shegirl

suzyp1982 wrote: »

how come this new dad didnt get a court order to see you?
crap way to find out

Not sure,but I know he was told by my brother (on my step dads???side) on behalf of my mother that we said we wanted nothing to do with him.My sister apparently knew who he was but had been told he was dead.

I guess the changes of our names wouldn't have helped either.Nor the way my mother changes her name and date of birth to please.Not sure how the hell she got away with it tbh

jakes-mum

if you were born before a certain year (I think its 1999 but I cant remember) and your parents were not married then your mother can change your name, move house etc without your boiological fathers permission or knowledge. Fathers had no rights really and it was quite easy to stop a biological father seeing his kids. Sometimes it isnt because the father 'couldnt be bothered' and he did everything he could to see his kids but was balked by a mother who didnt want him in her of her childrens lives.

Im sorry OP, thats a hard way to find something like that out, and im afraid that even with both parents you will never truly know what happened when you were small that resulted in your biological father being absent from your life as even your parents will have different memories of what the story is

Any

From a person completely removed emotionally from all this...

It's just blood - does it really matter?? Surely the "real" dad is one that acted like a dad all of your life. Now, this one hasn't been given a chance. If you "real" dad brought you up for how many years, does it matter he is not your biological father? Now you will have the chance of having 2 dads...

However, if the one that brought you up is a b****** and you didn't have good upbringing, then I would be having serious talk with your mother. I might anyway.

Unless you had doubts about your mother's side of family take things from your biological dad with a pinch of salt for now.. I come from divorced family and the sh** my mother would have me believe about my father and his family while I knew otherwise (and I really did KNOW)... you would not believe.
Every story has 2 sides. You need to thread carefuly..

Best of luck
x

sassyblue

Your poor thing. (((HUGS))) If it were me l'd proceed with the DNA test, get the result and take things from there... is your mum still alive?

BitterAndTwisted

Good God, my head would be in such a spin. That edifice which everyone has built up over the years is just about to collapse around them. Don't let other people's lies ruin your image of yourself. You're still the same person you were yesterday.

Frogletina

jakes-mum wrote: »

if you were born before a certain year (I think its 1999 but I cant remember) and your parents were not married then your mother can change your name, move house etc without your boiological fathers permission or knowledge. Fathers had no rights really and it was quite easy to stop a biological father seeing his kids.

Not sure when the changes came in, but my second husband adopted my daughter, and needed permission from my first husband who was only glad to sign the forms (it meant no maintenance ever had to be paid by him, not that he had ever given any).

He also adopted my son whose father I had not married and in this case no permission was needed and although his father's name was on the birth certificate this was not a bar to his name being changed.

peachyprice

Are you younger that your sister? Is there a possibility that the father who brought you up is yours but not hers?

shegirl

Any wrote: »

From a person completely removed emotionally from all this...

It's just blood - does it really matter?? Surely the "real" dad is one that acted like a dad all of your life. Now, this one hasn't been given a chance. If you "real" dad brought you up for how many years, does it matter he is not your biological father? Now you will have the chance of having 2 dads...

However, if the one that brought you up is a b****** and you didn't have good upbringing, then I would be having serious talk with your mother. I might anyway.

Unless you had doubts about your mother's side of family take things from your biological dad with a pinch of salt for now.. I come from divorced family and the sh** my mother would have me believe about my father and his family while I knew otherwise (and I really did KNOW)... you would not believe.
Every story has 2 sides. You need to thread carefuly..

Best of luck
x

Depends what you mean by 'acted like a dad' -I've always been a slave,treated like !!!! and had to do everything for my parents,brought myself up etc

And I know he's right about my mothers family,half of them have had 'life' sentences,the rest were in and out,mother has a record and my gran was a prostitute lol

Haven't talked to my mother for 3 years,she ran off with someone else and I helped my dad so she phoned her family,gave them my address and had them threatening to come round and beat the crap out of me...

duchy

Just take things one step at a time.
Remember that you are not your sister and your reactions don't need
to be the same as hers.
If this man wants a relationship with you (and you want to get to know him too)-decide if you want to jump in with both feet or if you want to take things slowly-and take things at a pace YOU are comfortable with.

And good luck !